Descent Into Motherhood

Top Fifteen List: Birthing Songs

2012-01-08T23:43:00.000-08:00

Its time to start getting excited about my baby's upcoming birth. This pregnancy has been nice, albeit slightly confusing because I feel like I have very little to prepare. We've got all the stuff for either gender of baby. I know exactly where it is and know that it can be set up quickly when the time is closer. Knowledge wise, I'm prepared. If anything I know too much and it can get in the way of enjoying a nice normal healthy pregnancy. My birth path is solid and secure. I'm approaching this new birth with confidence that I know how to birth babies and I'm trusting that I am prepared for whatever is coming my way (knowing that its probably going to awesome).

The confusing part is the wait. What do I do with myself in the meantime? 9 months is a long time for feeling prepared and ready and needing to put off the basics until later on. My answer has been in a combination of distraction/keeping myself busy (which I've been doing through certifying as a doula and midwife apprenticing) and inner work.

One thing I felt like I could early on in the pregnancy (starting about 15 weeks) was to expose the new baby to the voices of his/her life and music. From my daughter's pregnancy, I have a birthing playlist of music that I love and enjoying listening to during labor. Why not start listening as soon as the baby has ears to hear? During the day, I put the playlist on for background music or I put in my earphones and sing my favorite songs. Many of these songs have a message that reminds me of the special sacredness of carrying and birthing a baby or contains a message that I would like my children to internalize, or its reminds me of my feelings in labor and gives me a form of expression to those feelings, or its just a song that makes me happy regardless of what is going on around me (for example, Bohemian Rhapsody is on there).

The list contains 60+ songs for about 4 hours of music. I won't list them all for you, but I'll share my favorites. I couldn't fit it into a Top Ten list, so here's my Top Fifteen songs to enjoy while in labor*:

1. Hear You Me (May Angels Bring You in)-- Jimmy Eat World

This one reminds me of singing a baby into its new home, as well as singing a loved one into the afterlife. Listening to this song makes me think of my dad and remembering that he's not on the earth to share grandparenthood with my children always makes me sad. But I'm also reminded that I believe that he's in a new existence on a different plane and that he knows and loves my children and he continues to love me. I'm also reminded of the circle of life that as loved ones die, I'm blessed to be in my childbearing years and I can balance the losses with the gains of new family members. This song serves to invite my dad into my birthing space and to know that we are being looked over by angels.

2. It is You (I Have Loved): Dana Glover from the Shrek Soundtrack

I've blogged about this song before and why I find it so meaningful. Because I had encountered a good deal of loss before my children were born, I didn't feel very connected to this life. It felt like I had nothing keeping me tied to the earth when it felt like my whole family was gone already. I wish I could say that falling in love with my husband made me feel connected to earth life, but it wasn't until my son was born that I felt like my place was here and I was needed for an important purpose. Turns out that it was my children that I loved all along and I needed them to come into my life to feel connected to life. I hope that also serves to explain the tagline of my blog to you.

3. Good Morning Starshine: Oliver

If I could cue any song to play at the moment of my child's birth, it would be this one. I'm not planning anythings elaborate to ensure that happens, but I love how easy the song is to sing to a small child. Its especially poignant to sing this as the child's welcome to the world. For each child, I have designated a special song that I sing throughout the pregnancy and continue to sing to them after their birth. For Willem, it was "It is You I Have Loved." For Belle, it was "For the Beauty of the Earth." And for whoever this one is, its "Good Morning Starshine." I expect I'll be able to annoy the pants off a teenager who does not want to wake up by singing this song at wake-up time in a few years.

4. I Want to Break Free: Queen

This one just makes me laugh. I imagine a fetus experiencing contractions and working its way into the world would share the sentiment of this song. I also find this song appropriate when I get to that point in labor where I just want it to be over and have my new baby in my arms.

5. There's A Song in My Tummy: Laurie Berkner

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I adapted this song so it could be sung "There's a baby in my belly and she wants to come out...and when she does she's going to cry and shout..." Thusly, it deserves a place on my playlist and on my favorites as well. Its fun to sing this through pregnancy and labor to remind me what I'm looking forward to when the labor part is done, and the real work begins.

6. Drive: Incubus

This one I find most appropriate because of the atmosphere of fear and conformity that surrounds birth. After my first experience giving birth, I realized that I couldn't trust the predominant culture when it came to birthing choice. I struck out on my own, chose my own path and felt like I had taken ownership of my birthing responsibilities and it gave me the confidence to continue taking ownership of many other aspects of my life. While in labor and during pregnancy, this song gives me confidence in my choices and reminds me of why I make the decisions I do.

7. Best Years of Our Live: Baha Men

Because you need some happy, upbeat dance music during labor. My husband and I seriously love our lives together and these years wouldn't be the best years of our lives without our children. Its the perfect song of celebration at the birth of a new baby and makes me happy every time I hear it.

8. Pardon Me: Incubus

This song encompasses the anger and frustration that I feel regarding the cultural influences that are working against homebirth and women's rights to choose where and with whom she gives birth. As I'm in labor and I hear this song, I feel vindicated and like I'm expressing my freedom to be different, to do what is right for me and my family. There's something immensely satisfying about belting during pregnancy and labor, "I've had enough of the world and its people's mindless games. So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame. Pardon me, pardon me... I'll never be the same!"

9. I'm not Doubling Back Now: Jason Mraz

This song inspires perseverance and determination in me while I'm in labor. The last thing I'm going to do when I'm working to get my baby out is to double back and go back the way I came. This helps me visualize constantly moving forward, advancing the baby through my pelvis and closer to my arms. Its got a good beat and is enjoyable to dance to in labor which is only going to help position and move the baby down.

10. Arise and Shine Forth: Relief Society Soundtrack

There is nothing like a strong, spiritual anthem. Its this type of testimony of Christ that I want to pass on to my children: a vibrant, energetic joy that has the rafters filled with powerful, optimistic voices. I love singing my testimony in this song and hearing it reminds me of the fire that burns within me and gives me strength to do whatever is required of me.

11. Don't Stop Me Now: Queen

More high energy here that matches my fiery personality. When I'm faced with a challenge and its doing work I find rewarding, I get really determined and this song (at least the chorus, and maybe the first verse) is something like a personal anthem for me when I'm working hard to accomplish a goal. I find it perfect to inspire determination in me during labor. This song says to me, "I'm having my baby. Don't mess with me!"

12: Sleeping to Dream: Jason Mraz

I spend my pregnancies fantasizing what this new little being with be like so this song captures that wistfulness, as well as that bit of frustration that comes at the end of pregnancy when mama isn’t sleeping well and just wants to meet her baby already. There’s also a point in labor when all I want to do between contractions is to sleep and I’m wishing so much to have the birth process be over and have the baby already that its practically a dream mixed with that euphoric delirium of laborland. I sing this to my baby during labor to communicate just how much I look forward to his/her birth.

13. Happy Together: The Turtles

This song is obviously written about the love between a man and a woman, but I find myself wishing for that kind of love as expressed in the song to exist between myself and my children. Before my children were born, I loved thinking of my love for my husband in terms of this song, but I find that love just grows and becomes all that more sweet when I think of including my children in that circle. Do you remember that commercial with the video game characters skipping through a sunny meadow with this music in the background? That’s the kind of joyful exuberance I want to share with my children.

14. Do You Believe in Magic?: The Lovin' Spoonful

There’s something undeniably magical about giving birth to a human being and seeing that little human learn and grow. This song just makes me happy since it makes me think of all the magical, happy times that accompanies parenthood. I hope that my children have childhoods that are optimized by this song so I consider this another song of welcoming to my new little one as s/he enters our family.

15: Sacred Birth: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ukEN4O7RhA

I wish this one were on iTunes so I could buy it and add it to my birthing playlist. This song is an original work by the singer in the video. She also happens to be a sister LDS birth worker. There's not much music specifically about the power and beauty of birth out there. There needs to be more. And this needs to be available on iTunes!

* You'll probably discover I have a slightly quirky preference for labor music and you'll either think I'm crazy or be amused. You might even find something fun that you would want to add to your birthing playlist.

Wild and Crazy Ideas

2011-11-09T01:34:00.000-08:00

One thing I love about being a mother is the multitude of opportunities I have for creative thought. Often when I am doing something routine and ordinary (dishes, cooking, driving, laundry, cleaning), I keep my mind busy with thoughts on social issues, education, public policy, philanthrophy, women's issues: the topics that I am passionate about and discuss frequently in my blogging. From these thoughts, I've come up with many ideas over the years--some bigger than others. Some of them impact a relative few (like Birthing in Zion) and others have the potential to impact millions. Some I possess the skills and education in order to make them happen but most would require me to have effective collaborating and networking skills to find the people who are trained in that area. And sometimes, I really just fly by the seat of my pants and figure it out as I go along (like the book I'm working on...)

Here is a sampling of ideas that I've had over the last couple of years:

In 2007: a birth trauma organization for the United States which offers a online discussion board for women who needed understanding support while facing PTSD/PTS. Its name? Solace for Mothers, in collaboration with Jennifer Zimmerman and Sharon Storton.

Also in 2007: a consumer survey for maternity care providers. I was thinking it could be called The Birth Survey. This one actually already existed so I got involved for the launch in 2008 and I am now the Co-Chair of the Committee that oversees it.

In 2008, a political party with a platform of family and worker friendly public policies that prioritized investing in Americans. I figure I would call it The Family Party. This is probably one of the biggest ideas that I know next to nothing about. I'm pretty well versed in family policy but founding a political party? That's a little outside the scope of my training...

Also in 2008: a research institute run by parents asking questions that parents care deeply to know the answers to. Studies would be conducted by parents who do have the skills to conduct research studies, the IRB would be staffed by parents trained in research ethics. Parents with questions propose the studies. Parents conduct the studies. Families participate in the studies (with parental consent after ethics review). It would be volunteer run and skills like publishing, marketing, graphic design would be needed. I love the idea, but I don't see it happening any time soon...

Another from 2008: become a children's book author. I have 4-5 children's books in various stages, some just concepts and others almost completely written and ready to submit. I've pursued finding out how to publish but it seems like a tough field to crack.

And another from 2008: a homebirth friendly TV hosted on HGTV. That's when they were running their ad campaign called "Start at Home." When I heard that, I thought of homebirth is quite literally starting life at home. I outlined my concept and started an online petition here on my blog. This one still might happen, maybe not on HGTV, but I'm still scheming. Don't you worry.

2008 was evidently a fruitful year because this is also when I thought of The Birth Trauma Memorial. This idea has continued to be shaped over the years. My ideal is to plant a weeping willow tree and place a granite monument nearby remembering and honoring the millions of women who have been traumatized by their birth experiences and offer a place of recognition, hope and healing for us. In conjunction with the planting of the tree, I would like to host a conference on the topic of birth trauma and PTSD/PTS after childbirth, what we know can reduce the chances of it occurring, and information regarding effecting healing modalities as well as effective strategies to influence provider practices that contribute to antepartum trauma.

2009: get a PhD. I did apply for PhD programs but did not get into any due to not being able to find a good fit with an advisor in programs local to me. As time has gone on, I've realized that I don't feel the need for a PhD like I did a couple of years ago. Instead in 2010, I enrolled in midwifery school.

Also 2009: create a community action group among the women of my church congregation. That didn't happen due to lack of interest (evidently radical LDS women are hard to find in small geographical regions...) But an opportunity did present itself in 2010 with the establishment of WAVE. I joined with the women there and become the Women's Service Mission Director where I have been focusing on social issues and demonstrable action that can address the issues.

Nothing much in 2010, as I can recall. It was a busy year on its own.

Early 2011, I had the idea for Birthing in Zion, the directory of LDS midwives and birth professionals. That launched a few weeks ago and already we have birth workers in 13 states in the US and more coming in every few days.

Summer 2011, I had been thinking on ways that we could meet the needs of the most needy Americans in a political climate where the focus was (and still is) any other than the American people. I thought of a federal level effort to address the needs of the American people using private donations. I wrote it about it here on my blog, but have done nothing (as of yet) to pursue it.

In August 2011, you'll remember my big idea to start a new business: a play and learn community center called "It Takes A Village" where facilitated playgroups, infant, toddler and preschool enrichment classes would be offered along side informational classes on parenting topics, with community services like in house lactation consultants and doulas. I may someday do this still but the surprise pregnancy made it bad timing and I can tell that some percolating is still needed for all the pieces to fall into place.

A recent one: a new genre of ballet where the choreography teaches about biological processes. A ballet depicting the movements of the Solar System through dance and music, or another on the chemical properties of the periodic elements, or the shifting land masses through time and even today. I would love to be able to show this type of ballet to my children. I dream of a day when various movements would be available on youtube to show and discuss with my children. This one: definitely no expertise on my part. Just the interest of a one time dancer, lover of music, early childhood educator and homeschooling parent.

Another recent one: Occupy Youtube. A grassroots campaign of Occupy Wall Street and I am the 99% supporters who record their reasons for supporting the efforts and post videos on youtube. I've been hearing from many supporters who do not feel that they can attend the rallies but do support the cause and share frustrations with occupiers. Recording, compiling and and then broadcasting the videos at the rallies would show that supporters are not just the people there on the streets, but are at home or at work. Occupiers would also see that the people they are representing agree and support them. I don't think I have the network for this, but I might just have the gusto to contact the people who might.

So there you are. I come up with big ideas and sometimes I can do something about them, and sometimes I can't. And maybe on some, I just haven't learned what I need to yet to be able to accomplishment and I might in the future. Who knows?

Sale at Signing Time this weekend

2011-10-09T15:31:00.000-07:00

It's Rachel Coleman's birthday!! Be sure to wish her a happy birthday on her facebook page. To celebrate, Signing Time is having a birthday sale. 25% off everything, today and tomorrow only. Promo code: rachelbday

To access the store, click on "Store" on the menubar at the top.

Also, digital downloads of the videos are now available. Visit this link and click on "Get a Free Signing Time Video" to download the player and download as many videos as you want. They can be saved on up to 5 mobile devices!

Don't forget to use the 25% off promo code!

What has she been up to?

2011-10-08T15:50:00.000-07:00

Its been a busy few months and I have neglected to do anything beyond posting a facebook update about the going-ons. If you've been following my facebook page, little of this will be new to you, but if not, be prepared for some surprises.

June

I was introduced to DoTerra essential oils and found a wonderful community of women belonging to my church who are embracing the role of woman healer. DoTerra, as a start-up company from Utah is attracting many LDS women, but its growing into the overall community too and becoming worldwide. Through their marketing structure and the consultants local to me, I finally learned how to work with essential oils. The oils were instrumental in helping me treat a very stubborn and confusing illness going on with Belle and have become our go to form of treatment since then. In order to get the wholsesale prices, I signed up as a consultant and continue to get one or two oils sent to me every month. I haven't done much with the marketing to earn income, but who knows maybe that will change. If you are interested in getting the wholesale prices as well, let me know and I can help you get signed up. To visit my store, click on the DoTerra logo on the right sidebar.

July

In July, I learned more about one of my favorite companies. Both of children have loved Signing Time so the last few holidays, I've been collecting the Signing Time videos for them. When I found out about Signing Time Academy, my children were actually very excited to think of me as a signing time teacher and they loved getting the new signing time videos. The prices for instructors are really amazing compared to retail. One of the newest exciting things that is coming out of Signing Time is that they will be releasing digital copies of the videos to put on iPad, iPhone and other mobile devices. The instructor rate is awesome and Willem is so excited. I haven't been able to coordinate a class yet but I'm working on it. I think I'll be starting from my home, and then try the local community centers. Check out my Instructor page by clicking on the Signing Time Academy logo on the right sidebar and watch some free samples of the shows!

In July, we took a family tour of South Lake Union in Seattle on a paddle-wheel cruise ship. Here's me and my not so babies anymore.

August

In August, I had a big brainstorm that would put all my passions into one endeavor. All it required was $30,000, a full time commitment and becoming a business owner. I spent a good amount of time trying to figure out if I could make it happen. The idea was that I would create a play and learning center in my town where parents of infants to primary aged homeschoolers could come to share learning activities. They would have access to a complete learning environment and a trained facilitator to assist them in finding activities in line with their goals and current interests. In addition to the playspace, parents would be able to connect with one another and learn from the variety of classes, workshops and seminars that would be regularly offered. Connections would be made during playgroups and families would gain support networks among other families in the community. A quiet room for breastfeeding and consultations with doulas and lactation consultants would be available. A small boutique would sell the essentials of attachment parenting. I was going to call it "It Takes a Village" and it would be awesome. I'd have a space to teach my Signing Time classes, be able to facilitate the Play and Learn groups I fell in love with during my graduate program and be a happening cool spot for parents in the community.

And then...

On my 7th anniversary, I found out I am pregnant with our third baby.

This was a complete surprise. We're talking highly unlikely for dates. It was so unlikely that my midwife commented on it. I've heard that sperm can live up to 6 days within a woman's reproductive tract, but our case would have been 7 days. With my pelvis and joint concerns, we are excited but also rather concerned as well. I'm redoubling my efforts to address those concerns so it can be a healthy, as comfortable as possible pregnancy.

In September, Belle and I saw Rachel Coleman live in concert. She is the creator and personality of Signing Time.

September

Also just before I found out I was pregnant, I put in an application for a scholarship to become trained as a birth doula. I had this feeling that I was ready to take my birth training to the next level and that meant contacting my midwife who told me that when I was ready I could tag along to a birth with her and doing the birth doula training. Unfortunately it didn't work out with my midwife, but two other midwives are keeping me in mind. I also ended up getting the scholarship for the birth doula training, so in September, I spent 4 days getting trained by Penny Simkin and Teri Shilling at the Simkin Center for Allied Birth Vocations.

After the training, one of the local birth doula collectives offered me a spot to cover the northern part of the region and I became a Doulaville Doula! Its great to be apart of a community of doulas from the beginning. Its like I have built in mentors.

At this point, I'm hoping to attend the three births required for certification before the new baby is born. I don't know how realistic that is, but I have until March/April. If you know of a pregnant mama expecting in the North Puget Sound who is in need of a very affordable doula, please send her my way!

October

So far this month, I finally followed through with my post Midwifery As a Calling.

Birthing in Zion: The LDS Midwife, Doula and Birth Professional Directory is now a reality! A companion Facebook community has been made to go along with it. You can "like" LDS Midwives, Doulas and Birth Professionals on Facebook to keep up to date with an amazing group of faithful, Christian women.

The part of the directory I am most excited about is the opportunity for LDS women to list themselves as volunteer peer support doulas. By doing so, they make themselves available to sister Latter-day Saints in their communities to provide the type of labor support that has been happening informally for centuries. The response has been inspiring and I hope that we can start seeing midwives and doulas listed in each stake (geographical divison) of the church.

In addition to all these things, I'm still busy and involved with my three non-profits.

A project I am working with Solace for Mothers on is Voices of Trauma. We are collecting stories from women who have experienced traumatic childbirth and compiling them into a book focused on causes/predictors of trauma, healing and prevention.

With CIMS, I am now the Grassroots Advocates Committee Co-Chair and I am on the national leadership team. Most of my work recently with them has been putting out the e-CIMS, the organization's quarterly email newsletter. If you aren't yet subscribed, do it! Its always full of great information and opportunities to be an involved birth advocate.

As you can see, I've been busy and will continue to be so in the next few months. The good news is that I'm not starting a business while pregnant! Maybe someday, it'll work out to see that vision realized. Until then, I will continue loving the little naked people who just ran into the backyard, the little one growing inside me, and doing what I can from my home to move forward the goal of woman-centered, mother and baby friendly maternity care throughout the world.

Getting Middle of the Road Political on you

2011-07-30T12:46:00.000-07:00

The budget debate is a mess right now. U.S. politicians are facing quite the challenge as they make policy decisions to keep the country going. President Obama's recent speech called all Americans to weigh into the debate and contact their federal representatives. Whatever side you are on, you have the right and ability to influence public policy through your representatives. If you haven't yet, weigh in:

If you are on the conservative side, The Heritage Foundation provides a public petition to Congress.

And on the liberal/progressive side, MoveOn.org takes the opposing tack.

Whichever side you find yourself on, you have the opportunity to engage in government in the way a republic is designed. This also provides an opportunity to take a step back, and look at the bigger picture.

One of the central features of the debate in government spending is social services for the poor and the needy. A common argument against government funding for social services is that it is not the government's responsibility to care for charity cases. However, it is less common to hear proposals that would meet the needs of the poor and the needy residing in the United States, without using government funding to do so. And yet, there are petitions encouraging U.S. policymakers to give money to other countries struggling with extreme poverty. If the United States cannot provide for the needs of its own poor, how can it conscionably appropriate funds to relieve poverty of other countries?

For the record, I agree that governments ideally would not use taxpayer money to the care of people in other countries, especially when there are such severe needs in our own country. With the proposed budget cuts, the elderly, children in poverty and the disabled will be without heat this winter, facing exposure and increasing the likelihood of health complications. At the same time, I recognize the Christian and humanist duty for all people of the world to care for the poor and the needy. Though, the people of the United States may feel the need to prioritize the people of their own communities and country first, the suffering of people in developing countries are equal in value and importance.

Enter limited resources. If the money is not coming from governments, who does it come from?

Peter Singer, in The Life You Can Save, promotes the idea that everyone, especially those blessed with the affluence of the developed world have a percentage of their income to share with those who are in more need than they. The Live You Can Save has been called the Billionaire's pledge for people of all income groups.

Since I doubt we have any billionaire's reading this blog, the pledge calculator conservatively estimates the percentage of income that a given household can comfortably donate to charitable and humanitarian organizations. Giving What We Can's donation calculator can tell you which percentage of the world is more wealthy than you. Chances are, if you are lower-middle to upper middle class, in a developed country, you are in the 20% percent of the world's wealthiest and your earnings are 4 or more times those of the typical person.

So, the proposal:

Over a period of a few years, the United States governments passes of the responsibility for social services to its citizens through incentivizing freewill donations to private sector non-profit organizations that take over service delivery. A suggestion for organizing and making needs known and accessible to potential donors is to use a website organization much like the one already in use by Global Giving.

The incentive from the government may be in the form of a tax credit or a tax deduction that is exempt from itemizing. A PSA and public education campaign similar to Let's Move, maybe called Let's Give, can be developed and promoted around the country.

While at the same time promoting citizen donations to social services, the proverbial Let's Give campaign can encourage giving to international humanitarian efforts like those recommended by The Life You can Save, Giving What We Can and Global Giving. Singer asserts, "If everyone who can afford to contribute to reducing extreme poverty were to give a modest proportion of their income to effective organizations fighting extreme poverty, the problem could be solved. It wouldn’t take a huge sacrifice." All it requires is the coordinated will, cooperation and some effective marketing.

We have the means available to meet the needs of all those who suffer from poverty, but it will require more people working together. Governments can play a role in the promotion of these values, but the domestic needs of their countries need to be their first priority. Sure, its redistribution of wealth, but this proposal addresses its biggest objection: voluntary giving. A good deal of resentment exists at the compulsory means of collecting funds for social services. If those who object so much were given the ability (and the incentive) to choose for themselves, perhaps we would see the Christian mandate to give of one's wealth accomplished and relief for the poor and the suffering of the world.

Some thoughts on Homebirth Safety

2011-06-22T10:34:00.000-07:00

It was from my son's birth experience when I began to learn how often needless interventions are pushed in hospitals. I succeeded in a non-medicated, almost intervention free (AROM at 6 cm) birth in a hospital practice of midwives using Hpnobirthing (TM). However I did not have supportive and respectful staff and ended up essentially fighting for the right to give birth under my own power without the midwives needlessly intervening.

From this I learned that they are businesses who want to maximize the money that comes in and they do it by rushing women through by speeding up labor and/or cutting babies out which because it requires more equipment, more staff, more procedures bills more. The whole system is set up not to promote health and safety, but to promote efficiency and billable procedures (which includes NICU admissions).

The more I learn about midwifery, the more I see how homebirth midwives understand a great deal more about the physiology of birth than hospital birth attendants. Birth really does work best when its left alone (in 90%-ish of situations). I've lived based on that stat. There's a 90% chance that everything will be just fine at home, transfer services work for the remaining situations (and I always lived 10 minutes from the hospital I would transfer to). Midwives are trained in these situations (and since I'm studying those situations now, I'm impressed with the depth of knowledge expected from then).

One of my favorite ways to think about the safety debate is that the meaning of "as safe as hospital birth" means mortality wise. Women and infants do not have a higher likelihood of dying at a homebirth than at a hospital. Its just as safe in that way. However, homebirth is actually SAFER when taking into account morbidity (other ill health that does not lead to death but might bring a person close...) To women wanting to avoid hysterectomy, abdominal surgery, complications from surgery or anesthesia, PTSD, higher rates of infection, the manual cutting of their vaginal openings or severe lacerations to their perineums, etc: homebirth is considered much safer. Researchers down plays the morbidity thing so much. Its like they don't believe that those experiences aren't bad enough that a woman would go to great lengths to avoid them.

Increasing access to childbirth education

2011-06-19T19:39:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week, a Los Angeles Times article condemned women for not educating themselves on childbirth options and therefore being at fault for allowing the Cesarean rate to be so high and for the interventions that happen to them when they trust their providers.

My reaction to this article when it came out was that 1) expecting families are actively discouraged from being informed about childbirth options (by their care providers) and 2) expecting families see how pointless childbirth education is when it doesn't matter what they learn/want/say, their providers in general aren't respecting their desires and choices and in many cases actively working against the goals of the families. I also see that childbirth education is a costly expense and inconvenience in the lives of pregnant families and many women probably feel their time is better spent resting and taking care of themselves than rushing to another set of appointments.

Childbirth educators are important, don't get me wrong, but their delivery system is lacking and in many cases they are missing the collaborative relationships with care providers.

I think I had a really good idea that could address all of these issues and I'd love to talk about the feasibility of it with others.

Medical groups, doctor's offices, clinics, and insurance companies could hire childbirth educators to work in office. Their job would be to spend 10-15 minutes each appointment with families during prenatal appointments to go over options and to educate women on the process of childbirth. Rather than an additional appointment that takes 1-2 hours, short educational opportunities could be available like many clinics have dieticians and social workers.

I say get the insurers involved and require that these educators are on staff in order to make sure that providers allow them to be there. Some providers will not be difficult to convince on the virtues of this proposal but many others would. Its the ones in private practice that would be the hardest to work with.

This idea came from my midwifery training where I am basically being trained to offer short lessons in childbirth education to clients. I can see how providers themselves don't have the time to do this (and also the will) but they can contract with people who are trained and passionate about informed decision making. This is my vision for how childbirth educators can make it mainstream and break that 30% barrier.

Often that barrier is caused in part to economic factors of the families. Childbirth education is still a privilege available to those who can afford it (mainly middle-to-upper-middle-class white people). The article is flawed in saying that the blame can be put on women by ignoring the institutional and economic factors involved.

What actions would need to be taken to get this happening across the country? Who are the stakeholders who have the clout to make this happen? Grassroots advocates, childbirth educators, policymakers?

Opening the Back

2011-06-15T14:47:00.000-07:00

Jamaican midwives having a saying that when the back opens the baby comes. This is referring to the period of time around the fetal ejection reflex where the baby moves down to crowning and birth. Opening the back occurs when the sacrum moves backward to allow more room for the baby to move through the pelvis. Its amazing to learn how much space is gained by this--up to 4 cms in some places! I had never come across it before in any of the other reading I have done on birth. I thought this is so cool, I can share it here. Especially since I can even tell a personal story about it.

I encountered this term in my copy of Holistic Midwifery Volume II written by Anne Frey. It is one of the texts in my midwifery program and covers extensively (its almost 2,000 pages!) the physiology and care of labor and birth.

I remember when this happened during Belle's birth. I even commented on it when I wrote her birth story. I didn't know the name of it then so I'm pleased to learn about it now. At the time I described it as:

I felt tightness radiating down into my thighs and it felt like the bones of my pelvis and hip were being stretched outwards.

I later thought that this might have something to do with the hip pain that lingered after that pregnancy. I learned that it might be SI dsyfunction (sacroiliac joint) and posted about it here. Finding out that it was an actually physiological process that is part of normal birth helped me feel that the strange sensation wasn't an injury but my body working as it was designed to.

I thought at the time that when I felt my hips spread during Belle's birth that something unnatural had happened. I still think that maybe my SI issues have something to do with this spreading. It happened so quickly--it was like my SI joints abruptly slid out as far as they could like sticky slide locks on a door. Perhaps they slid more forcefully and quickly than is typical when the sacrum moves and the back opens.

This phenomenon is only observed when upright birth is allowed. When a woman in laying on her back in bed, the sacrum is prevented from moving and the pelvis does not expand in conjunction with the fetal ejection reflex.

I don't recall feeling this happen when giving birth to my son. Not surprising, since I felt pressured into birthing on my back. The only way I felt that I had been able to reposition more comfortably as he was descending and crowing was by twisting my hips so that I was more on my side.

Someday I may find more detailed description of this phenomenon. It seems like it hasn't been described or investigated by researchers enough to know what is normal "opening of the back" and what is extreme. As it is, the term is hardly known except in some circles. Hospital birth attendants and medical researchers wouldn't see it because the vast majority of birthing women they see are on their backs. Upright/vertical birth isn't even an option in many hospital birth environments.

Have any of my readers heard of this? Care to theorize with me on the possibility of normal opening of the back and extreme opening on the back?

My special Mother's Day

2011-05-15T16:04:00.000-07:00

On Mother's Day this year, I attended a speech given by Ina May Gaskin at Town Hall in Seattle. There were over 800 people of them, many midwives and doulas but a surprising number of expectant parents. She spoke on her story as a self-taught midwife in the 1970s, described some of the keys to a healthy safe delivery and how important it is for those who care about birth to advocate for increased access to midwives and better obstetric practice.

At the end, it was opened up to the audience to ask questions. During that it became clear to me that Ina May is not familiar with Solace for Mothers as a resource for women who have had traumatic birth experiences. I should have gotten up and mentioned it but I didn't want to sound like an advertisement. Sometimes I just don't know how to deal with public relations!

One of the things that Ina May said she wished for was to have all of the birth advocates be better connected and able to work together. I share that desire with her and really hope that my current efforts will be able to bring that to pass. I really feel that we need an online social network that gathers birth advocates together in the same place and use platforms like the Care2 petition site, facebook, online forums, Change.org and Salsa Democracy to use viral advocacy techniques to bring a strong, united voice to what would truly improve maternity services in the United States and the world. I guess that's my job isn't? Since I am on the CIMS Grassroots Advocates Committee... Big plans, in progress... I just wish it was all ready and that it was common knowledge in the birth community!

I wish that I had had the opportunity to sit down and talk with Ina May but if that had been doing to happen, I should have attend the MAWS conference the Friday before. When prioritizing my desire to see her in person, I had to decide between being away from my kids all day Friday and leave them with a babysitter or be away for 2 hours on Mother's day Sunday and leave them with their dad. It was a tough decision but I chose to have more time with the children and be away from them on a day that's supposed to be especially for me as a mother anyway.

Someday I hope that I can meet and talk with her because I have so much respect for her work, especially on the Maternal Mortality Quilt. I would love to see a complimentary effort to honor and remember mothers who have experienced trauma and PTSD from their birth experiences. For each mother who died in childbirth, I am sensitive to the fact that if they lived, they likely would have been deeply traumatized by their experiences and their memories of being close to death. People traumatized by life events and who live afterwards know the special hell that comes from surviving something horrific and terrifying. I want those mothers to be remembered to. For women who experience trauma, they often find that they become shadows of themselves. They are the walking wounded and we need to be just as aware of them as we are aware of the family members who lost a woman in childbirth. I don't want what that would look like, whether it would be a Solace (thinking Support in Overcoming Labor And Childbearing experiences) quilt or a paper sculpture in the shape of a tree with leaves symbolizing one of the 1.4 million mothers who are traumatized each year. I had a nice talk with Penny Simkin about this and she is encouraging me to come up with something good and a plan to enact it. If you have ideas, please help!

Anyway back to the event with Ina May. After the questions and answers, there was a Birth Fair with birth and baby organizations and services from around the Seattle area. I met the midwives at Puget Sound Birth Center. When I told Val that PSBC is the most highly and frequently rated out of hospital birth center on The Birth Survey, she literally started crying she was so happy!

I was so glad that I was able to attend with my mother and my good friend Shawnette who became a doula after she attended Willem's birth as a volunteer doula. It was a really nice event and obviously, as seen by this post, inspired a lot of ideas and renewed energy and drive for me. It was definitely a special way to spend Mother's Day and a special thanks to my husband and children who were willing to facilitate my attendance.

What will they (I hope) say about me when I die?

2011-05-06T23:15:00.000-07:00

also posted on my spirituality blog: Jenneology

I am lifting the following exercise from a recent post on Feminist Mormon Housewives. A new self-help book aiming to assist people of my generation to find their purpose in life provided the exercise. What follows are my answers:

Thought Experiment: You’ve died. You are at your own funeral. What do you want your friends and family to say about you? What did you do with your life? Write down five things you hope people say about the legacy that you’ve left. Write down five things you hope people say about your personality.

1. She was a seeker of truth and was open-minded, and respectful in the finding of it. She embraced the belief in the gospel that all good things come from God and that all truth can be circumscribed into one great whole. She would embrace truth, quite literally, wherever it could be found--in Islam, Unitarian Universalism, Paganism, Gnosticism, Physics, Astronomy and Chemistry. She was a student of life and found great joy in it.

2. She wanted to make a difference in the world and she worked diligently to address some of the injustices and inequalities that people, especially women throughout the world face. Her involvement in non-profit organizations and humanitarian works helped the lives of many. One of the things she was fond of saying was that she didn't want to make a difference in the life of a child, but she wanted to make a difference in the life of many. She worked at the systems level to address the root causes of poverty, abuse and barriers to living a full and happy life.

3. She prioritized her family while at the same time set the example to them to be anxiously engaged in a good cause (or in her case, many). Her children were involved with her and shared her with the people of the world. They had the opportunity to see and do many things that provided service to others because of the example and encouragement of their mother. She was actively involved with them at all levels of their lives and somehow found a balance in the limited hours of each day to show them they were loved and benefited from her presence and involvement in their lives.

4. She was a believer in the radical Jesus: the Jesus who was friends with the sinners and who was compassionate to their experiences, the socialist who believed in complete redistribution of wealth, the empowerment and equality of women and the Christ-like love that each person needs to achieve their potential.

5. She knew hardship, difficulty, pain and injustice and she was able to find strength from her experiences and turn them around to be compassionate towards others, to support and comfort them.

5 personality traits: tenacious, determined, creative, compassionate, advocate

Core Values: Discover what drives you. What principles guide your actions and ideal self? Try to strip away all cultural conditioning and/or religious rhetoric and assess five core values by which you live your life and inform who you want to be. Write these down. Evaluate if there any disconnect between what you wrote down in step one and step two.

Maybe I already did this up above. Just pulling from there, we find that I value: openness to truth/goodness, compassion, advocacy, social justice and idealism.

Find Your Purpose: Why does what you are doing matter? What motivates and inspires you to keep following these values? Chose a purpose. It can be big or small, but has to be intentional. It is the reason for your goals and can change over time. If you are struggling to find your purpose try this experiment. Write down your five most valuable gifts and talents. Next, write below those what each of these can be used for. Finally, evaluate what types of careers or activities you would enjoy that would utilize some of these talents.

I'm already doing many of the things I hope to be remembered for so my purpose is described above. Involvement in Solace for Mothers, LDS WAVE, The Coalition for Improving Maternity Services already address some of those values that I hold so deeply. I would someday like to turn those desires and abilities into paid employment and I hope that it will be doing something that addresses the root causes of injustice in the world. I would love to work in humanitarian aid (whether it is at the local, national or global scene) but at the systems level. One of my skills is to look at big picture and see ways to build coalitions and to bring people together, to create ways that people from very different viewpoints can interface with each other in cooperative ways. Most of my efforts are somehow related to system building and connecting people in large communities to harness their combined power into a stronger more unified voice.

Test Your Purpose: Today my purpose will be _____________. To accomplish that I will use my gifts for ________________ to accomplish these specific goals_______________. Later change the timeline to week, month, and year.

Today my purpose will be two fold:

1) to connect with my children and show them the value of caring for others

2) learn about how to structure my family economically so we can be Equal Shared Parenting and Radical Homemaking folks.

To accomplish that I will use my gifts for being involved in national organizations and reading to accomplish these specific goals:

1) I will walk with my children in the March of Dimes walk, teach them to sew and make things we can sell on Talents of Sisters.

2) start reading the book Equally Shared Parenting and discuss with my husband the possibilities that our interests lead us to.

Otherwise, I would say that my goals are year long, or at the very least, seasonal. This year I hope to create an online community for birth advocates that can become a hub for the thousands who care birth issues in our world. This season, we hope to grow some of our own food and make some of our own household products to develop our skills and save money.

Write It All Down: Once you have a purpose you can stick with, write it all down and it will remind your of who you are and what you want to be. I.e.My five core values are ____________. My five core talents are ______________. In the next ten years my purpose will be ______________. The key features of my personal mission statement are ______________.

My five core values are openness to truth/goodness, compassion, advocacy, social justice and idealism.

My five core talents are:

1) building community and cooperation around advocacy efforts

2) addressing root causes of social issues

3) looking at the big picture

4) being respectful and open to differing view points

5) embracing and valuing the good that is inherent in differing perspectives

In the next ten years my purpose will be to:

1) achieve equal partnership in my marriage

2) find paid part-time employment in advocacy work

3) support and contribute to organizations addressing global poverty

4) continue to develop current advocacy organizations

5) educate my children through experiential learning in living the gospel of the radical Jesus.

The key features of my personal mission statement are make a difference in the world, aspire to the ideal, encourage potential, and value balance and compassion to oneself and others.

Lets Take BPA Out of Canned Foods

2011-04-11T15:28:00.000-07:00

copied from MomsRising E-alert April 11, 2011.

20 people. 5 families. Fresh food intervention. How low can their BPA levels go?

It sounds like the premise for a reality show. But there are no over-the-top TV antics here. Last week, the Breast Cancer Fund and Silent Spring Institute released a study which tested the levels of the toxic chemical BPA for five families. Like many average families across America, these families were regularly exposed to BPA in their day to day lives through pretty normal activities: eating canned foods and beverages, eating in restaurants, using polycarbonate water bottles, and/or microwaving in plastic.

To see if their BPA levels could be lowered, these families were given a fresh food intervention: three days’ worth of freshly prepared organic meals, no canned food, and using only glass storage containers. The results were astounding: When the families took BPA out of their diets, they decreased the amount of BPA in their bodies by 60 percent on average in just three days![1]

Everyone should be able to be BPA free, but not everyone can because of its pervasive use by major corporations in our nation.

Now is the time to bring our voices together and to use our collective consumer power, to make sure all families can reduce their levels of toxic BPA. Our voices are needed because BPA is one of the most pervasive toxic chemicals in our modern lives With 2 billion pounds of BPA produced annually in the U.S., it's no wonder that over 90% of Americans have detectable levels of BPA in their bodies.[2] Removing BPA from canned foods is a great first step in reducing our nation’s BPA exposure.

* Tell major food manufacturers Campbells, Del Monte, and Progresso that enough is enough! We know BPA is dangerous, and we want it out of our food and packaging!

http://action.momsrising.org/sign/BCF_BPA1/

Women make the majority of purchasing decisions, so when we bring out voices together to contact corporations, we can have a powerful impact. And our powerful impact is needed now because laboratory studies link BPA exposure to breast cancer, infertility, early onset puberty, ADHD, and obesity. Children, whose brains and organs are constantly developing, are particularly at risk and are exposed to more BPA for their size than adults.[3]

There are ways we can personally work to protect our families from some BPA exposure. Suggestions from the Breast Cancer Fund and Silent Spring Institute for reducing exposure to BPA and DEHP include cooking at home with fresh foods and making some changes in the kitchen, such as avoiding canned foods, choosing glass and stainless steel food and beverage containers, and not microwaving in plastic.

But unfortunately, these personal changes are not enough. We can't avoid canned goods even if we have resources and the time for a pantry overhaul. Think a canned-foods-free pantry is keeping you BPA-free? Think again. Restaurants frequently use canned and packaged foods as an ingredients. So even if you've sworn off canned soup, BPA from canned foods is so omnipresent that it can show up on your plate at the local pizza joint, at a five star restaurant, in your children's school, or at the local food bank.

Like all moms, we're worried about the health and safety of our families. And like all moms, we're busy. That's why we want to make sure that when companies remove BPA from their canned goods, they aren't wasting time by replacing BPA with another toxic chemical. We're asking Del Monte, Campbells, and Progresso to take BPA out of their foods, and to also be transparent about their next steps for replacing BPA.

While we start making changes in the kitchen, lets work together to make a big change for the country. Ask America's top canned food manufacturers what they’re doing to get rid of BPA in their products!

http://action.momsrising.org/sign/BCF_BPA1/

Together we can build a safer and healthier nation for all of our children.

Thank you!

Treasure Mapping 2011

2011-04-07T21:48:00.000-07:00

This year I decided to join in with the April New Moon Tradition of Treasure Mapping. Consider it a visual representation of the hopes, dreams, goals and aspirations I have for myself and my family over the next year.

For a description of how to treasure map, see here: Mothering.Community's Official Treasure Map of 2011.

So here's mine. Its a work in progress and will probably work on cleaning it up in the next few days but I'm really excited to share it, anyway. It was grueling and somewhat discouraging to think without limits and then try not to let reality encroach. reach for the stars, right?

Living Blog at CIMS "Reframing Birth and Breastfeeding"

2011-03-11T07:35:00.000-08:00

The Coalition for Improving Maternity Service is co-hosting a conference with the Breastfeeding Feminism Symposia Series this weekend in Chapel Hill North Carolina. I'm there and I'm live blogging on my facebook page.

The topic is "Reframing Birth and Breastfeeding: Moving Forward" with great speakers like Eugene Declereq, Penny Simkin, Robbie-Davis Floyd and other experts in public health, breastfeeding, advocacy and birth.

Midwifery as A Calling

2011-02-20T01:12:00.000-08:00

You have to check out this post at The Gift of Giving Life and read about how Mormons in the early days of their church considered midwifery a position in the church where women were called according to the inspiration of the spirit to serve the women in their congregations. Unfortunately, this practice did not persist beyond the days of birth moving to the hospital but for the time that it did exist, I can only imagine how empowering, spiritually uplifting and community strengthening such a tradition would be.

As a Mormon by conversion, I am wistful for the days of this practice and wish that society hadn't changed so much that midwives called in each ward or take became a thing of the past. Right now in the church, there is no structure in the organization to connect Mormon (or as I prefer LDS) women with LDS midwives. I know they exist, along with a score of doulas, childbirth educators and birth junkies because I have become acquainted with many of them across the internet.

I know that I as a birthing woman would love to work with an LDS midwife or have an LDS doula. I don't even know if there are LDS doulas or midwives in my area and I wish I did. I love the Christian midwife that I worked with during my last pregnancy but a Christian worldview was second best in comparison to a Mormon worldview. (I can clarify on this if my readers are interested).

As an aspiring midwife and birth attendant, I feel prompted to offer my services as a doula during labor and postpartum to the women in my local congregations. In the past I have tried to get the word out that I am interested and willing to offer this as an act of service but like I said there are few ways to get this known to the local women. Meetings are structured so that there is time for very little else and the scope of the LDS church's women's organization is so broad that its hard to cover all of the many ways that relief can be provided through charity.

I would really like to see a directory/registry/list of LDS doulas, midwives and childbirth educators that is shared on the internet for LDS women to refer to as they are looking for maternity care. In a way, it would bring back a little bit of the community that once existed in the church with Relief Society sisters literally providing relief during some of the most important and hard work of a Mormon woman's life.

Since the church is organized in geographical areas called stakes, I would love to see this list be organized by stakes. Usually a stake covers a city or town (or in some cases a few towns near each other) and has around 1,000 members of the church. Its usually within driving distance from one end of the stake to another and given the distances that I've heard some midwives travel to assist women at their births seems doable for one woman in the stake to reach any and all of the sisters when she is in labor. And there's nothing wrong with having more than one midwife listed in a stake.

The main difference between a list like this and the former way of issuing callings is that no one is assigned to be a specific midwife or doula to a certain area. There could be a dozen midwives and doulas in a given stake (oh what a dream!) and there wouldn't need to be competition or obligation. A childbearing woman has so many options when it comes to birth attendants (hopefully) that often what she needs to make an informed choice is access to information about the options available to her. I truly think that if LDS women knew that there were LDS women near them who were trained and qualified in attending births that they would work together in many cases. What a blessing that would be to the community of sisters!

Who's with me in creating his list? Do you know of any LDS doulas, midwives or childbirth educators in your stake or ward boundaries? Are you one?

Or even better, does what I'm hoping for already exist??

Going global

2010-12-27T02:03:00.000-08:00

I'm coming out all over the place, as a feminist, as a Mormon, as an activist, as an aspiring midwife. Awareness and passion for all of these ideas and activities has led me to expand my focus for what is wrong with the world and what I can do about it.

There is a great deal of conversation on birth blogs that birth advocacy is a inherently biased by privilege, class and race. And I could honestly be a poster child for that. White, middle-class, advanced education, had a negative birth experience and got all uppity about it. In my defense, I had to start somewhere and have my feminist awakening in some way.

I truly believe that my experience giving birth to Willem humbled me in a way where I felt compelled to be more compassionate and empathetic to the suffering of other women. I felt the need to do something about it and one step at a time, my perspective broadened and I took in more of the needless, unethical suffering women experience the world over.

For a few years now, I'm worked with Solace for Mothers and the Coalition for Improving Maternity Services on The Birth Survey. In the last year however, I felt strongly that there is more that I can do than tackle birth from a privileged view.

Some of the efforts of others have brought me to this awareness of thinking outside myself and people most like me. Through their efforts I have found the solidarity of sistership that comes from just being a woman among women. I know I will never be able to set aside my race or my privilege entirely but I cannot let that be an excuse to not be involved in where help is needed and where I am capable of doing something that can help.

Two documentaries shaped this broadening of thought and feminist activist: firstly, Tanya Lee Jones' documentary on preconception education and reducing prematurity in low-income, black America (I cannot find the link for the life of me, maybe someone can help) and "A Walk to Beautiful" which is the story of obstetric fistula patients in Africa who for years, in cases, are unable to access health care to repair their childbirth injuries.

Then I was introduced to two books, "The Life You Can Save" and "Half the Sky" both of which I reviewed (links go to my reviews) where I learned some of the simple ways to make an impact in relieving the suffering and poverty of women in developing countries.

In some ways, the activism work that can be done there seems much more simple than the activism that I do there. In developing countries, often it is infrastructure building and small micro-loans that can make a world of different to women and children who are without means to care for and educate themselves. Yet, here in the United States, and especially with birth activism, its not about lack of resources its about misplaced resources. It is easier to build something than it is to move a monstrosity of an establishment that is entrenched in its ways.

Maybe its an act of trying to comfort myself, when I feel discouraged in getting obstetric violence laws enacted in the United States, or changing the way providers treat women during labor, I know I can get on Kiva.org and make a loan that will better someone's life.

But yet it goes beyond that, I want my children to have an awareness of the world that extends beyond vacations and resorts. I'd like to take them to Africa someday, not to stay where the tourists are, but to work with an organization like THARCE-Gulu where they can play with the local children, while my husband and I work to make a difference in people's lives. If one is going to travel to see the country and learn the culture, than what better way than among its people?

Please excuse the disjointedness of this entry. I am making sense of what is available to me and what I can realistically do. As a child being raised an a Unitarian Universalist, I developed a desire to make a difference and change the world. Now as a young mother, I'm still figuring it out. For a while I thought it was through my own family and being a mother to my children. But in being a mother, I found that I can be involved in changing the world for them. And it is through those efforts, that they too might have a desire to change the world for others. I do not need to put off these efforts until they are older, Someday I do hope to be a service missionary for my church and travel to countries in need of humanitarian aid, but as I learn about volunteer opportunities, I find that I can do some of it now and with children.

My next step is to figure out which organizations will encourage families to volunteer together. I know of WWOOF.org where families with young children can go and volunteer on organic farms around the world. I hope that someday my husband and I will do a trip like that, but I also would like to find opportunities that are more in line with my interests as a feminist, and birth activist. Do you know of any?

Geeking out with Christ's birth

2010-12-18T01:52:00.000-08:00

I found this tonight which I think is interesting:

December 8th: Immaculate Conception of Maryis celebrated in many Latin countries as, according to Catholic doctrine, the day of the conception of the Virgin Mary. The doctrine says that God had preserved Mary from original sin, giving her his grace, the divine life of Jesus Christ.

Read more at Suite101: Winter Holidays, Celebrate December!

This is actually referring to Mary's conception and birth but my mind immediately went to thinking about Christ's conception, and Mary's pregnancy with him. Fitting as its Christmas time and all.

We know that Christ wasn't actually born at Christmas time with most scholars thinking that he was actually born early to mid-Spring. Latter-day Saints believe he was born in April. Using the date, April 6, I thought it would be very cool to know the date of his conception AND birth.

If he had been born at 40 weeks gestation exactly, he would have been conceived in mid July. Using the birthing window that many women not ever faithful in their calculated due date, He may have been born between 37 weeks to be full term and 44 weeks at the outside, meaning he could have been conceived as early as mid June or as late as early August.

Wit that, I then ponder what those last few days of Mary's pregnancy was like based on those 2 scenarios.

First:

The Mary is compelled to go to Nazareth with Joseph to pay the taxes decreed by Cyrenius and she was full-term but not quite to 40 weeks. Maybe she was 37 or 38 weeks pregnant. She hopes that on the trip the baby will not be born and she can return to her home in Galilee to give birth after the tax collecting is done.

The long, arduous, dusty and dehydrating trip caused contractions to start before her due date. As she arrives in Nazareth and they are looking for an inn, she is having contractions and they are increasing in intensity and regularity. If she were me, she'd been freaking out a little. They settle into the stable and within a few hours, Christ is born into hers or Joseph's hands.

The other scenario:

She's past her due date like the majority of first time moms, the baby hasn't been born yet and they have to get to Nazareth to obey the decree of the governor. She hopes that either the baby will wait until after they get back or that the baby can be born before they leave. In most mother's minds, anything is better than laboring on the back of a donkey or giving birth far from home without the presence of wise women: mother, aunts, sisters and cousins. She doesn't get her wish and contractions start during the trip. She's contracting while trying to find a place to birth her baby. The stable does the job and the Christ child is born there.

Either way, my heart goes out to this young girl who gave birth far from her family and home amongst animals and hay. Maybe she was as Zen about it as she is portrayed in the scriptures, but maybe that was a very stressful and upsetting situation for her to be in. Either way, I've been in both of the situations described above. And honestly, I think the over-due scenario would be worse.

Though its not mentioned, I do guess that Mary and Joseph would have been able to locate a midwife to attend the birth if they so chose. Though perhaps it was in the day when the midwife only was called when assistance was needed after some concern or complication arose. Whether Christ's birth was attended by a midwife or unassisted is a toss-up. The unassisted birthers like to claim that Christ was an unassisted birth, so for the sake of not knowing, I won't rain on their parade.

Alright, end of birth geek mode at Christmas time, but that's what you get from a midwifery student...

Sacroiliac Joint Dysfunction

2010-11-14T22:55:00.000-08:00

I've mentioned before that I've had intermittent hip pain since my last pregnancy. I had a spell for about a year where it didn't bother me (from August of 2009 to around May of 2010) so I thought it was something that I could just let work itself out. At some point, I realized that its become too much of a fixture in my life so I needed to do something about finding the root cause. On my birthday this year, it got really bad again so I became serious about addressing it.

I recently visited my naturopathic doctor/midwife who listened and poked around my hip and lower back to try to isolate where the pain was coming from. She mentioned the sacroiliac joint (a joint connecting the sacrum in the low back to the pelvic girdle. Its connected with ligaments and covered with cartilage). She then referred me to a physical therapist who specializes in lumbar-pelvic PT. While I'm waiting for an appointment with the PT, I've been doing some internet homework to try to figure out what is going on. With sacroiliac as a clue, I started my searches.

And this is what I found:

Another common cause of SI joint dysfunction is pregnancy. During pregnancy, hormones are released in the woman's body that allows ligaments to relax. This prepares the body for childbirth. Relaxation of the ligaments holding the SI joints together allows for increased motion in the joints and can lead to increased stresses and abnormal wear. The additional weight and walking pattern (altered gait) associated with pregnancy also places additional stress on the SI joints.

Any condition that alters the normal walking pattern places increased stress on the SI joints. This could include a leg length discrepancy (one leg longer than the other), or pain in the hip, knee, ankle, or foot. Patients with severe pain in the lower extremity often develop problems with either the lower back (lumbar spine) or SI joints. In most cases if the underlying problem is treated, the associated lumbar spine or SI joint dysfunction will also improve.

The most common symptom of SI joint dysfunction is pain. Patients often experience pain in the lower back or the back of the hips. Pain may also be present in the groin and thighs. In many cases, it can be difficult to determine the exact source of the pain. Inflammation and arthritis in the SI joint can also cause stiffness and a burning sensation in the pelvis. 1

Several things can aggravate the SI Joint too. Continual sitting or lying on the affected side will impinge nerves and skew the pelvis. Remember, the body will adopt a bad posture and accept it as normal after a period of time. The pain often worsens when riding in a car, sitting in a movie theater or putting weight on the hips while walking (for example, carrying a child). 2

As I read these findings, I was nodding along.

Pregnancy? Yes

Short leg? Yes (caused by scoliosis)

Pain in the low back, hip, thigh, and thigh, stiffness, burning, and difficulty determining the source of pain? yes, yes and yes.

Sitting or laying on the affected side aggravates? Yes

Worsened pain when carrying a child and walking? Yes (that's exactly what brought it on today, actually)

I'm still using chiropractic, yoga, massage and hip circles to address it. Hip circles, actually, make the most difference when my SI is tight and hurting. I'll have to remember to eat eggs for breakfast tomorrow and its probably time to make my grandma's famous baked custard because that's a mega dose of eggs and so good.

In addition to suggesting physical therapy, my naturopath suggested looking into craniosacral work. She also gave me a medical referral for massage. And she reminded me, which is embarrassing that I completely forgot, about homeopathic arnica for muscle soreness. I've also been seeing an Upper-Cervical chiropractor which is new and different for me than the typical pop and crack chiropractors I've been seeing.

At this point, my husband and I swearing off conceiving another baby. In my lower moments, I come close to despairing and giving up getting pregnant again ever. We even put the option of surgical sterilization on the table, which is a momentous and terrifying thought to me. In having those conversations, I realize in a new way how much I love and appreciate the children I have. I knew then that I can be happy being mother to my two and not regret having another. Still, if it is possible, I hope to recover enough that I can physically handle another one or two or three pregnancies and births. My hopes aren't so high so I can content myself with whatever that is coming my way.

Based on what Vanessa said on my blog page, I'm glad that I'm planning to put off more births. She told the story:

"That is what derailed my planned homebirth with Tess. It was excruciating and worse than any labor pain -at one point, I almost blacked out, threw up and peed myself from the pain. Thought I was in transition -except I was 1cm and 50% effac...ed. Saw an osteopath at 40+3 who tried her best to fix it, but couldn't really do anything. It took a long time to get better. I mainly saw the osteopath, but have also considered a chiropractor (and acupuncture) in case it comes up again in a future pregnancy."

I definitely hope I can avoid that. I have heard acupuncture being helpful for hip joint problems but I haven't pursued it yet either.

I'll update as I meet with and learn more from the physical therapist. I do hope that we can welcome additional biological children into our family and that it will not be at the expense of my physical well-being.

If you are interested in reading other posts that chronicle what I now know is SI joint dysfunction see the following posts (starting from earliest to most recent):

Belle's Birth Story: I describe the moment I felt my SI stretch abruptly.

Not a very interesting update: I describe the hip pain for the first time
Been Away: Started yoga at 3 months postpartum to be gentle on my hip (instead of returning to Irish dance)
Preparing to conceive again: I started wanting another baby but was feeling ambivalent because of my hip problems.
A remedy that might help my hip pain: I learned about lecithin to relieve joint pain
Check that Off the Bucket List: My husband and I took a massage class where he learned some strategies to help massage my hip when its hurting

Midwifery Inquisition: Enrolling in Ancient Art Midwifery Institute

2010-11-11T19:50:00.000-08:00

Today I learned that AAMI is offering a new discounted price of $2850 for their 3 1/2 year advanced midwifery study coursework and I told some friends about it. I've gotten a couple of questions in response, so I figured I would share them with my readers because many others have the same questions or would also appreciate my answers.

Courtney wrote:

Hi Jenne,

I hadn't thought to start my education and training so soon, but this looks like a fabulous opportunity. There is a line on their website that actually mentions getting it done with young children so that it is possible to start practice when they are older. Just what I had in mind so it really spoke to me.

I know that you have started the coursework yourself, so I was interested in how easy you think it will be to truly work on it with babies around. Also, will I really be able to do it all at a distance, until apprenticing? And which of the extra coursework packages would you recommend? I like the idea of getting a bit more in depth education while I can and having longer to complete it, but was curious if you thought it was worth it.

Also, do you have an opinion on Doula certification programs? I've looked into several, and like the philosophies of Childbirth International, Birth Art International, and CAPPA and ALACE. DONA seems wise for referrals and recognition, but I don't like how rigid their restrictions and philosophy appears to be.

I was going to work on this first before midwifery, but maybe I will do them simultaneously.

Any feedback would be appreciated.

Thanks!
Courtney

Hi Courtney (and Chrissy who also asked)

I found myself in the same situation as you. I knew I wanted to do it and then was offered a discounted price and decided to take it up now instead of waiting until later. I've been enrolled since June and I have set aside Saturday mornings to work on it. I find that I can make really good progress if I have that 2-3 hours to just sit down, focus and get to work. Throughout the week I am able to get another few hours in after the children go to sleep at night. I've set up a work space right next to their play area so I can work on some of the definitions and worksheets (to help you take notes on important texts) while they play. Each definition takes a few minutes so if I'm interrupted frequently, there's no interference. Then there is nap time when I can get a bit done. That's how I've been able to work on all my organizations and schooling. I am looking forward to more interrupted time to work when my mom is closer to us and can watch the children, but so far I'm doing fine with my husband being my back-up and not hiring out for childcare.

At this point, I'm not planning on enrolling in any of the extras. I feel like I need to focus on the basic and minimum requirements and if I want to take on additional options later, I'll do that. I do expect to do a number of AEUs and will probably go for the Masters in Midwifery. Right now, I'm so involved in my phase of coursework that I haven't given much though to additional coursework. From what I've seen, AAMI offers so many extras that I have to streamline and learn to say no to some opportunities so I can be successful in my original commitments.

At one point, I looked into all of the doula certifying courses and I came to same conclusion as you about DONA. You might want to look into PALS which is local to the Northwest because its less impacted by political compromises like DONA has been. The in-person sessions would be in the Seattle area but only 3 days a time so you might be able to travel to the distance (and I don't know, stay with friends in the area...). I never got as far as choosing which doula certification program to do because I realized my interest was more in midwifery.

One thing to keep is mind is that AAMI does encourage its students to become childbirth educators in the course of the program so you may find that you'll end up do both, all three or dropping doula because support is covered in the midwifery training.

One thing that should be clear that AAMI is training midwives to be home birth attendants only. You would have the option of taking the test to become a CPM (certified professional midwife) which may allow you in some states to work in birth centers or hospitals. Basically by enrolling in AAMI, you are stating your allegiance to personal, in home, mother-centered care and supportive ultimately of a woman's right and ability to make choices for herself. These choices could include giving birth unassisted and the coursework provides training to you on the why's and hows of being supportive of women who choose that course. This is radical, feminist midwifery with a God-fearing bent. Its amazing and wonderful and I love it. In July I attended a Midwifery Skills Lab where I met other AAMI students, teachers and the founder and they are virtuous Christian feminist women, not what I was expecting from a profession that is stereotyped as atheist hippies.

Let me know if there are other questions I can answer. I would love to have a personal connection with someone also enrolled in the program.

Honoring our Veterans

2010-11-11T09:27:00.000-08:00

Disclosure statement: this is not your typical Veterans Day message. I do appreciate the service of my ancestors, relatives, friends and fellow Americans in the armed forces and recognize the sacrifices that families throughout the world make when their nations and people engage in war. This post will be highlighting the fight that women find in the battlefields of their lives.

The authors of "Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide" cite a statistic that in the years during World War I, more women died in childbirth than men died in battle. An even more interesting and galvanizing statistic would be comparing the number of women who have died in childbirth compared to the number of men who have died as a result of war in the course of history.

Another recognized fact is that a woman dies in childbirth somewhere in the world every minute which is over half a million a year. In addition to deaths, one in three women throughout the world experience the surgical removal of the fetus. The trauma rates of childbirth, expressing itself as PTSD up to 6% of the time, is also about one in three. This trauma can be caused from fear of losing the baby, intense physical pain and even violence perpetrated by health professionals. The number of abortions that take place through the world is upward of 40 million a year and spontaneous miscarriages and stillbirths are known to happen in approximately 30% of pregnancies. In countries where rape is used as a weapon of war, many babies are conceived in trauma and horror. In the Unites States were one in three girls experience sexual assault or molestation in their lives, childbirth can be a triggering event leading them to recall their assault. That's a lot of death, grief, trauma and loss caused by or experience in a normal event and that's not quantifying the childbirth injuries or complications like obstetric fistula, nerve damage, postpartum hemorrhage, etc.

Its not just a developing world issue, women in the developing world face the same possibilities though in some cases with reduced risks.

I think its safe to say that giving birth is the woman's war. Its the battle between life and death coalescing into a brief period of time ranging from a couple hours to a couple of days and it can happen a number of times in a woman's life. Though the total fertility rate is around 1.7 in many developed countries, some women give birth many more times than that in their lifetime.

And every woman has her birth story. That she often remembers in great detail throughout her life and into old age.

Childbirth has been an intensely fulfilling, peaceful, joyful and safe experience. While men can beat their swords into plowshares and refrain from war, women cannot stop bearing children (if we want our species to survive). Yet we can make childbirth safer, more fulfilling and joyful for women around the world. By ignoring, and allowing the governments of our planet to overlook childbirth issues, we are saying that a war on women ought to continue.

Each woman who has given birth is a veteran. Whether she bears the physical scars of a C-section, episiotomy and stretch marks or the psychological scars of a traumatic birth experience or she can returned home the victor after an orgasmic birth experience, she has survived and come out the other side of an intense battle for autonomy, confidence, life and attachment.

Today may be a day to recognize Veterans of wars and armed forces, but my remembrance is called up to my mothers and sisters who give birth.

Any remembrance post that is calling attention to an important topic needs a How-To address this issue. I'll refer you to the appendix in Half the Sky as the authors have created an impressive lists of ways to address global issues impacting women.

Removed My Amazon store

2010-11-10T23:39:00.000-08:00

In catching up with blogs today, I've become alerted to a boycott being instituted against Amazon.com. Evidently they are selling, and defending their right to sell, a book written as a how-to guide for pedophiles.

This, understandably, has a few (read MANY) people upset and it leaves me wondering how it is even legal. First Amendment and Freedom of Speech, yes--all well and good, but basically an admission of guilt and incitement of others to commit a crime?

To find out more, read posts at We Are That Family and PhDinParenting.

My response is to suspend purchases from Amazon until they decide on the correct course of action. I also removed the link to my amazon store posted at the footer of my blog.

Dreaming of a Garden

2010-11-09T23:24:00.000-08:00

This last planting season, I experimented with a vegetable garden for the first time in my life. Our apartment community provided P-Patches and in our we planted a variety of vegetables. I was anticipating disappointment so I was pleasantly surprised to be able to harvest beets, carrots, kale, swiss chard and cabbage from our garden. I enjoyed watching my children eat strawberries off the vine. On the other hand, the tomatoes rotted on the vine before they ripened (it was a hard season, very cool, not a lot of sun), the spinach and basil didn't come up, the cilantro dried up.

Now that I've met with some success and learned some things, I am really looking forward to the next planting season. I've gotten an idea of the types of vegetables that we use the most and want to grow on our own. Kale is one that we want to grow a great deal of because we know we would use it. Basil is another. I'll try tomatoes again but I'd probably start them from a nursery bought plant rather than seed. We'd do strawberries again, but probably in ground rather than in containers. The carrots were probably the biggest success though a few ended up looking more potato shaped.

One of the reasons why I'm getting so excited is that we are currently house hunting so I'm keep my eyes open for yards that would make for good planting. The current leader on our list of possibilities has the perfect 15 x 15 area for a garden. There's a small fence with a gate to keep children from playing it and jutting off one side is a side yard large enough to plant a small orchard.

If we are fortunate enough to move into that house, I would be so very happy to plant a great deal more next season than I did this last year. I would hope for an over abundance of kale and carrots. And really hope that we get some tomatoes.

My husband has a colleague who grows large quantities of tomatoes each year that she can make a freeze soups, sauces and eat many raw throughout the season. I aspire to something like that, because we love tomatoes in this house.

This year I was going for simple success, next year I'll be trying for abundance. This is going to be a long winter of anticipation...

EC: 17 months

2010-11-09T01:21:00.000-08:00

Belle is indicating more and more frequently when she needs to go to the bathroom. A couple of months ago, she would adamantly nod her head if you asked "Do you need to go potty?" when she did need to go. Then she transitioned to nodding every time you asked, regardless of real need. That was fun...

Now she will start to pull at her clothes, her diaper, point to her bottom, run to the bathroom or nod at the person closest to her. Sometimes she'll grab my finger and pull me towards to bathroom and other times, she'll look intently at me like I'm supposed to know exactly what she needs.

She's starting to vocalize what she needs and will say "Puh" when pointing to her bottom. That's when I know she needs to poop. I'm glad and I think she's glad she knows that having poop wiped off her bottom is unpleasant and unnecessary for us both.

After months of frustration with the little potty, we finally found one that works for her. The Bjorn Little Potty would slide on the linoleum floor and was often very cold so she refused to use it. She preferred the adult toilet with the child insert. This was fine, but it was often a challenge to get her all the way up the stairs to the toilet before she released. When I saw this design for a potty chair, I figured it was worth a try. It has rubber stoppers on the feet to prevent it from sliding and was of a more substantial weight and a better height for her to sit comfortably.

Now she will take herself over the her potty chair and sit down. Sometimes she forgets she has clothes on so I have to watch pretty closely. She's not able to get herself onto the adult toilet yet on her own but she can with her potty chair.

She is starting to keep herself dry most of the time. When visiting friends, she'll indicate that she needs to go to the bathroom. Out and about in the car or on walks doesn't work so well. She is mainly nonverbal when it comes to her communication so when she's sitting in her rear-facing car seat, I can hear or see if she's indicating her need.

There are times when its obvious she needs to pee or that its a normal time for her to pee (after waking up from a nap) and she will refuse. At those times, I won't push her and keep up asking her more frequently until she does go.

She is starting to communicate with others regarding her elimination needs and not just me. The other day when our neighbor cared for her, Belle kept her diaper dry all day. She let the neighbor take her to the toilet and indicated when she needed to go. I was very impressed.

Today, she stayed dry all day and this is becoming a more regular occurrence. I found some underwear for her to start wearing and I dress her in soft knit pants that are easy for her to pull down. She's starting to try to pull her pants up herself and put her underwear on too.

Some nights she will stay dry. For a few months, it was more reliable but these days its not so much. Belle isn't particularly a fan of undressing to go to the bathroom at night, and I don't blame her...

I don't know when I'll start dressing her in underwear full-time; probably when she has a verbal cue for needing to head to the potty. Right now I use diapers as insurance. I expect she'll keep it dry but if in case, she doesn't we don't have a puddle to clean up. And she will let you know if she's about to pee in her diaper. She gets really upset and will scream about it. This can be hard to understand the meaning of her screaming in the moment because there are so many other things she could be screaming about. I'm really looking forward to the day when I hear her yell "Potty!"

Check that off the Bucket List

2010-11-06T22:27:00.000-07:00

For a couple of years, Peter and I have wanted to be taught some basic massage techniques so we can give each other massages where both of us actually know what we are doing. Peter is built like a Viking (think a full size version of Glimli from Lord of the Rings). The muscles in his back are hard as bone, and its so broad that I have a very hard time massaging him. And for him, his hands are so strong and my body so bony and muscles so small in comparison that he has a hard time being gentle enough to not hurt me.

We had thought about finding a massage therapist to teach us some basic techniques but we hadn't been able to arrange anything. Then through his university, we enrolled in the Extension program's course for couple massage, but that too didn't work out.

But then today, I had the opportunity to not only take a full day class with my husband learning together the elements and techniques of massage, I was introduced to the campus of Bastyr University. The campus is beautiful, their cafeteria fully vegetarian with vegan and gluten free options. I learned about their bookstore as a resource for buying used midwifery textbooks and other supplies which I'll make use of in my midwifery program. Now the trick will be to visit again with two little ones in tow...

They offer continuing education and community education courses one of which is an 8 hour, bring a partner and learn massage course called Massage Made Easy.

A neighbor cared for our children today while we went.

Now I know some ways to isolate those knotted muscles on my husband's back and massage each part of the body with basic massage techniques.

I learned the value of a massage table which we don't have and can't afford to buy but I do know that my mother at one point purchased a portable massage table. I hope she still has it and once she moves to be near to us, I hope we'll be able to borrow and use it. Maybe not every day, but when sleeping children, exhaustion levels and midnight work cooperate.

A highlight of the class today was when an elderly man said, "Why don't marriage therapists recommend classes like this to married couples to strengthen their marriage?"

I do believe I have heard marriage educators and therapists recommend massage to couples, but I'll echo the man's recommendation. I do know from my experience that giving massages to your spouse is a good way to come together and show physical love and care separate from sex, while providing relaxation and connection that perhaps, and often will lead to intercourse. I'm reminded of the post which taught me that daily routines and rituals of caring for one's family can be devotionals and moments of quiet reflection where prayers or thoughts of love and concern can be imbued into daily activities. I can see how massaging one's partner can have the same power.

Balancing Luxury and Charity

2010-10-17T23:44:00.000-07:00

Last month, our family went on a cruise to Alaska. It really was an enjoyable trip but as I was thinking of the luxury of the experience I also thought of the life situations of many around the world that is so opposite from what I was experiencing. I've become more aware of global poverty and my role in being the change I want to see in the world that I knew if I could afford a trip like that that I could also afford giving more to alleviate the poverty of many through out the world. I started thinking about what I could give. It really was a vague thought while on this trip and one I knew I wanted to continue pondering.

Then this last week, like an answer to a prayer, I heard on NPR an interview with Peter Singer who wrote "The Life You Can Save" which is his call to the people of the world to give a portion of their income to causes working to address global poverty. The website The Life You Can Save provides a calculator where you can find out what 1% of your income is (since I assume most of my readers earn less than $105,000 USD a year) as well as a list of organizations that are addressing poverty in a sustainable and community building way.

It was a bit of a wake up calling knowing that 1% of my income is less than what my family spends in eating out at restaurants each year (blush...) and yet its also a good lesson that giving to causes that actually make a difference in the lives of people is more possible than I had thought.

One of the organizations named on The Life You Can Save website is the Worldwide Fistula Fund which helps repairs physical damage to a mother caused by prolonged labor and lack of access to emergency maternity care in poor countries. The documentary A Walk to Beautiful highlights what is like for a woman who becomes completely incontinent as a result of childbirth and how she becomes an outcast in her community as a result. The treatment is estimated to be about $450 to restore a woman where she is able to rejoin her community.

Another organization that has come highly recommended to me is The Hunger Project because it assists an entire village for five years. This one is highly attractive to me as it focuses on an entire community rather than an individual or family.

I am also familiar with the humanitarian work that the LDS Church does and I know that in addition to providing immediate emergency relief in natural disasters, they also work on community building in poverty stricken areas around the world. I look forward to the day when my husband and I can serve humanitarian service missions. Perhaps I'll be able to put my midwifery training to use in this way.

In taking a look at my finances, I know this is something that I can do even in addition the tithing that I pay on my family's income to my church. In viewing the comfort and opportunities available to me and my children, I know that it is something I should do.

I took the pledge on The Life You Can Save and used their calculator to figure out what the guidelines are for my income level. I am encouraged by the stories of the people on the site who report that they can comfortably give more than the recommended guideline even on low incomes. One man from the UK makes the equivalent of $25,000 a year and finds he can donate 5% of his income to global poverty efforts.

Have you heard of this idea of widespread societal giving? What do you think? Will you take the pledge? Which organizations do you feel drawn to support?

Help me use up our vegetables

2010-10-15T16:45:00.001-07:00

I purposefully refuse to substitute items from my CSA because I want to encourage adventurous eating in our house. There's a disconnect however. We get it and then we don't know what to do with it and sometimes I don't get around to figuring it out.

So I'm going to make this a a little game: I'll list the vegetables (we know what to do with the fruit...) that I got and you guys can tell me some ideas for what to make.

Hopefully, I'll get a plan to use everything up.

In this weeks CSA, we have:
1 bunch of radishes
2 Baby Bok Choy
1 bunch Red Chard
1 (surprisingly large!) bunch green onions
1 acorn squash
2 lbs of yukon potatoes
1 bunch of basil
1 head red leaf lettuce

With the bok choy, I'm planning to make a red lentil dish with spicy red peppers and coconut milk with jasmine rice. A neighbor brought it over to us after Belle was born and I loved it. Now I've got all the ingredients and I'm going to give it a try on my own.

Swiss chard we usually do as a side vegetable with any meal so that's easy.

We just had caprese salad the other night so I'm looking for something different to do with the basil.

I'm stumped mostly with the radishes. We're not fans of them raw and have no idea how to otherwise prepare them so we're not overwhelmed by the strong flavor.

Extra points are given to anyone who can combine ingredients for a tasty meal.

German is in the House

2010-10-13T17:35:00.001-07:00

Rixa inspired me to blog about one of our family's newest adventures.

Willem is going to preschool, and not just any preschool. Its a school for German immersion.

Given my educational and professional background, I had been opposed to sending Willem to a preschool when I am a fully qualified (and have make a hobby of purchasing all the supplies needed by a) preschool teacher. But I am not qualified in being bilingual.

My husband, however, is fluent in German, though he has not attained native fluency. So when we found out about the German preschool, I was willing to give Willem the exposure to a language that he could learn and then converse with his dad. The hope is then that Belle will be exposed to the language and learn it herself. I may never become fluent but I'll benefit from the exposure and learn some as well.

Willem has been in school for a month now. I wish I could say that he loves it but he hates waking up and getting ready to go to school in the mornings he attends each week. I hope its just a matter that he doesn't like the process of getting there, but I have heard other complaints like there are too many children there and that he only likes mamas who speak in English and not in German and that he doesn't like German.

We're not giving up yet though. So we try to explain to him the reasons for why its a good thing if he learns a new language and why its important to go to bed early to wake up in time. My husband tries to speak to the children in German more often than he has in the past.

We've tried to think of ways to bring the German language into the house more. And the preschool teacher in me says that the easiest and most effective way of doing that is through German language children's books, music and other media. Its really hard to access German language children's materials in the United States. His school does have a lending library, thankfully, which we will begin to make use of.

Yet, just today, Rixa has helped break through that barrier about blogging about her Stand and Deliver: Little Pim language DVD giveaway!

I'm entering and I hope I'll be able to win one of the German language DVDs and we'll give it a try with Willem and Belle. They really like the Singing Times videos and I hope that a German language video would be similarly popular in the house.

Wish me luck!

Three years later, we get some answers

2010-09-21T16:38:00.000-07:00

You know those questions that linger in your mind for years and one day you come along to the answer? That happened to me the other day while reading Holistic Midwifery by Anne Frey.

In my first pregnancy, one of the most upsetting events was being inaccurately diagnosed with pregnancy induced hypertension. At a 34 week prenatal appointment, my blood pressure at the start of the appointment was 160/89. That is a higher reading than my normal which was closer to 140/70. It also just happened to be a particularly stressful day where I was having a hard time holding down food, was late to my appointment by a traffic jam on the freeway and parked a half mile from the clinic and walked/ran to get there as soon as possible, all after facilitating a class for 14 2 year olds for the morning.

In researching the clinical diagnosis standards of PIH (pregnancy induced hypertension), I found that its only diagnosable after two systolic (the bottom number) readings over 90. First, it wasn't over 90 and second, it didn't happen twice. But regardless that was enough for the midwives in the practice to tell me in no uncertain terms that I needed to go on bedrest immediately.

In trying to understand the statistical risks of increasing blood pressure in pregnancy, I couldn't get very clear information from my providers. Not on what causes it, what it means and what the chances were of a poor outcome to occur, or effective ways of lowering blood pressure, what my physical needs were at that point in pregnancy. My husband and I were both frustrated but decided that bedrest might not be a terrible thing since it would give me time to work on my masters degree before the baby was born. At the time, we figured that we were hedging our bets and being more safe than sorry.

The side effects of bedrest could be a whole other post, actually. But to what I learned about high blood pressure and what it had to do with my pregnancy.

Anne Frye taught me that it was pretty obvious that I was malnourished during my pregnancy.

"Liver-related demands increase as pregnancy advances. Maintaining lifer function at peak efficiency requires a well-balanced diet with enough protein, calories, vitamins, salt, other minerals and fluids to meet the demands of increased metabolic activity. The liver can only make albumin (maintains blood volume through attracting an appropriate amount of fluid into the bloodstream) from dietary protein. If the diet in inadequate in an essential nutrient, the pregnancy suffers. If calories are inadequately supplies in the mother's diet, she will burn protein for her energy needs. Malnutrition due to a lack of either calories or high quality proteins can result in many complications of pregnancy...[including toxemia or blood pressure issues]. (p, 195)."

Because of the increased blood volume of pregnancy (+50-60%!), the liver must work harder to meet the requirements of the baby and placenta. The kidneys respond when there is not adequate blood volume by reabsorbing larger amounts of water and salt as they filter the blood and/or by producing a substance called renin which constricts the blood vessels. When the blood volume is low and the blood vessels constrict around the available fluid, blood pressure is increased and it can be seen in blood pressure changes like what I experienced.

Its no surprise that day I was feeling terrible with dehydration and lack of food!

It wasn't just an isolated day that led up to it. Throughout my second and third trimesters, I was exhausted most of the time and really struggled eating enough. I would get home from work, eat a can of prepared soup and then take a 2-3 hour nap. I felt like I couldn't get enough protein no matter how hard I tried. Even carrying around snacks and eating often, I was either too busy working or too tired from working that I didn't have enough energy to prepare food for myself. I frequently skipped or did not have a good breakfast and then my insubstantial lunch.

With this information, I'm able to make sense of why I was so tired. Working while pregnant, though not a terrible decision, placed stress on me that I did not prepare or compensate for very well. There has been some research that shows that pregnant women working can predict high blood pressure and preeclampsia, which could also be its own post...

The bottom line is that I struggled to eat well during that pregnancy. I even remember a time that I was so weak and tired that I called a woman from my church who came and brought me food. Eventually it negatively affected my pregnancy.

Unfortunately, its pretty common for providers to not understand the physiology and connection between nutrition, blood volume and PIH. My husband also appreciates learning this because it finally filled in the missing information we wished we had and struggled to access at the time.

Anne Frey's calls this blindness in the medical community a political as well as feminist issue. It is very important to understand the cause of increased blood pressure in pregnancy instead of treating it after when it becomes preeclampsia and a woman is experiencing seizures.

Late Announcement

2010-08-30T23:26:00.000-07:00

I failed to post on my blog that I bit the bullet and enrolled in midwifery school. If you've been following my Facebook page, this is old news. I just haven't gotten around to telling my blog readers about it.

After my first child was born, I got fascinated by learning about childbirth. I learned that while the physiological process is pretty simple, the cultural process of pregnancy and birth for a woman is much more complicated. Being a birth junkie became a hobby and my blog here was its product. If you are a regular reader here you know the process I've gone through. If you are a new reader, it doesn't take long to get an idea.

There came a certain point where I knew that my knowledge about birth had hit a plateau. In preparing for my second child's birth, my husband and I basically took a childbirth education class that was more like a crash course in emergency midwifery skills taught privately by our midwife's assistant. After my daughter was born, my midwife told me that if I ever wanted to attend a birth with her all I needed to do was ask.

I felt uncomfortable with that offer, though appreciative and excited at the same time. I didn't feel right inviting myself into a woman's labor because I had a compulsion to see birth as a witness rather than the subject. Attending a birth in that way would give me no official standing, no reason to be there other than voyeur. I would not welcome a person into my birthing space for that reason, I wasn't about to enter someone else's.

Perhaps though, it was my midwife's attempt to lead me into an apprenticeship. Now that I'm a midwifery student, I feel I have that official standing and the desire to become an apprentice formally. I'm hoping in the near future that I'll take her up on the offer and be available for prenatal visits as well.

Details, you ask?

I've enrolled in Ancient Arts Midwifery Institute in their Advanced Midwifery Studies certificate program. The school is owned and operated by Carla Hartley, founder of the Trust Birth Initiative and force behind the Trust Birth Conference. Its a 42 month program and an apprenticeship is not required during that time. Just in time for Christmas 2013, I will need to be done with the coursework.

The program started out as the Midwifery Homestudy Course which means that then, and now, its an independent study, apprentice based program where students get their book learning through completing the coursework and get their practical experience through apprenticeship and in person skills labs offered periodically.

Its perfect for me because I am dedicated to staying home and caring for my young children. I'm also dedicated to my sanity and developing my skills and talents. This course provides me with the balance to be anxiously engaged in a good cause though learning by study as well as being present with my children and their primary care provider. If I was able to complete a master's degree with the support of my husband while gestating two babies, I can do this program with his support as well.

I had been contemplating enrolling for awhile because I recognized the value of the education. Its very affordable in comparison to all on-campus midwifery programs. I also endorse the philosophy of practice and share the believes that birth belongs to mothers, not midwives or doctors or even the dominant culture. Earlier this summer, Carla was offering discounts to people in various places to enroll and I jumped at it. I later learned that she uses this trick to get potential students to take the step to enrollment. Clever and I'm glad she did it.

Part of the decision to enroll came because I had applied to PhD programs at the University of Washington to start this fall but I did not get in. I felt strongly that I needed some form of continued education and learning so when that didn't pan out, I saw the wisdom in becoming trained as a midwife as it would serve me in my academic career later. I think it might also help me get accepted into a PhD program in the future as well. I'm not disappointed that I'm not able to pursue a PhD at this time and I'm excited to immerse myself in birth at a new level.

My goals in becoming a midwife are not to own and operate a busy independent midwifery service. I'm not interested in maintaining a business. I'm more interested in the research, public policy and advocacy that will help midwifery become a more recognized and respected profession and provide a warning voice on the pitfalls of licensure and regulation. My birth experiences will continue to greatly inform my ideas as a birth advocate and I pray that I will never forget the primary need for the woman to consent and be the ultimate decision maker for her births. Please correct me if you ever suspect that I'm drifting from that position.

That's my hope for my future involvement in birth. To have the knowledge of a midwife which will inform academic research. When the time comes for me to apply to PhD programs again, I'll be looking at public health, women's studies, human development and public policy. Until then I'll be learning, serving as a midwifery assistant in a limited capacity and loving and enjoying my children.

I already had the chance to participate in the Basic Midwifery Skills Lab. These labs are taught a few times throughout the year in various locations across the country. In July, one was being held an hour from my home so I jumped at the chance to attend. In the lab, we were taught about the basics of midwifery practice as well as the hands-on skills of giving injections, starting IVs, suturing, inserting catheters, palpating fetuses, listening with fetoscopes, assessing blood pressure. The highlight, perhaps, was my introduction to the Vagina in a Box. I later learned that the midwifery and nursing students at the University of Washington wished that the nursing school would invest in this teaching aid. That was an indication to me that I'll be getting a better education than CNMs at one of the nation's top universities.

I met some amazing women at the SkillsLab. i even won a half price discount to the 2012 Trust Birth Conference. I've become friends with one of the women who lives just a couple of hours away from me. Together, we are planning to attend the Advanced Skill Lab being held in Oregon next year as well as rooming together at the conference.

If you've got any questions about the AAMI program, let me know, or if there's anything I left out or you want to know more about.

The Best Night in a While

2010-08-24T10:58:00.000-07:00

Belle, now 14 1/2 months old, is sleeping awfully. At six months, she was night-waking once for breastmilk. That continued until she was 13 months old and even for a while she did not wake for milk in the middle of the night. It was wonderful.

Now she's discovered that she can come into bed with us and that she actually enjoys bedsharing--a complete reversal of her wants and needs at 6 months old.

While I'm pleased that she likes to cuddle during sleep which is in fact what I would have preferred all along, she has not been sleeping well until she comes into bed with us and continues to not sleep well when in bed. Because of that, we've all been exhausted. I've been pretty worn down since she mainly sleeps and cuddles with me, thence I'm the one she keeps awake most. I wondered when the inevitable sickness from not sleeping would come. It hit over the weekend. Impressive given this sleep situation has been going on for 3-4 weeks.

Last night we found something that worked better and at least got me the sleep I've been sorely lacking. When she woke up at 1 am, my husband went into her room with her and they cuddled the night away. Because she's congested, she didn't sleep so soundly but from what my husband said it was better than recent nights. He actually got a deep sleep between 3:30 am and when he got up at 10:00. I got a sound sleep and I'm feeling invigorated.

I hope this is not the solution for getting enough sleep. I know that if I were to switch off on nights with him that the nights she sleeps with me wouldn't not work as well as it does with him. With bedsharing, its very much like the book "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie." If you give her a spot in the bed next to mama, she will ask for mama milk. All. Night. Long.

She's perfectly happy to not eat during sleeptime but if its available, she'll take advantage. And harass me until I give in. It just seems like a happier arrangement for all of us, if she's sharing the bed next to my husband and not me.

I'm tempted to rearrange the sleep arrangements for her sake again. At six months old, we moved the sidecar crib into the children's bedroom (where at the time no children slept). That necessitated a complete rearrangement of other furniture too. I wonder if this time, the answer is to rearrange the twin bed that's in the other room. I think there's enough space between our queen size mattress and the wall in our room for a twin to fit. I'm on the same page with my husband, though, we hate moving. In the first few years of our marriage, we moved frequently and since then we live in a transient neighborhood so we are often helping neighbors move. Even the thought of rearranging furniture in our house is enough to make us less than willing.

We'll see how long we can be happy with my husband not sleeping in our marriage bed, with my young son with me and him with our daughter. Maybe we'll break down in the not distance future and try the extended to king bed in our room.

In preparation for that, can anyone recommend bed connectors that work well and don't leave a big gap between mattresses?

A remedy that might help my hip pain

2010-08-18T02:07:00.000-07:00

ve blogged about the right hip pain I've had since my second baby's birth and how I'm trying to address it now before it becomes chronic and so it doesn't interfere with my plans to have more babies. So far the things I've found that make the most difference are yoga and practicing proper posture throughout the day. When its been really bad therapeutic massage has been more effective than chiropractic. I've also found that the exercises and heel lift for my shoe that my chiropractor gave me for correcting my scoliosis makes my hip pain much worse so I've taken those out of my routine.

Tonight I learned about another thing that might help when my hip starts to bother me (which is much less than it has in the past). Buscando La Luz who blogs at Birth Faith posted about Lecithin supplementing for remedying joint and pelvic pain. In an impressively comprehensive post, she taught me that lecithin can address the same type of issue I'm trying to address and that eggs are a good source of lecithin. She tells about learning this for herself and how regularly eating eggs when she is pregnant can keep the pelvic pain at bay.

I think I know what I'm having for breakfast tomorrow...

Adding to my Public Policy Toolbox

2010-08-12T01:26:00.000-07:00

There are lots of proposals for improving public health and infant mortality rates. I've had a package in mind for a while and it generally includes:

federally paid maternity and paternity leave
tele-commuting, work from home and flex time options for workers
incentives to employers to provide on-site child care to employees
subsidies for stay at home parents
homeschool resource and support centers in every community
Family Child Interaction Learning Programs to encourage school readiness and parent/child attachment

But today I learned of a new one. Taught to me by none other than Feminist Guru of our times, Gloria Steinem. In this article, she mentions the Caregivers Tax Credit which as she describes,

"we can also pass legislation to attribute an economic value to care giving at replacement level (whether care giving is raising children, talking care of elderly parents, AIDS patients; whatever), make this amount tax deductible in a household that pays taxes, or tax refundable in households too poor to pay taxes (thus substituting for the disaster of welfare reform). This Caregivers Tax Credit unifies the so-called soccer mom and the welfare mom because both benefit. You can find out more about this legislation, which just expands the refundability principle we won in the Child Tax Credit – though a lot of people don’t know they’re eligible; you should publicize that – to care giving."

She also links to the website: http://caregivercredit.org./about.php which includes the opportunities to sign up for the campaign newsletter, an endorsement form and an invitation to write to your representatives in Congress to support the creation of this new tax credit.

There is also a survey that you can take where you can report your thoughts on this tax credit and if its something that you would benefit from.

Preparing to conceive again

2010-07-25T22:57:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, I went to a training to learn the more clinical aspects of midwifery and I came away from it with some upheaval. Not about birth but about my future children.

First there were lots of Moms with Many or Quiverful Moms there with 6-10 kids each. This is a big deal for me because I've never gotten to know personally mothers of large families so I've never been able to envision me being the mother of more than 5-6. That is further complicated by my husband not wanting more than 6. Then I learned that my fears of pelvic floor dsyfunction was real and my concerns about my hip pain are getting stronger. And I realized that if I want 5-6 (or more) kids that I'm not going to have enough time before I get to 40. And then the physical issues might make it hard to have that many more kids.

So one at a time:
On our first date, I told my husband I am aiming for 6 or more children and he didn't feel confident that he could be a father to that many so he said he'd be comfortable 4 (which is one more than his parents had). For the sake of an easy compromise, I said 5 and that's what still remains the agreement now because I haven't felt like pushing for more. As of now, he doesn't know that I'm now thinking of more than 6.

Then is the fear of not being able to physically withstand more than 6 pregnancies. After two pregnancies so far, I have chronic hip pain that I fear might be arthritis. Through yoga, working on correcting my posture, chiropractic adjustments and regular massages, I can keep the pain from being all the time but it often nags most of the time. There was a point just after Belle was born that I couldn't walk it was so bad and I had to find a chiropractor in a state I didn't live in so I could get the joint put back in place. It was really uncomfortable at the end of Belle's pregnancy and I'm scared if I don't get it healed before I get pregnant again my next pregnancy will be really difficult and it could be worse after. And the older I get, the worse it will be.

The other effect of two pregnancies I'm worried about is the prolapse (cytocele and rectocele to more precise). Basically, it means that my vaginal walls have been weakened so when my bladder or colon is full, both can be felt weighing on the vaginal walls. Its really common in women who have had children and it really only negatively affects me when I'm on my menstrual cycle. It makes wearing regular or super sized tampons difficult because they get pushed out by the collapsing tissue. Its also the reason why the Diva Cup doesn't work for me. I am concerned however that if I don't work to rectify it now that it will get worse in more pregnancies and become a problem.

Between those two things, I'm scared that I will be so effected that having a third baby will make life after that baby so difficult that I wouldn't be able to care for the children I have, let alone have more children.

On the other side of that, is if those things can be resolved so I'm no longer in pain and don't need to worry about more severe prolapse, then how long will it take? 3 years? That was my original plan, I knew that having both children so close together meant I needed to have more time before the next one. Now I'm concerned if I wait that long, I won't have enough time before I decide I'm too old to have another baby. If I turn 40 in 2024 and I have my next baby in 2013, that's 11 years of time to have more babies. Every two years, I could have 5 more. So I feel my upper limit is 7 then which means that only 7 of the 9 names we have chosen would be used for our children. And I'm scared that having babies every two years will be too much for my body because having two babies in two years already has been too much for my body and I'll just be older which will means pregnancies are automatically going to be harder than if I was younger.

Meeting the Quiverful moms was really an inspiring experience for me. Many of them had their first babies younger than I did. So I'm already feeling "behind" like I was getting a late start. Though I know that even having a baby at 21 is still plenty young aside from the fact that it was perfectly right for me. I also am realizing that my body, because of breastfeeding, is going to space children a little more than 2 years apart, which I feel is great and good because its a sign of how Heavenly Father created us to bare and care for our babies.

I don't want to be in competition with other mothers to have as many babies as they do, but I do like seeing the fruits of their families. The older children learn how to be parents by caring for their younger brothers and sisters. Mothers get help in managing and caring for so many people, and from what I've seen the older siblings caring for the younger allow mothers to be involved in activities that take them outside the home (in this case, to become midwives). I also like the idea of not worrying about fertility and accepting pregnancies as they come, having faith and reliance on God.

I know that's the answer. To trust in God, pray to know what to do about my hip because, really, that is what concerns me most.

I think what I wish is that my hip pain could be gone and not a worry because if it were, I would be excited to conceive again as soon as possible. I'm already feeling stirrings for another baby but I'm so scared of how painful that pregnancy would be if I were to get pregnant now with my hip the way it is.

And even if my hip was fine and I could conceive again so early (I'm thinking that my luteal phases are still too short), I'm almost positive my husband would be opposed because according to his plan, we are not going to have another baby until he graduates and we move. I have to throw this in too: he frustrates because to me it appears that he does not consider God's plan for our family at all when it comes to trying to conceive. I think he might think that he's going to decide whatever he wants and just trust thats what God wants for him. I'm not feeling like I can agree with that.

To further complicate things is the circumcision issue. As far as I know, he still is obstinately supportive of circumcising our next son and he refuses to even talk about it until we know we are having a boy. I want to be surprised with the gender our next babies so that is the recipe for an all out fight after the baby is born. I don't want to put off finding consensus until after or even while pregnant. I'm pretty sure a large portion of the reason why he doesn't want to discuss circumcision is because he would rather not face the idea his parents did something to him when he could not stop them and it may now have negative affects on him.

Oh my goodness, this thought just occurred to me: what if my hip problems and his not wanting to discuss circumcision is linked? Karma could make it possible...

So there you go, those are all my issues. I'd love advice on any of the above.

Dreaming Again: Dream House Features

2010-07-18T01:25:00.000-07:00

The other morning my husband and I came to the conclusion that its really not a good idea to bathe and then feed young children in the mornings. It makes much more sense to feed the child (especially messy things like oatmeal, fresh berries, etc) and then bathe said child. That doesn't happen in our house because the only bathroom is upstairs while the kitchen is downstairs. So of course, we asked the question: wouldn't it be nice to have a small kitchenette area upstairs so the family can eat breakfast before going downstairs and then shower after eating?

Which then, of course, led to a conversation about what else we would want in our dream house. Below is that list. I'm probably missing a sunroom or screened patio or office or something downstairs. A few years ago we bought a design software program where we could design everything down to the landscaping. When we got started with putting it together, we didn't know what rooms would be in it and its kind of hard to design a house not knowing the features of the interior.

There's a good chance we'll never design our own house, but its fun to dream.

Top Floor:
2 child/guest bedrooms
1 bathroom
Master suite with bathroom (stall shower, jetted deep tub, double vanity)
great room
kitchenette

Bottom Floor:
2 bedrooms
open concept kitchen to living room
pantry
dining room
2 bathrooms

Basement:
full finished basement with bathroom

Separate building:
upstairs office for me
downstairs office for husband

Mothering Styles: INTP

2010-07-15T18:02:00.000-07:00

A quiz based on the Meyers-Briggs Personality test specially designed to asses mothering styles showed in my Facebook newsfeed the other day. The results are very accurate for me and give me some insights into what comes naturally for me and helps to assuage some of the guilt I feel in certain circumstances.

Now if only there was accompanying findings on which styles are most effective and if certain styles are effective at gaining the results they are seeking to get from their kids.

One interesting thing though is that I make a concerted effort to maintain interdependence and community as values for my children and I often find it in conflict with my natural tendency to encourage independence and autonomy. I hope that my children display both sides of it and get a good balance passed on to them.

The 'Love of Learning' Mother
INTP (Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Perceiving)

Intellectually curious and patient, the INTP mother relishes those times with a child when they are learning something interesting together. Whether they're at the zoo or computer terminal, she sparks to answering his or her "whys" with in-depth responses or new knowledge.

The INTP mother is also objective and introspective. She listens to and discusses children's ideas and questions as she would those of a peer, fostering self-esteem and confidence. Open and non-directive, she allows children the freedom to do for themselves and quietly encourages them to believe they can do it.

Independence, autonomy, intellectual development, and self-reliance are probably the INTP's highest priorities for her children. An avid reader, she naturally imparts an appreciation and love of reading as well.

Drawn to all types of learning, the INTP may also value her mothering experience for all the new insights about life it provides her.

Strengths

Fostering her child's intellectual development. The INTP mother has respect for her child's mind, thinking, and reasoning, regardless of his or her age. Her goal is to shape her children's intellectual development, taking seriously their thoughts, ideas, and questions. She enjoys watching how they absorb and use new information.

Teaching. Desiring to meet her children's need to learn and know, the INTP mother is born to teach. She instills a love of learning by finding ways to build on a child's natural curiosity. Beyond tirelessly answering a multitude of questions, she enjoys leading him or her to new books, real-life experiences, or hands-on activities.

Encouraging independence. The INTP mother gives her children the space they need to develop independence. Although it might be easier for her to carry out a particular task herself, she can back off and let them try to do things for themselves so they will begin to master the task. She lets her children test themselves and has high aspirations for their competency, but she seldom pushes.

Calmness. The INTP mother is usually tolerant and calm, not highly critical of children's mistakes—she may see them as learning experiences! She seldom gets upset if they do something that displeases her. Her children may find her a model of patience, kindness, and fairness.

Struggles

Noise and confusion of family life. The INTP can become easily exhausted by children's non-stop chatter, constant activity, lack of self-control, and their never-ending demands for her to look, listen, and respond. She may retreat, physically and emotionally.

Routines. The INTP mother is likely to struggle when a family member needs to meet a schedule. Getting young children dressed, fed, and out the door for school on time or keeping them on task for bathing, teeth brushing, and bed times can seem like overwhelming tasks.

Singular focus. When she is focused on reading, thinking, or work, the INTP's children may feel as though they can't break through her concentration. She may worry that she seems distant and detached.

Tips

The INTP mother can benefit from setting aside regular times when she can turn inward and lose herself in reading, thought, or work. Energized by time alone to think, her "mind time" is a necessity, not a luxury. To do her best mothering, the INTP may need to get up early, stay up late, or use children's nap time to read, daydream, or gaze out the window in thought.

Believing she is different from other mothers, the INTP may feel uncomfortable if she compares herself to more traditional mothers. If she can learn to trust in her own unique strengths and enjoy her relationship with her children (rather than compare hers to other mothers'), she can boost her mothering confidence and take greater pleasure in day-to-day living.

Beware the Nurse Shark!

2010-07-07T07:00:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the July 2010 Carnival of Nursing in Public

This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Nursing in Public hosted by Dionna and Paige at NursingFreedom.org. All week, July 5-9, we will be featuring articles and posts about nursing in public ("NIP"). See the bottom of this post for more information.

As a breastfeeding mother, I have been, some would say, assertive about breastfeeding my children wherever I am. I love seeing other mothers comfortably nursing their children in public. I even had the honor of working at a preschool where mothers would breastfeed their toddlers as I was giving circle time.

But this picture, I think, takes the cake for breastfeeding in public:

This is a picture I took of a woman breastfeeding her infant dressed in a shark bunting costume while trick-or-treating at a shopping center in Seattle.

Get it?

Nurse Shark?

I couldn't help but think it was awesome. The woman (I wish she was my friend) gave me permission to take her picture and probably was thinking, "Who is this crazy woman who thinks this is so cool?"

That would be me and probably a few thousand mamas who are passionate about a mother's and baby's right to continue their breastfeeding relationship in public. Its for this reason that I'm participating in Code Name: Mama's and Baby Dust Diaries Nursing in Public Blog Carnival.

Welcome to the Carnival of Nursing in Public

Please join us all week, July 5-9, as we celebrate and support breastfeeding mothers. And visit NursingFreedom.org any time to connect with other breastfeeding supporters, learn more about your legal right to nurse in public, and read (and contribute!) articles about breastfeeding and N.I.P.

Do you support breastfeeding in public? Grab this badge for your blog or website to show your support and encourage others to educate themselves about the benefits of breastfeeding and the rights of breastfeeding mothers and children.

This post is just one of many being featured as part of the Carnival of Nursing in Public. Please visit our other writers each day of the Carnival. Click on the links below to see each day’s posts - new articles will be posted on the following days:

July 5 - Making Breastfeeding the Norm: Creating a Culture of Breastfeeding in a Hyper-Sexualized World

July 6 – Supporting Breastfeeding Mothers: the New, the Experienced, and the Mothers of More Than One Nursing Child

July 7 – Creating a Supportive Network: Your Stories and Celebrations of N.I.P.

July 8 – Breastfeeding: International and Religious Perspectives

July 9 – Your Legal Right to Nurse in Public, and How to Respond to Anyone Who Questions It

Responses to Survey on Unnecessary Medical Treatment

2010-06-21T10:14:00.000-07:00

The Safe Patient Project is soliciting stories of medical overtreatment and medically unnecessary treatment. The Consumer Union asks:

Have you or a loved one had tests, surgeries, procedures or medications that you thought were unnecessary? If so, we would like to hear your story. We'd also like to know if you declined tests or treatments offered to you that you thought were unnecessary and found a medically appropriate alternative. Thanks for taking the time to do this. Your personal experience can really help us stop unnecessary and inappropriate medical care in the future, and improve the quality of care for patients.

One of the the areas in which medical overtreatment is done most is in maternity care. Its a multi-billion dollar business where each delivery costs almost triple than it otherwise could. There is evidence to suggest that childbirth in a hospital after a low-risk is overtreatment. Midwives are able to safely assist women in birthing their babies in their homes in the vast majority of pregnancies at the fraction of the cost. Choosing to birth without a medical attendant is also a valid option given preparation, planning and access to emergency services.

If you, one of my readers, have a story to tell about unnecessary medical treatment during your child's pregnancy, labor and birth, the Consumer's Union Safe Patient Project is giving you the opportunity to tell about your experiences. If your experiences were traumatic reporting on it may be triggering. There is a chance that your story will make a difference in maternity care and you'll face better and more appropriate treatment the next time you have a baby. You may also be making maternity care better for other mothers and their babies. The URL for the survey is: http://cu.convio.net/site/PageServer?pagename=spp_unnecessary_care

The following is the story I told. I'm including my responses to the question. I tried to explain as clearly as I could that I feel like the admission to the hospital in early labor was medical overtreatment. I recognize that in the big picture and in comparison to other birth experiences I may have had, its a small thing. But as I learned, it can and did have strong consequences.

1. Question - What type of medical overtreatment did you experience?

Answered: Other

2. Question - In what kind of facility did the event occur?

Answered: Hospital

3. Question - Describe your medical overtreatment experience in your own words (the space below allows you to include as much detail as you like):

I was admitted to the hospital in early labor (38 weeks pregnant) where the midwives proceeded to attempt a induction. This strategy is sometimes called a "backdoor induction" because it misleads the pregnant patient into believing that her labor is more progressed than reality and that a hospital admission is warranted. In response to this question, I'm considering the hospital admission medical overtreatment. There was no need to be admitted to the hospital at that time. The result of the admission was stress in response to the coercion used by the midwife on duty who attempted to get me to consent to an induction that was unnecessary. I felt bullied, manipulated and scared for my health and my unborn baby. I experienced PTSD as a result from what I feel like was fighting off a potential rape of my body.

4. Question - Did you report this incident to your state's Medical Board or other licensing agency?

Answered: Yes

5. Question - If yes, what was the Medical Board or Licensing Agency response?

Answered: None

6. Question - Your experience or that of a loved one resulted in:

Answered: minor injury or minor disabling condition

7. Additional Comments:

I explained above that I experienced PTSD as a result of overtreatment in my pregnancy. Often the psychological response is not classed as "morbidity" but considering how debilitating it was for me, I consider it a minor condition that had far reaching effects on my life. I still suffer the effects of the emotional trauma but felt recovered enough to not longer need treatment after 1 year.

8. Question - If you or your loved one experienced medical harm from overuse, how long did it take to fully recover from the incident?

Answered: More than a year

9. Question - Did the medical professional fully inform you of the risks of the procedure or treatment.

Answered: Did not provide full information about the risks

10. Question - Please describe additional information that you received about the risk or found out after the procedure from another source.

I was not informed that the risk of early admission to the hospital was increased intervention that could lead to a hasty attempt at induction which is associated with a higher likelihood of c-section, mortality for mother and baby, respiratory distress for the baby and NICU stay. If I had know that quickly, upon admission to the hospital that an induction of active labor would have been suggested, I would not have consented to being admitted.

It was later that I found out about backdoor induction from a labor and delivery nurse who blogged about it at:http://nursingbirth.com/2009/04/13/don%E2%80%99t-let-this-happen-to-you-24-part-1-of-2-jessica-jason%E2%80%99s-back-door-induction/

11. Question - Were there unanticipated costs associated with the medical procedure or treatment?

Answered: Yes (therapy, an extra day of hospitalization)

12. Question - Did your health insurance company pay for expenses associated with this care?

Answered: No (not the therapy)

13. Question - If you declined medical care you thought was unnecessary, what tests or treatments were offered to you that you declined?

Answered: Other

14. Question - Please describe why you thought the tests or treatment were unnecessary and declined them.

I declined the induction that the midwife attempted to force on me. She lied to me telling that she wanted to augment my labor. I after learned that using pitocin and breaking water before 4 cm dilation (and active labor) is a complete induction.

I also declined the morphine and sleep aids that I was offered. I felt that the midwife was attempting to coerce to me take them and that she did it with the intent of knocking me out so she wouldn't have to deal with me. When a woman is coping well with her established labor pattern and is not expressing any exhaustion or discomfort, the offer for pain relief or sleep aid is unnecessary.

15. Did you seek a second opinion?

Answered: Yes

16. Question - What did you do?

Answered: Pursued another treatment

17. Additional Information:

Because I was told that there was a good reason to be admitted to the hospital, I was very confused why I was then rudely told to leave the hospital when I declined the offered procedures and drugs. I continued laboring and progressed to active labor after being kicked out of the hospital for my lack of cooperation. I was then afraid of going back to the hospital fearing that I would be told to leave again, forced into intervention I knew to be unnecessary or that I would be lied to regarding the health and well-being of my baby.

In the hospital, I considered trying to switch providers to one of the OBs on staff and I learned that the OB supported and was going to sustain the midwife's plan for my labor. When I was told that I would not consent, the OB told me to leave.

At home I considered the options of not seeking further treatment or consulting with another hospital or maternity care provider. Because I was in labor and the baby would be born within hours, I could not bring myself to go to a different hospital and provider that I had not planned on working with. I was very fearful that if I even tried another hospital would not admit me. That left my other option of giving birth at home unattended by a medical professional or calling a homebirth midwife to attend me which I did not think a midwife would be willing to do without a prior working relationship with me. I was worried about the legal implications of birthing unassisted and thought perhaps my child could be taken away from me because of my neglect is obtaining proper medical attendance for his birth. I felt like my only option was to return to the hospital where I had been treated badly and hope for the best in spite of my fear.

Upon returning to the hospital, labor progressed easily and I birthed my baby unmedicated and without further intervention within 6 hours. By that time the midwife who had troubled me the day before was off shift and I didn't have to deal with her anymore. No further attempts to alter my labor were made though AROM was done with my consent. It was unnecessary at the time too but I did consent to it and did not feel pressured to do so.

In effect, the treatment I pursued was "the tincture of time." I knew that a first time labor could be slow to establish an active labor pattern that with the supportive emotional and physical assistance I could bear the labor as it progressed and that in time, the baby would be born without difficulty.

My story does not highlight the most egregious ethical lapses of a maternity care provider but yet, her treatment and tactics still were not right, not in line with the midwifery model of care and unfortunately indicative of the greater obstetric culture where its just fine for providers to withhold and manipulate information to hurry births along. I can only speculate on the motivations for why they do it and even with an explanation, the "care" cannot be excused. I truly hope that my story and others will have an impact on how patients are treated and that they are given the respect they deserve to make completely informed decisions.

A hole in the heart, a hole in the family

2010-06-20T16:56:00.000-07:00

A little dark haired girl is wearing purple sweatpants with matching sweatshirt. Her dad, wait that's my dad but much younger, so the little girl must be me, is holding her hand as they walk through some sliding electric doors into the dim light of a corridor with an information desk and waiting rooms off to the side.

Why would this be my first memory?

I was not quite two years old. It was September of 1986 so I was 22 months old. The only reason why I know this is because that's when my brother died. Those doors opened to the hospital where my mother learned that her 38 week gestation baby was dead and that even though labor had started, she would be birthing a stillborn. Somehow, I picked up on the emotions of my loved ones and knew something was very wrong and that memory stuck.

Later my mom told me that her loss was so great that her desire to live only remained because of me.

Growing up, the explanation for why my brother died was unclear. As a teenager, I learned that he had a heart defect that, obviously, was not compatible with life. I heard different things: he had a hole in his heart, one of his arteries was not connected correctly and his heart formed inside out.

I didn't know that when I was 10, my dad had requested the medical records as well as the autopsy report. I also didn't know that I would find those records when I was cleaning out my mother's garage this summer.

Cause of death: Complete transposition of the aorta and pulmonary arteries.

Of course, I didn't know much about what that meant so I set out to learn.

I learned this defect is most commonly called Transposition of the Great Arteries or vessels. What is means is:

Babies with TGA have two separate circuits -- one that circulates oxygen-poor (blue) blood from the body back to the body, and another that recirculates oxygen-rich (red) blood from the lungs back to the lungs. Without an additional heart defect that allows mixing of oxygen-poor (blue) and oxygen-rich (red) blood, such as an atrial or ventricular septal defect, infants with TGA will have oxygen-poor (blue) blood circulating through the body, a situation that is critical. Even with an additional defect present that allows mixing, babies with transposition of the great arteries may not have enough oxygen in the bloodstream to meet the body's demands.(1)

The first question I had after obtaining that information was how did he even live as long as he did. This diagram illustrates how there is some mixing of blood in the atria (upper segments of the heart).

I also learned that in most cases TGA is not determined until after the baby is born and they are blue and floppy without pinking up over time and with treatment. This was a surprise to me because here I am learning that most babies survive birth with this condition and my brother did not.

It can be corrected early with surgery and most babies with the condition survive and unfortunately our family didn't get that opportunity. I perhaps more so than other young children have felt his loss because with his death I became and remained an only child. I often felt the hole in our family from not having a sibling and knowing that we came so close and suffered such a devastating loss that made it so.

I've also wondered if my parents could have known prenatally that the baby had a defect that was life threatening. My mom had told me after I became a mother that she had not had an ultrasound with my brother's pregnancy because it hadn't seemed warranted. In 1986, it hadn't yet become standard practice to conduct the 20 week anatomy check.

Could a routine mid-pregnancy ultrasound have caught it?

This question of routine ultrasound is still be discussed hotly in the scientific literature, as well as among expectant parents. Each couple or mother has to come to that decision for her/themselves and it will often be based on the values and perception of risk for the individuals.

My mom given her knowledge at the time decided to avoid a sonogram during that pregnancy, and none of the doctors pushed for it. Its not like now where its the exception to forgo the 20 week anatomy scan. Its within a family rights to choose one or the other. I've had to consider it myself and working through this experience gives me some more insights into the decision making process.

From what I've been able to learn about TGA, early ultrasound can detect it (2). A study using ultrasound to detect TGA prenatally started in 1986 and out of 68 fetuses with suspected TGA, 57 truly did (3). That's a pretty good detection rate. And according to the authors, mortality rates were lower when it could be anticipated before birth. They caution however that the technician must be adequately trained to detect fetal heart anomalies and the emotional upheaval of knowing ought to be weighed against nature taking its course.

I am now picturing the high-risk hell that my mother may have experienced in knowing early that my brother had this defect. Maybe it would have been discovered at 20 weeks and biweekly biophysicial profiles and non-stress tests would have been conducted to give him time to mature but then to end his gestation at the first sign of distress. If he died in utero between 32-34 weeks, that is a really early premature baby and in his case, one in acute need of open heart surgery to repair the defect.

A high chance of death anyway, a long NICU stay, recovery from a repeat c-section with a toddler at home, emotional trauma from the fear and horror of parenting a sick premie, the stress of the hospital bills--that could have been my family's alternate reality.

I've spent enough time at Solace for Mothers to know the pain, suffering and difficulty that comes from a birth experience like that. Knowing myself the trauma that comes from a negative birth experience, I can't choose which I would prefer. I know, from observation and from my own loss, the grief that comes from the loss of a stillborn baby. Would I choose that because its familiar? Because I recognize that the laws of nature are a crapshoot and sometimes babies die? That maybe facing his loss the way it happened was going to somehow be better than losing him after the trauma of a premature birth? The chance that my mother herself could have died given the increased risk of maternity mortality for cesareans over vaginal birth?

Of course, a question I've asked myself is what was the cause of the defect.

I've blogged before about the possibility that my mom's previous c-section could have contributed to my brother's stillbirth, though I have not found any evidence suggesting that a prior c-section can predict a congenital heart defect. Environmental contaminants have been named as a possible explanation (4)(5). In talking with my mother, I learned that she remembers smelling the solvents in the inks used in her workplace during her pregnancy with my brother. I already found the work of organizations like Environmental Working Group and Pesticide Action Network compelling but this further adds to my awareness of the effects of environmental contaminants. Not only do I find their ubiquity insidious but I am angered at the cover-ups employed to deny the facts and the lack of regulation and ethics that have caused so much damage already that the public is only beginning to learn about now.

I have to remind myself though, "Most of the time this heart defect occurs sporadically (by chance), with no clear reason for its development" (6).

And of course, nothing changes the reality. My mother continues to cling to me for her hope and happiness and I'm learning what being a sibling is like through watching my children. Comfort is found in the plan of salvation as taught by the LDS Church that my brother belongs to our family for eternity and that I will have the opportunity to know him in the next life. I already sense that my father, upon his death, was welcomed to the spirit world by his son.

(1) Children's Hospital Boston "Transposition of the Great Arteries"
(2) Role of Ultrasonography in Early Gestation in the Diagnosis of Congenital Heart... Abu-Rustum et al. J Ultrasound Med.2010; 29: 817-821
(3) Detection of Transposition of the Great Arteries in Fetuses
Reduces Neonatal Morbidity and Mortality in the journal Circulation 1999;99;916-918
(4) Having Faith: An Ecologist's Journey to Motherhood by Sandra Steingraber
(5) The Body Toxic by Nena Baker
(6) Children's Hospital Boston "Transposition of the Great Arteries"

Before you were formed in my belly, I knew thee

2010-06-19T22:53:00.000-07:00

This was originally published as a response to a question asking about pre-birth experiences of knowing and sensing a child within a mother's body. I was reminded by the verse in Jeremiah "Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee."(Jeremiah 1:5). And its just fitting to think about this on the eve of Father's Day.

A couple of months before my oldest was conceived, I had this strong impression that the time was right to start the process of welcoming a baby into our family. I picked up a copy of Hypnobirthing because I had known for years that I was going to learn the technique for my preparation for birth. I prayed to know if it was right to try to conceive and felt it was.

It was not our plan at all however to try to get pregnant at that time. We had wanted to wait until we moved to our new city (just a few months away) and my husband got settled in his first year of graduate school before even attempting. Because of this, my husband was very resistant to my impression and when he prayed about it did not feel the same as I had.

Then he was surprised when I learned I was pregnant a couple of months later. For me, even though the news was unexpected, I wasn't really surprised because I had already been told that a baby was ready to come to us. Its this story that merits a complicated answer to the question, "was this a planned pregnancy?"

There was magic around us when he was conceived, and a power greater than the two of us lead us forward. We felt drawn to each other in that time and place and under those circumstances. It wasn't likely that I was fertile at the time and yet it happened, in joy and ecstasy.

As soon as I was pregnant, I knew it was a boy so I was not surprised to find out I was right. Even years before, I had had dreams of breastfeeding a baby boy. It had felt so real that as a teenage girl, I was shaken by the seeming realism. Before pregnancy, I had felt for a couple of years that my first baby would be a boy. We knew very early in our marriage that he would be given my husband's middle name.

And so it was. He is now a vibrant, strong-willed, precocious three year old little boy. He has given my life a passion, direction and drive that it was missing before and laughter everyday. Without my little boy and the experiences of his birth, I would not have become the ferocious mama I am today working for the protection of mother's and babies rights in our country. He has been teaching me balance as well as through his pregnancy, infancy and toddlerhood, I started and completed a master's degree, helped create a national then international non-profit organization and assisted the forward progress of a national service for expecting families.

A song that I feel characterizes the connection I felt with my little boy before his birth and how his being transformed my life is from the Shrek soundtrack, "It is You I Have Loved."

As a newborn, I rocked him in my arms and sang the lyrics to him and felt that the hole that had been missing in my life had been filled.

Do Birth Workers Know What Women are Reading?

2010-06-19T14:29:00.000-07:00

Rixa at Stand and Deliver blogged recently about how obstetricians come to their beliefs about homebirth which reminded me of a question I asked myself a few months back.

Do obstetricians and L&D nurses know what women are reading about birth?

And, if they did, how would that change their practice?

Beyond the texts recommended by obstetricians and What to Expect When You're Expecting, it appears to me that many women planning hospital births are reading information on natural childbirth with books like:

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth
The Birth Partner
Hypnobirthing
A Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth
Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering
My Best Birth
The Birth Book
Birthing From Within
Spiritual Midwifery

A common thread of these books is arguments against using obstetric intervention through replacing interventions with simple strategies employed by the mother and her support people. Most of these strategies require advance preparation and knowledge regarding them though gaining this knowledge really doesn't take much time. Simply reading about it in a book, or even a website makes one qualified to change positions or to breathe deeply or soften one's jaw. It even qualifies someone present to suggest it to a laboring woman.

Now this is where I think this plays into Rixa's discussion. I'm going to theorize that one reason hospital birth workers are not supportive of homebirth (in addition the other reasons suggested by Rixa and her readers) is that homebirth is the epitome of natural birth where it becomes clear how very little knowledge and expertise is needed (except for when it is). This idea would feel like a threat to their livelihood, their career choice and might breed just a little bit of resentment towards other professionals who have not slaved through the initiation rite of medical school and residency to end up doing very similar work.

Doctors might shy away from asking themselves the question: "If birth were simple and reading a few books qualified a person to attend births, then what was the point of all that education? It can't possibly be as easy as these books say it is."

And then, as I continue on this pretend inner-monologue, perhaps hospital workers then would get frustrated with their female patients: "How could they possibly think they know enough and think that reading some silly books are going to qualify them?"

But, now I'm dreaming, what would happen if hospital birth workers read these books with an open mind? Would they be compelled to try some of these strategies or to suggest them during a woman's labor?

Are these books written compellingly enough to convince an obstetrician that maybe hands and knees for pushing is worth the try?

Or--now I'm really dreaming--what if these books became required reading for OB residents and L&D nursing students? Just so they knew what "fluff" pregnant women are filling their minds with as they prepare for birth. Perhaps, the assignment could be given with the intent to debunk the misinformation and to encourage doctors to reflect and prepare for how they will respond when women present these ideas in prenatal appointment.

And, if the less academic, popular press reading is too unpalatable for our esteemed birth workers, perhaps the expose of childbirth in America written by journalist Jennifer Block "Pushed: The Painful Truth About Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care" could be recommended first as it provides thoughtful insights into each side of the topic.

In any degree, from a pregnant woman's perspective, this would be more beneficial from dismissing them all together or pretending like they don't exist. Not recognizing their influence creates a vacuum of information, a empty divide where patient and doctor are trying to yell across but the message keeps getting lost.

However, I would hazard to guess that, if hospital birth workers could open their minds a little bit, many of them could recognize the value of the information and see how the paradigm fits together to make the idea of homebirth and non-interventive, unmedicated birth plausible and attainable in relation to relative risk and safety.

Or at least perhaps, we could stop talking past each and be on the same page.

How Suckling at the Breast Works

2010-05-18T12:21:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered how once a baby puts its mother's nipple in his/her mouth, how the baby gets the milk out?

This video shows how it works:

The vacuum concept makes more sense to me based on what I know it feels like. I had originally been taught that it was baby's tongue massaging the areola to bring milk out but from the sensation, that's not what it felt like.

My husband's tribute for Mother's Day

2010-05-12T22:58:00.000-07:00

My husband shared this with me for Mother's Day as a tribute for my role as mother to our children. I love it! And so will you...

To see the full view, click on the title and it will take you to Youtube.

Perhaps a blogging hiatus

2010-05-01T23:29:00.000-07:00

On April 10, my mother woke up and found she could not move her left arm or left leg. It took a few days for it to be called a stroke definitively, but it was treated accordingly all along in case that is what had occurred. I spent close to two weeks waiting to hear what was going to happen next and making arrangements from afar. As she lingered in the hospital with no transfer in sight, I traveled to be with her to get a better sense of the situation. It was not my intention to stay for very long, but after I assessed what her real needs were, I felt that she didn't need much help that I couldn't give to her at home.

Conventionally, given her situation, she would have gone to a skilled nursing rehabilitation facility where nurses and nurses assistants would care for her daily needs and get her to physical therapy. That's really expensive care that I knew, given my background in providing at home caregiving, that I could do just as well, if not better. And what better occupational therapy is there than actually doing the tasks that would be required of her at home?

I decided that I could stay with her. Mainly the help she needs from me is getting out of bed and into her wheelchair and then into the car, shower, toilet, etc. Pretty much everything else she can do with a minimum of assistance. In fact, today she washed dishes, changed the sheets on her bed, started laundry, paid bills online, and played Wii tennis and bowling.

My values played into the decision to put my life on hold and care for my mom. As evidenced by Belle's birth, I take personal responsibility very seriously and do not typically outsource care to professionals that I can be capable of providing to myself or my family. Its also been a very intuitive process is knowing how to help my mom in this difficult situation. Each step of the way, I felt what I call the Spirit confirming my thoughts and plans. I also have considered throughout my life that traditionally it was a sign of respect and gratitude to care for elder parents when their health began to fail. Though, this is coming at an age where I'm much younger than I would have expected (25, with two small children).

On May 4, I brought her home. We've been adjusting since then and today has been the best day yet. It was rocky on day 3 and 4 but after some frank discussion, we better understand what is expected of both of us.

Its a blessing that as a stay at home mother, I have the ability to move and add to my "work." Both children are with me, though my husband has had to stay in school two states away. If I employed, I would not be able to drop everything and then at the last minute decide on my originally intended 5 day trip to extend it to 2 months. The hope is that by July, my mom will have made significant recovery with physical therapy that she will be able to either walk, or be able to support enough of her weight to transfer herself in and out of bed.

The baby is struggling with my added responsibility and just wants to be held all the time. She'll follow me around the house screaming waiting for me to pick her up. The answer to that: babywearing. Belle goes in the Ergo on my back and I continue with what needs to be done.

Willem is my rescuer and comfort. Because he's a playful three year old, he makes me stop every once and a while and just play with him. A wrestle on the floor or on the grass, a hug and cuddle, some catch or frisbee or baseball or building with blocks, or reading a story. And the rest of the time, he is getting to explore and play and develop his own inner world. When I am feeling overwhelmed or discouraged, I can ask him for a hug and I can't help but feel better. His hugs are exactly what I need. He is at an age where I'm not struggling to care for him. He also entertains and plays with Belle (when she's not too busy hassling me).

In a way, I'm glad to have this time with my mother. Usually when we visit, she is working all day and then very tired by the time she gets home, so we struggle to enjoy our time with her. Now she's home all day with us and we can interact and spend time with her. I hope that in the next week we can start going out on walks in the afternoon.

Because its not easy to be constantly needed by someone, I am being very careful to maintain my evening a week rule. I do it at home with my husband as well where at least one day a week, arrangements are made where I can get out of the house and do something for me. Last night, a friend and I went to a movie while her mother babysat. It was exactly what I need. Next week, I'm planning a 1 hour massage. I'm also back to my nocturnal habits (staying up until 2) for computer time and catching up on my favorite shows. Fish oil and Vitamin D and good food are keeping my mood elevated.

All that to say that things are going much better than I would have expected (in general) and that my blog will probably be much quieter in the coming weeks.

I did recently create a facebook fan page for my blog where I post links and status updates. Those don't take as much time as preparing posts so I feel good about maintaining my connection with blogging and birth and family advocacy. I'll certainly be able to keep up there.

Birth Trauma Round Up

2010-04-25T01:14:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to get around to this for awhile. Each day when I read news articles and blogs, I'll bookmark it if its something I want to come back to or if I have something to say about it, or agree its important and needs to be said again and again until the right people listen. Generally, the articles that stand out to me are on the topic of birth trauma. So here is an anthology of birth trauma related articles over the past few months. On analogies: Keyboard Revolutionary: An Interesting Parallel

So what does it mean when another wielder of authority says, "Do what I say or your baby will die"? Are they looking out for your best interest....or are they a bully, a rapist, an abuser, deliberately playing on your unignorable instinct to protect the ones you love in order to get what they want from you?

And when its seen like this, how obvious is it that a mother can come away from her birth experience with PTSD?

Raising My Boychick: Just Like Athletics: Exploring a Childbirth Analogy

Rather than coerce with stick or carrot, what we do in athletics (again, thinking especially of charity racing; a particularly apt comparison to birth as it is physical effort that benefits another) is cheer, support, encourage, commiserate. No one stands at the sidelines of a charity marathon yelling “give up! it’s not worth it! stop trying to be a martyr! you’re not going to win a medal!” Nobody whispers in their ear when they’re doubting, “take these drugs [that will actually make running harder], let us drive you to the finish [we'll tie you behind the car], finish in five minutes or we’ll whisk you away for surgery [for a torn ligament you don't actually have].” No one tells an athlete she can only have a “trial” of running if she has no food or drink, if she’s hooked up to machines that purport to measure how hard her muscles are working, that take her blood pressure and heart rate and temperature and send it all to the medics’ station and meanwhile are hindering her movement and reminding her she’s on a clock and she’s not running fast enough (or running too fast and they’ll “have to” stop her “for her own good”.

The analogy works well. What would happen if hospital birth attendants had this analogy called to their attention? It seems so simple, yet a strong paradigm shift is engendered in it.

On feminist activism:

Courtroom Mama: Feminism Behind the Veil

[How many women] suddenly realized that grown-ass people in a medical office were calling them “mommy” and telling them what to do as though they themselves were children. And the fact is, for a number of women of relative privilege (cis-gendered, heterosexual, middle-class, etc.), the journey into motherhood might very well be the first point of friction with patriarchy. Many of us lucky enough to not feel the weight of oppression can manage to skate by with just our carryon baggage, but add a pregnancy or a child to the mix, and suddenly you’re “actually” a woman, or rather “just” a woman.

Fertile Feminism: Mainstream Feminism and Motherhood

That’s why I’m so pleased to have discovered all the feminist mother blogs that have been springing up recently, and why I want to work with feminist mothers to help bring your voices and battles and mainstream feminism together. It’s been all too easy for childless feminists to ignore motherhood, and it really, really shouldn’t be. We need to listen, learn and become allies to mothers by not only centring your voices but using our own to advocate for mothers everywhere.

The previous two articles both discuss how stereotypical feminists (or rather the dominant cultural idea of feminism) doesn't understand the issues facing mothers in dealing with injustice in maternity care. It now appears that some "majority" feminists are becoming aware of what us feminists in the minority are facing. Like Courtroom Mama, my first run-in with patriarchy may very well have been in my first birth experience and it certainly played a large part in coming to self-identify as feminist. I too felt, before birth trauma, that feminist history afforded me a "post-feminist" spot in my world.

On cruelty:

Henci Goer: Still Cruel Maternity Wards

We have a culture of impunity in maternity wards. Once pregnant, a woman effectively cedes her right to autonomy and bodily integrity to obstetric staff who sometimes—on grounds of fetal welfare, self-protection from malpractice suits, or mere convenience—manipulate women into compliance in ways that would be considered fraud in any other venue. Without fear of being called to account for it, they can bully, coerce, humiliate, and threaten. And, yes, they can physically mistreat or even sexually assault them

It is this that needs to be exposed. In her article, Henci links to recent news stories that highlight some of these abuses. Its starting to be uncovered but it still seems to far-fetched so far from the norm, but then what is normal seems irrelevant because of its normalcy. It seems the media has not just captured the sameness of these outrageous cases with the outrageousness of the "normal" cases. The whole history of hospital birthing has been this way and its just sick.

The Unnecesarean: Women Have Right to Complain about Mistreatment During Birth

I really believe that someday, our daughters or granddaughters will be amazed that any woman was ever arrested for refusing a c/section, or operated on against her will, or prevented from moving or eating or making noise while she labored to birth her baby. They’ll regard much of what is still considered normal today as cruel, and uninformed, and backwards. And they’ll be right. But only if we keep refusing to be silenced.

It exactly this that I could not and would not believe before I contemplated becoming mother. It seemed so blatantly wrong that it seemed impossible that it could be indicative of systematic injustice. It really did feel like just being pregnant and giving birth that I was going into a dark and dirty underground system. ACOG has been labeled a cartel and for good reason.

Amy Romano @ Science and Sensibility: Patient safety, disciplinary action, and the marginalization of midwives

But whether disciplinary action is against midwives or physicians, is punishment the best way to deal with breaches in patient safety?

When this question is posed to someone who has experienced birth rape, the answer is: They have to held accountable somehow. If its not through a hefty check from their administrators, then it needs to be some censuring from their superiors. If not that, then it needs to be criminal charges. When a woman is feeling like her OB or midwife is entering her body with the same force and skillful manipulation of a rapist, yes, the provider must be held accountable. RH REality Check: The Cure for An Ailing Maternity Care System

The idea that maternity care should be evidence-based, safe, and efficient seems like a no-brainer but one key goal to note is how these imperatives lay the groundwork to minimize “overuse, underuse, and misuse of care practices and services.” We need to make sure we’re providing optimal care to all women by guaranteeing women are able to access the services they need if they need them. However (this is a big one), let’s also start from a place of understanding that pregnancy is a healthy state of being – not an inherently sick state – and so let’s also minimize the amount of unnecessary interventions that now drive up costs and place women and newborns at risk for poorer health outcomes.

It must be said: the "overuse, underuse and misuse of care practices and services" are causing trauma to new mothers, rendering it exponentially more difficult to care for their babies in their early years. Its not yet known what sort of long term effects can be had from a traumatized mother in early life, but there are studies that show that children of depressed mothers are more likely to experience depression, children whose parents experienced PTSD are more likely to experience PTSD after a potentially traumatic event. Are our children being hardwired to face life's challenges with disorder? Its not just about health care costs, its about a mother's sense of confidence in her ability to care for her children. Its about the baby's sense of being cared for and loved. Michel Odent equates these early unnecessary challenges to a threat to humankind. He even poses the question "Can humanity survive?"

Its starting to sound pretty melodramatic and that's exactly what I would have labelled it before my experience, and before I learned that I was not alone. I find its a coping mechanism to write in this manner and that I cannot be objective and unemotional when I read the stories of birth trauma at Solace for Mothers and the MDC birth trauma board. Some of it seems so fundamentally, viscerally wrong that I struggle to articulate how and why it is so wrong. So instead, I try, though my blog to illustrate, highlight and show case examples so it can become clear to others without my feeble attempts to spell it out.

Healthy Home Checklist

2010-04-12T12:27:00.000-07:00

Environmental Working Group has put together a checklist for removing from our homes environmental contaminants such as BPA to flame retardants, mercury to phthalates.

For a preview, the checklist for the kitchen looks like this:
It then has sections for Bathroom, Laundry and Cleaning Closet, and All Around the House.

Like all things, its a process to undertake to get known contaminants that pose mounting threats to our long-term health and well-being. Its daunting and can contribute to panic and fear. I have to remind myself that a little at a time is going to have to be good enough. One area at a time, one thing at a time. Little by little, I'll get to where I want to be. I remind myself that a few months ago, I didn't know about all these hidden dangers. If I could be content in my ignorance, I can be Zen in my awareness.

To learn more about why these efforts matter, visit the Environmental Working Group's website or, I recommend, Having Faith: An Ecologist Guide to Motherhood which chronicles, in a flowing narrative, the presence and effects of biocontamiiants on the most vulnerable in our worlds: our babies.

Vitriol Over Breastfeeding Research

2010-04-06T11:39:00.000-07:00

The recent study from the Journal Pediatrics is getting a lot of coverage. In response there have also been a lot of public comment on it. Feminist Breeder summarizes the vitriol that is being expressed in response to it.

Most breastfeeding advocates, and moms who don't advocate but breastfeed happily or even ever comment on the good side of breastfeeding has heard the defensiveness that is sparked immediately from a mother who has used formula with her baby for whatever reason. (Can you tell that I have?)

A friend recently described what this is like to be on the receiving end of the defensiveness, and since she captured it so well, I'll link to her it (hope you don't mind Aimee!). Though she was talking about fertility, its very similar to discussions regarding breastfeeding and formula usage.

When speaking about breastfeeding or giving encouragement or advice to help someone continue breastfeeding, it is not condemning those who do not, yet it it stating what is factual: breastfeeding is better. Its the norm. It is right in the vast majority of circumstances. Stating fact is not a reflection on a person. Defensiveness is not necessary. There is compassion for those who struggle or regret or do not regret and feel comfort in knowing it was the right decision for their family, or who have "the serenity to accept the things [they] cannot change."

For whatever reason that is faced that leads a mother to supplement or to turn entirely to formula, the fact does not change that breastfeeding would be better. Its not said to make anyone feel guilty. Like a quote shared by a friend, "Ideals are stars to be guided by not sticks to beat ourselves with."

When breastfeeders are saying these facts, we are not disrespecting you. We are not dismissing your experiences. To quote Aimee from above:

I just ask for the same respect. I invite you to share with me your struggles and feelings about trials you have to endure. We can build understanding even through our differing challenges and being dismissive of each other's circumstances will only erect barriers between us.

But beyond all that, there is more to the issue. For many women it is not about choices, but its about making the best out of the circumstances they are faced with. On the Feminist Breeder's post, I responded in support of Shannon Drury, a member of the Mothers & Caregivers Rights’ Committee of National NOW, who said this:

They pretended to care about why more women don’t breastfeed, but they never mentioned the totally [expletive removed] obvious: THIS COUNTRY LACKS THE POLITICAL WILL TO ENACT FEDERALLY MANDATED MATERNITY LEAVE. Forget pumping stations. Forget “some women just can’t,” which as you pointed out is crap. GET ON THE STREETS AND DEMAND MATERNITY LEAVE FOR EVERYONE. Everyone. Everyone. Everyone.

I added to her comments by saying, what I discovered when studying family policy in my master's program. I'm sharing here what I posted there highlighting the policies I feel are necessary to provide the level of social support needed to acheive a 90% exclusive to 6 months breastfeeding rate:

"Beyond choice, and physical difficulties is the need for public policies that are designed to respect a woman’s ability to breastfeed and care for her baby exclusively. Paid, extended maternity leave is necessary to establish the breastfeeding relationship. At home subsidies for stay a home mothers would also be appropriate here (Sweden is essentially doing this for up to 1 year). After that requiring employers to allow mothers to pump milk at work and NOT making them clock out to do so, providing on site childcare, and flextime/telecommuting options are important steps in maintaining the breastfeeding relationship beyond 6 months. Insurance paid for lactation consultants, public health campaigns on the ease of increasing milk supply via oatmeal and herbal tea, expanding the WIC give-aways of breastpumps are all ways to assist mothers in having success breastfeeding.

I’m sick of the partisan politics that maintain that parents are expected to “pull themselves up by their boot straps” and “do the best they can with what they’ve been given” and “suck it up.” That does not a healthy nation make. Charity, benevolence, compassion and kindness need a more central part in our public discourse."

Two weeks of Facebook updates

2010-04-06T00:33:00.000-07:00

March 15:
* successfully replicated Mimi's corn chowder without a recipe! Peter is so proud, especially since he didn't think he liked corn chowder.

March 16:
* Willem has decided that he wants to let his pink eye "heal on its own and not use medicine" instead of letting me put the antibiotic drops in his eyes. The drawback is that he will not be attending preschool until it resolves. Its a valid choice and one that I believe he is capable of making for himself, but I'm very surprised that he's sticking to it.

* couldn't go back to sleep after the baby woke because my mind is busy brainstorming areas of life that LDS women might be interested in advocating for. I know better than to wait when I have time to write my ideas; I'm writing them now so I don't forget.

* I was hoping to go back to sleep when I got home from yoga, but there's an awake baby...

March 17 (I hope you had a festive St. Patrick's Day!)
* is celebrating St. Patrick's Day with corned beef and cabbage and ceili dancing tonight! But before, I'm speaking live video streaming about The Birth Survey on Bellies To Booties Web TV at 2 pm Pacific.

March 18:
* thinks I had a cool, but not so good idea: use the pattern for my Ren dress to make a temple dress. White brocade skirt and vest over a white chemise, with white braided cording...March 19:

* laughed and laughed when I heard Willem say to Belle, "Leave my train station alone, you naughty kitten!"

March 20:
* won an ERGObaby organic baby carrier today, with backpack and front pack at the Healthy Kids and Green Parenting Fair!! I'm so excited!!!

March 21:
* totally scored a rain water collection barrel today because If there's a Water Shortage, Why Isn't Anybody Collecting Rain? Thanks to my neighbor for enabling me!

March 22:
* 's joy at health care reform is tempered by all the revisions that will be needed over time. Its a start, which is a relief, but there will be much more fighting. I'm kind of exhausted at the prospect.

March 24:
* wants some energy back. How about a nap today children?

* thinks its a travesty to pipe fake buttercream frosting on to a delicious cheesecake.

* if there's such a thing as cabbage chowder, I made it tonight. And then put it in a breadbowl.

March 26:

* is struggling to write my personal experiences into an article on childbirth.

*is listening to Peter tell me about travel warnings throughout the world and I misheard "terrorist concerns in India." I heard "terrorist insurance." Now that would a lucrative business... They would pay your ransom, extricate you from the hostage situation and pay any medical or therapy bills.

March 27:
* has a baby that WILL NOT cuddle to sleep in bed with me. She spent an hour rolling around in the dark and only settled down to sleep when I put her in her bed, covered her with a blanket and walked away. Not cool, little girl.

March 28:
* Belle climbed up on a box and now can't figure out the way down. Good for her that she's still trying.

* and the sickness goes on. Willem has a fever and has spent the day cuddled under blankets sleeping on Peter.

March 29:
* And thus begins Belle's 10th month of life outside the womb. Let the toddling commence.

* Willem just pointed to the plushie for Gonorrhea and just said "I want to see that S T B."

March 30:
* Carla Hartley is tempting me again. Her offers for enrolling in AAMI (Ancient Arts Midwifery Institute) are always so very appealing...

* First half of the day: I was pleased to find that "children are a joy and blessing" applied to the happiness in our home. Second half of the day: I had to remind myself that "children are a joy and a blessing."

March 31:
* was taken on a hike by her 10 month old. Who knew a 10 month would actually hike? The Cascade mountains are beautiful and I'm so glad that Peter was willing to take a day away from studying to spend time with the family in nature.

April 1:
* is CRANKY today. Any ideas to help a mama chill out?

April 2:
* had a reminder that trauma resurfaces unexpedectly and can suck you back into it. Given that its 2 am now, I don't think I'll be waking up in 4 hours to go to my early morning yoga class. When you see my blog post, you'll know what I'm talking about.

* loves seeing the simple joy that comes from playing with a box. Belle's new carseat came yesterday and Willem now gets what boxes are all about. We got a big package when he was Belle's age and he did not understand why we put him in the box at all. Belle gets it though because she sees her brother playing in it. They ...turned it into a slide until it became too squished for that.

April 3 (General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints):

*has been appreciating the words spoken at General Conference this morning. I especially like the promptings I've gotten from what i've heard. What did you think of the quote from Eliza R Snow that Julie Beck used?

* Me to Belle: "You are such a silly child." Willem to me: "You are just a silly mama."

April 4:
* is watching Emma: Her Story on BYU TV (internet streaming) right now. I'm excited to see it. The first few minutes are boding well.

* is making bone broth for the first time tonight. Out of the bones from the lamb rack we had for Easter dinner. We'll see how it turns out.

April 5:
* For some reason I do not understand, Willem is calling all soldiers and knights "Lamanites" today.

* Quote from Willem: "Do not kill me before you ask my permission!"

* And another "Lightning (McQueen) has blue eyes like Belle!"

Quotes from Famous People:

"Her baby constitutes for her a powerful symbol of her motherhood, her individuality, her new family, the beauty and wonder of nature, and the perfection of her own body and her procreative powers." Robbie Davis Floyd

"It is intriguing this [those born between 1935-1975 who were separated from their mothers after birth for several hours or even days] is the age group that has experienced spiralling divorce rates, increased incidence of child abuse, and greater extent of familial alienation than that seen in previous generations, and... the temptation to associate this with US birth practices is hard to resist." Wenda Trevathan

"We do not ask you to give up any good you have, but we invite you to come and get more." Joseph Smith in talking about the gospel of Jesus Christ

Links to Articles:
Obama's Out of Control Health Care Costs (my comment: Peter and I had a good conversation about this article today. "Obama's Out of Control Health Care Costs" because we can all see this happening: The federal gov't promises to pay all health care costs, and doctors then jack up their prices just because they can. Regulating health care costs is essential to health care reform.)
You Probably Are A Feminist
Top 5 Myths About Having a Homebirth
Path to Freedom: the Original Urban Homestead
Family and Home Network (a new volunteer organization I'm excited to work with)
Calling for Integrative Medicine to be Written into Health Care Reform
Women are Saving the World Now: a new advocacy organization that featured Rikki Lake for BOBB
The Onion: Increasing Number of Parents Opting to Have Children School-Homed
Woman Catches Baby During Own Cesarean Section
Fertile Feminism: Mainstream Feminism and Motherhood
Breastfeeding Saves Money and Saves Lives: Analysis Says
Citizen Commentary on Health Care Reform: Written by my husband's mission president

Links to Products (in the crunchy vein):
Selling My Fuzzi Bunz Perfect Size Stash
Baby Steals.com had a shocking deal on Ergo's on the 25th
Chemical of Concerns in Car Seats: Healthy Stuff's Ratings for 2009
Organic Cotton Mattress Toppers
The Femivore's Dilemma (article links to the book Radical Homemakers)

Links to Advocacy Opportunities:
Make Animal Abuse a Felony
Take Action: Tell the EPA to Protect Americans from Dioxin
Requesting Greater Transparency in Health Care: soliticed by Health and Human Services
Play an Online Game and Give Rice
Petition to ACOG: Increase Women's Access to VBAC
Switch to Kijiji to Protest Human Trafficking on Craigslist

What Trauma Looks Like

2010-04-05T23:54:00.000-07:00

Warning: this post will be triggering for birth trauma survivors

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

When watching this video, I was reminded of the pictures taken of me holding my babies for the first time after their births. They are starkly different. I've pondered over the differences before and now that I've seen this video, I feel like posting the photos to illustrate to others what trauma looks like.

After a traumatic birth, described as birth rape:

The joy at meeting my baby comes through (and a sense of my victory over the system's efforts to control me), but look at that far away stare showing the disconnect between me and my baby. And do you see the timidity and the reservation with which I'm holding my baby boy? And how the smile doesn't make it to my eyes?

When my son looks at pictures from his birth, this is what he is going to see. I hope he never questions because of these pictures, "Why is my mama sad? Did she want me? Does she love me? Is she mad at me because of how I was born?"

And then compare, to this:

From this, and another example from a friend's blog, I see that birth experience matters. Not to the mom's hedonistic desire for self-satisfaction, but to the baby that the mother greets. I feel my babies deserve to be greeted by a mother who feels victorious, respected, capable and empowered; not one who has been victimized, disrespected, dehumanized and demeaned.

Not Letting it Happen to You Can Lead to PTSD

2010-04-02T17:46:00.000-07:00

The blogger at Nursing Birth posted last year a series called "Don't Let This Happen to You: The Injustice in Maternity Care Series" and in one of the posts, she described a phenomenon that I had never heard about, but recognized it immediately as what was attempted on me when I was pregnant with Willem.

In my prequel, I described how at 37 weeks 6 days, contractions started at 11 pm. At 11 am the next day, I was 3 cm dilated having contractions every 6-15 minutes. The midwife at a prenatal appointment that day told me that I was in labor and should check in with Labor and Delivery to be admitted to the hospital. The midwife on call at Labor and Delivery called failed to progress and, after performing cervical exams every hour for 4 hours ,started advocating for pitocin/AROM augmentation as she called it. It was 9 pm, 3 to 3 1/2 centimeters dilated with contractions between 6-10 minutes apart.

In the prequel, I asked if this sounded like a phenomenon that you've heard of before. Do you know?

Nursing Birth taught me that this is called a backdoor induction and she defined it this way:

If a woman is 4cm dilated but is not having regular, noticeable, and painful contractions that are causing cervical change she is NOT in labor. If said woman is sent into the hospital and any interventions to stimulate contractions are started, then it is by definition considered an induction NOT an augmentation. And if said patient was not scheduled to be admitted on such day, then it is considered a backdoor induction. I knew it as soon as I read it. This is what happened to me. It is unethical and just as Nursing Birth calls it, an injustice perpetrated on a birthing woman.

Even at the time, I knew it was inappropriate for labor to be stimulated artificially and I refused. This is where my story and Nursing Birth's patient's story begins to differ. I did not go along with it with the recommendation for induction. If I had been more savvy to manipulative tactics such as this, I would have known to not trust the midwife who referred me to L&D. But then again, if I had been more savvy, I would have known that hospitals are not the appropriate place for low-risk mothers to give birth in the first place. Even then, we weren't understanding why the midwife would make the recommendation to check into the hospital obviously in early, non-progressing labor but in our excitement, we decided to trust her. To our detriment.

Because in my experience, I then learned what PTSD is like. I'm not faulting Nursing Birth for leaving the story off as she did, but I have something to add to it. If you fight the system, even if you win, which is not likely or common, you will still lose. You will lose a sense of being human, the feeling of being respected and treated like the person deserving of dignity that you are. Such dehumanization can have indelible impact on the psyche.

The converse is true, letting it happen to you, can lead to PTSD. But not knowing it is happening to you seems to be a protection. It appears to me that the mother, Jessica, in the story was unaware at the unsavory practice that she was being subjected to. So what is worse? Not knowing you've been victimized, or knowing the feeling of violation because you do know you've been victimized?

........

After I had begun to process my birth experience, I wrote an email to the referring midwife telling her the outcome from her recommendation. To my surprise, I received a conciliatory email in response.

After I learned the term backdoor induction, I was upset for a couple of days. I talked through it with my colleague from Solace for Mothers and felt better sharing the stress with someone else. Since, I've intended to blog about it, but I'm only finding myself able to do so after writing the prequel and being triggered by the previous article I wrote about.

Sharon with Solace for Mothers asked me the question, "What are you now going to do with that knowledge?" I answered that I would write a letter to the hospital saying I knew what they did and emphasize how distasteful and unethical the practice is. I have not done that yet, because I'm struggling to find the words to express how and why that is so wrong.

So, I'll ask my readers, after telling my story in a letter to the hospital and midwifery supervisor, how do I support my claim that practicing backdoor inductions is an unethical practice?

What Triggered the Prequel

2010-04-02T12:57:00.000-07:00

My post from last night, The Prequel of my Traumatic Birth Experience, was prompted by a friend posting this article on facebook. Though it is reporting a study saying that that anxiety in pregnancy can predict developmental delays in the baby once born, my attention was drawn to this paragraph:

"Contrary to old beliefs, however, research shows that ordinary day-to-day job and home stress isn't likely to cause low birth weight or other problems for most women. Traffic delays, work deadlines and other everyday hassles aren't likely to pose a threat to unborn babies, researchers say, and pregnant women who feel they are coping well tend to do just fine."

I disagree with this statement based on my experience (copied from the prequel):

When I was in week 34 of my pregnancy, I was working part-time at a preschool (9am-1:00 pm each day). I had a commute and prep time before class started so I was waking up at 7 am. I'm not a morning person (if you ever notice when most of my blog entries are posted you'll know that I'm a night owl). I was constantly tired in my pregnancy. I'd get home from work and have to take a long nap each afternoon just so I could function the next day. One day, I had to rush away from work for a prenatal appointment, but that day had already been a struggle. I was fighting nausea the whole day (strange for the third trimester) and had thrown up 3 times, once as I was getting into the car to head to the appointment. Already feeling tired and sick, I encountered unexpected traffic which was making me late to the appointment. I generally get very stressed when I am late to something so the combination of being impatient, stressed sick and tired was not boding well for that appointment. I then parked rather far away from the clinic and had to walk (more like jog since I was worried about being so late).

I also remember there was a journal article that linked maternal employment in late pregnancy to increased blood pressure. The researchers of the study being discussed in The Wall Street Journal either were unaware of this study published in American Family Physician in 2001 (Increased Blood Pressure and Working in Late Pregnancy. American Family Physician Oct 2001), not considering increased blood pressure as a "problem" for women, or had reviewed the findings of that study and disagreed with its findings.

To me, my experience leads me to support the findings of the 2001 study. Even though, I was incorrectly diagnosed with pregnancy induced hypertension at that appointment, it is true that my blood pressure was elevated from my baseline (diastolic at 88 after that stressful day, but its 60 when not pregnant, and at 70 when pregnant).

Reading the Wall Street Journal report last night brought that all back. Even at the time, my husband and I ascribed my working, the stressful commute and the brisk walk to the increase in blood pressure. I still do not understand why the midwife was not willing to accept that as a possibility. We felt it was lunacy to then think that rechecking my blood pressure later in the appointment, AFTER diagnosing me with gestational diabetes, putting my on bed rest and leading me to believe I was experiencing PIH, was going to result in a lower blood pressure reading, because I had time to "relax" during the appointment!?!

That was precisely the time when I stopped feeling like I could enjoy my pregnancy. Up until that point, I had felt very excited and happy as the birth approached. After that appointment, that happiness was clouded by the specter of the dead baby and dead mother card, as well as an induction that I knew made a cesarean more likely, which increases the chances of complications and death. All of this then caused greater confusion in my mind because at the beginning of my pregnancy, I was given a priesthood blessing by my husband and adopted father in the gospel which told me that I would give birth and go through the pregnancy without complications. Given what my husband and I knew, we believed the blessing was still true because the midwife was mistaken in her diagnosis. But how to handle a situation with a maternity care provider where our version of reality didn't mesh with hers? It all added up to a great deal of stress in our minds and just paved the way for the trauma I experienced as a result.

I often think that if the birth experience had happened in isolation of the prior stress, I wouldn't have experienced PTSD to the degree that I had. As it is, I felt there was so much manipulation and lies that I knew I wasn't safe going into labor so my stress response to what was happening in the hospital was amplified.

The Prequel: My Traumatic Birth Experience

2010-04-02T00:28:00.000-07:00

Although my birth story is often cited on my blog, I have never written out the prequel to the story. My traumatic birth didn't start in early labor, it actually started weeks before.

When I was in week 34 of my pregnancy, I was working part-time at a preschool (9am-1:00 pm each day). I had a commute and prep time before class started so I was waking up at 7 am. I'm not a morning person (if you ever notice when most of my blog entries are posted you'll know that I'm a night owl). I was constantly tired in my pregnancy. I'd get home from work and have to take a long nap each afternoon just so I could function the next day. One day, I had to rush away from work for a prenatal appointment, but that day had already been a struggle. I was fighting nausea the whole day (strange for the third trimester) and had thrown up 3 times, once as I was getting into the car to head to the appointment. Already feeling tired and sick, I encountered unexpected traffic which was making me late to the appointment. I generally get very stressed when I am late to something so the combination of being impatient, stressed sick and tired was not going well for that appointment. I then parked rather far away from the clinic and had to walk (more like jog since I was worried about being so late).

That sets the stage for what happened at the appointment. In typical technocratic style, once checked in, I was weighed, pee collected in a cup, blood pressure assessed. Would anyone like to guess what my blood pressure was after my previous hour?

168/88

The midwife comes in and goes over the results of the glucose intolerance test from the previous appointment. The values were higher than normal prompting a discussion regarding gestational diabetes.

As an aside, I knew the results were going to be skewed because I was unable to handle the glucola being the only nutrition in my body at the time. Rather than sweating it out since I felt very close to passing out, I snacked on my ever handy blood sugar stabilizing snacks I carried around with me. The good news is that I didn't pass out on the way to the lab, the bad news is the false result on the test.

It already was not a good day to hear news like that, coupled with the way the midwife said it. She seemed very unaware to my stress level and was not sensitive to how concerned I was regarding the way in which she stated it and my frustration with her for not consenting to the 3 hour fasting test as a follow-up. If I had had such a negative reaction to the 1 hour test, having eaten lunch just before that appointment, how in the world would I cope with a overnight, drink the glucola on an empty stomach after waking up even earlier than usual and then waiting 3 hours test?

So after that conversation, the midwife plunged right into, "...and your blood pressure measurement from earlier indicated that you have pregnancy induced hypertension." If you have a copy of William's Obstetrics handy, or any other prenatal care textbook nearby, you'll find that the minimum criteria for a diagnosis of PIH is a diastolic value of over 90. In the same paragraph in William's it states that some practitioners like to make the diagnosis when a woman's diastolic is elevated 15 points above her baseline, which would have been true in my case, but if one were to continue reading, one would see that William's states that is not a recommended procedure for diagnosis.

I was visibly upset by this time at the appointment and receiving no assurances, compassion or comfort from the midwife who was speaking to me. I called my husband and in tears told him what was happening. He at the time had been having a conversation with his advisor and when he heard my husband say, after looking at his phone, "Oh. Its a number from the medical center. It must be Jenne probably calling from her prenatal appointment right now," said, "That means something is wrong. Go. Now."

He ran over to the clinic (on campus) and we sat down with the midwife. My husband was surprised at how the midwife was handling the situation because based on what she was telling him, he didn't see that she was making a reasonable assessment. She counseled that I go on immediate bedrest and cut salt out of my diet entirely. Although we were not entirely trusting her judgement, we decided that bedrest was better safe than sorry. We spent the next week trying to get a better sense of the risks of PIH (by this time they had dropped the concern of GD) and we couldn't get a better sense of their concerns based on the information they had given us. We consulted with a number of the midwives and nurse's assistants on staff and we basically got, "PIH can lead to preeclampsia and preeclampsia can mean that the baby dies and the mother can stroke out and die."

We did our own homework and read up on what we were being told, and it didn't add up. I still stayed on bed rest and attended the non-stress test appointments that were scheduled twice weekly. But we knew that what was happening was not as serious as they made it out to be.

A couple of weeks later, at an appointment with another midwife in the practice, I was told, "In all my 20 years of being midwife, I've never see a woman with blood pressure like yours go into labor on her own without being induced." Not only does that say something about her practice style, it also says something about her knowledge.

Up until this point, in my prenatal care, I had tried on a number of occasions to discuss with the midwives policies relating to the birth. Each time I had been told that we would discuss it later. I had never had a satisfactory discussion about my desire to have an unmedicated birth using Hypnobirthing. The midwives did not seem interested in discussing it.

Now at this appointment where I'm being told, they'll basically pressure me into an induction whether I like it or not or whether its indicated or not, I felt like I needed to run away from that practice. But I was 35 weeks pregnant with my first baby, living in a big city that I wasn't familiar with having moved there less than 6 months before, and not very knowledgeable regarding birth options. I thought, if a midwifery practice is going to be this unpleasant to work with, how could working with an OB be any better? We considered and discussed transferring over care to the OBs in the practice, but I was scared of the medical mindset. I wanted midwifery care, but didn't know enough and felt that I didn't have even time to find out about out of hospital options.

So I stayed, like a domestic abuse victim in a violent, toxic relationship.

A friend volunteered to be my doula to help protect me from the unwanted advances of the hospital staff. Having made those arrangements, I told myself that I would hope for the best and pray that labor started on its own before the threat of induction became more real.

In week 37, after 3 weeks on bedrest, and having made it to "full-term" I asked my husband what the soonest time would be okay with his schedule as a first year graduate student for the baby to be born. He said that after Thursday Jan 25 all his tests would be done and that weekend would be an okay time.

Bedrest was, in some sense, a blessing. At the time I was enrolled in my M.Ed program and I had work to do. I spent the month of bedrest doing assignments and getting started on my thesis. It was helpful. But the drawbacks were also considerable. I felt myself getting weaker the longer I stayed inactive and immobile. I'm pretty sure the baby moved into an unfavorable position and further exacerbated the scoliosis in my spine. I started getting headaches and being dizzy, which just made the midwives want to say I told you so since those are indication of progressing preeclampsia, but its also a sign of weakness as a result of inactivity and a lack of salt in the diet. I believe these factors contributed to the long labor (38 hours) as well as the hours of back labor (17 hours worth). Add that to being a first time mom, going into labor earlier than it would have likely been otherwise at 38 weeks, its not surprising that I had a long early labor. It would have been very helpful to know of Ina May Gaskin's teachings for husbands and wives to; as she calls it, "cuddle and smooch" during labor.

We made it to that Thursday, and we decided that we would try out the strategy of starting labor via intercourse and what I've jokingly heard referred to as "prostaglandin application." And then we prayed. We prayed that labor would start and the baby would come, so that we would be protected from the providers that at this point we did not feel safe with. We then fell asleep and I was woken up 4 hours later by menstrual-like cramps coming every 15 minutes.

I let Peter sleep but I couldn't. I was so excited and so relieved that labor had started on its own. At six am, I couldn't keep my excitement to myself anymore and I woke Peter up. We talked, we were happy and we decided that it was just be stupid to go to the hospital at that point because we knew for sure that we were going to avoid going to the hospital too early. We then discussed if I should go to the scheduled non-stress test at 11 am. We decided to keep the appointment, if not to avoid the within 24 hour cancelation fee. But before, I wanted a big breakfast. So like a runner getting ready for a marathon, we went to IHOP and I throughly enjoyed my breakfast feeling exhilarated that not only had I thwarted the mid-witch, I was going to meet my baby.

At the appointment, we knew it was too early to go to the hospital, even though I had been contracting for close to 11 hours at that point (still 6-10, sometimes 15 minutes apart, easy to manage). The NST showed that I was having irregular contractions and my cervix was dilated 3 centimeters. We were surprised when the midwife at the clinic called up the Labor and Delivery and told us that we would be checking in. I thought it was still too early, but went with the recommendation.

Then we enter what I call the flight pattern period of my labor. Labor and Delivery said they were full, they could take me so I should go home. At home, I got a visit from my visiting teachers--they thought it was very strange that I was in labor and welcoming them over and how calm I was dealing with it, but it was early labor and it was easy to handle. After calling and checking with Labor and Delivery a couple of times, they were still busy. So I waited. All I wanted to do at that point was to go into my labor space and focus, turn inward--what I called at the time "holing-up." I couldn't do that at home knowing that I'd have to leave. (This is about the time that homebirth started sounding appealing but completely out of the question since it would have been completely unplanned). We went out to lunch, basically tried to distract ourselves and stay near by the house and the hospital in case we got the call saying we could come in.

At 4 pm, we were finally able to get into Labor and Delivery. No progress. Contractions still 6-10 minutes apart. Hourly vaginal examines commence. We walk the halls of the hospital. At the gift shop, we find a mini set of bowling pins with a marble to "bowl" with. We buy it in celebration of the anniversary of the day we met three years to the day before at the bowling alley in the BYU student services center. Looking back, we should have just gone to the bowling alley and bowled through early labor.

At 9pm, 1/2 centimeter progress and the midwife starts talking options. She offers 1) send me home with an Ambien to sleep, 2) give me morphine, move me to another room in the hospital (not L&D) and make sure I'm sleeping or 3) pitocin augmentation and breaking water.

Is this starting to sound like a phenomenon that you've heard of before?

As I sat on a birth bath and handle contractions as they come, we refused, refused, refused. My husband tried to talk to them but they refuse to talk with anyone other than me. We countered with, sure, its reasonable to clear the LDR room for another mother in labor, but we'd refuse the morphine and go to another room to let labor progress on its own. Its surprising how hostile the midwife was to that. The room was only offered if I accepted medicinal sedation. At the time, that felt so dehumanizing. Like I was being viewed as a dying horse that needed to be take out back and shot to be put out of its misery. Or that she wanted to make me the hospital's prisoner, but instead of using shackles, she was going to use drugs (hello, 24's use of medical torture?) An OB was called in and we were told, "You have no more options. Its time for you to leave. Get out."

As we pack up and get ready to leave, we look for a nurse, or a midwife or the receptionist at the check-in test to find out when they would like us to call back or at what point to return, and there's no one around. So we leave, feeling neglected and confused.

Go figure, that once at home, labor picks up pretty quickly and intensely. I started having a hard time finding a comfortable position. I could lay down comfortably and I had been upright for so long that my legs were tired. I started having back labor and it was difficult to support myself on the birth ball. My husband and doula tried to get some sleep. They gave up pretty quickly and then helped me into the bathtub. The water was too shallow, and not hot enough, the tub walls hard and uncomfortable. So I lay hurting, cold and shivering. I start to get frustrated and despondent. I call L&D and I'm told that I can come back in and get checked for progress but I might be turned away again. I'm gun-shy at this point and I'm too afraid to go back in, too upset with the insensitive way I was treated earlier, knowing that the same midwife would still be on the shift. I found that she was going to get off shift at 8 am, so I became determined to stick it out.

We get to the hospital at 8am and she's still there. She does the triage exam which I've blocked from my memory. All I remember from that is spots of blood on the floor of the triage room that did not belong to me.

That's a good point to stop and refer you to birth story that I wrote soon after Willem was born, and have edited slightly since then.

In the next few days, I'll post regarding some insights I've learned since experiencing this.

If I could do it all over again Part 2: Life With a Baby

2010-03-27T19:48:00.000-07:00

In Part 1, I went over all the books I wish I had read when I was preparing for childbirth, yet childbirth is not the only area of mothering that I wish I had known some of the things that I know now. During my pregnancy, I had gotten a sense of the parenting philosophy I was going to subscribe to. Unmedicated childbirth, breastfeeding, babywearing and cosleeping came naturally to me. My background in early childhood education and knowledge of brain development in infants and young children supported those practices. I was able to see through some of the dominant cultural practices of caring for babies while others I was not aware.

Having Faith: An Ecologist's Journey to Motherhood by Sandra Steingraber

As I've developed a mother, my children's environment has become an important consideration for me. Steingraber gave me my education in bioaccumulating toxic chemicals and the importance of keeping our food supply, drinking water, and household items free from toxins. In large part, this is the book that convinced me on organic foods, gardening, environmental activism and limiting the amount of plastics in my home. This books also makes a strong case for breastfeeding. If only I had know about this information before I ever got pregnant, or if only my parents and grandparents had known about it...

Baby Matters: What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Caring for Your Baby by Linda Palmer

This book emphasizes the primary importance of attachment parenting (specifically babywearing, breastfeeding and co-sleeping) and bolsters a parents' confidence in these parenting practices. Palmer addresses the opposition to these practices with convincing evidence to their benefits. She also provides compelling information on the common cultural practices to avoid like crying it out, formula, antibiotics, etc. Since I already had naturally gravitated to attachment parenting, this book gave me some evidence to cite in support of my intuitive beliefs. Its making this list because I wish I had known how to articulate the findings of this book at a time when I could only express an affinity towards the mindset.

Smart Medicine for a Healthier Child by Janet Zand, Robert Rountree, and Rachel Walton

I found this early in Willem's life so it doesn't exactly fall into the category of what I wish I had known, although I wish I had a greater working knowledge of homeopathy and herbalism in my younger years so it wasn't new to me when I became a mother. It has been a very valuable resource in helping to care for him when he's ill. It offers explanations of childhood illnesses and provides sections on conventional medicine, homeopathic medicine, herbal medicine, accupressure and comfort measures/ prevention tips for each illness. I refer it to first when either children are ill and I've really enjoyed learning about alternative medicine and what I can do at home to help my children feel better when they are sick. Evidently Willem has learned from me because he has told me that he really believes in the body's ability to heal itself because he often refuses medicine and instead like to take the wait and see approach.

Then comes the area of motherhood that doesn't involve knowledge, but requires stuff, or better known these days as baby gear. I have a list of "If I could do it all over again" with the baby stuff too.

Cloth diapers

Economical in the long run, worth the upfront cost, especially with the One Size options and bulk packages discounts available, better for babies skin, respiratory systems and the environment. In home washer and dryer recommended, however. I started out knowing I wanted to cloth diaper and bought a cloth diapering system. If only Fuzzi Bunz had been making the adjustable One Size diapers when I first became a mother. I could have saved possibly $800.

T-shirts instead of onesies (long and short sleeved)

I found I really don't like onesies for diaper changes, even though they are good for covering the low back when picking up babies. Especially with Elimination Communication, I find that a shirt that isn't held together at the crotch is quicker and easier for potty times (and diaper changes for that matter.) My babies just do not lie still long enough to snap a onesie bottom. Not only do I wish that non-onesie t-shirts were more commonly made for young babies, I wish I had known to stock up on them when I found them from the beginning.

Pants with feet

I wish I had another 4 or 5 pairs of pants with feet. I only have one pair, it was a gift and I've never seen another pair. They are great, because they keep the bottom half of the baby warm and I don't have to wrestle socks on baby's feet, or keep pulling socks up as they slip off, or keep having to replace socks after they've fallen off and gotten lost.

A hooded bunting

For newborn babies and until crawling, a hooded bunting is a cuddly, cute and easy way to keep a baby warm in cold weather. The hood is easier for me to deal with than a hat because if it falls off, its not going anywhere. I don't even know how many hats we've lost.

Moby Wrap for small babies until toddler

I found that the Moby is most supportive and versatile babywearing device for newborns. The baby can be worn cradled or upright. While many people really like ring slings, I find that the weight on one shoulder is not as comfortable over hours of babywearing as having the baby's weight equally distributed across my back, shoulders and hips. Its also very good for older babies, provides a fun way for them to face out for short periods and can be used through toddlerhood. I did discover this early on but for the sake of having a complete list of baby items, I'm adding this too.

Ergo for babies beyond newborn and for backcarrying

I mainly use this for backcarrying or when my older infant/quasi-toddler is sleeping. Its still great to wear my three year old on my back. Paired with the Moby on the front, double babywearing is possible and very comfortable.

A manual breast pump for engorgement and occasional times when separated from baby

If mom is going to be staying home to care for baby, its still useful to have a manual breast pump to express milk. Having a stockpile of milk in the freezer is comforting, and can be shared or donated to babies who are not exclusively breastfed. If mom is going to be in school, or working part-time/full-time, an electric pump is recommended. I had use of an electric pump when Willem was a baby because I was in school 40 hours a week when classes were going on with my graduate program, yet with Belle, I've only used a manual pump a handful of times. I was given a manual pump as a baby shower gift and it was a good one.

A side car crib

A side car crib is more worthwhile, in my experience, than a co-sleeper, bassinet, cradle, etc. Not only does it ensure a "cage-free baby," it can be set up when the baby is small and used until the child moves out of the family bedroom. I could have saved some money if we had put the side-car crib up instead of buying the co-sleeper.

A boppy (when learning to breastfeed)

Boppies aren't just for helping hold the baby when figuring out a proper latch for breastfeeding, they are great backrests in pregnancy, sitting supports for babies learning to sit up, nap nests for little babies, especially when they are congested. And just a fun toy for older children too. This is something I did have from the beginning and it was really worth it, especially since I got it off craigslist for cheap.

Swaddling blankets

I've learned that receiving blankets do not equal swaddling blankets and that not all babies, at all stages in their infancy like being swaddled. For both of my children, between 6-10 months, swaddling became a very important and useful of helping them get to sleep. I'm glad I figured swaddling out, but I wish I had had some good-sized and light-weight swaddling blankets from the beginning.

Car Seat

For the sake of a complete list of what is needed for a baby, a car seat needs to be on the list; however, this is one area that I haven't explored to a great extent so if I could do it all over again, I'd know more about it already and not be showing off my ignorance here. There's a chance with the next baby, I'll look into a rear-facing convertible car seat from the beginning, just for the convenience and money saving. Most importantly is knowing how to properly install the seat and position the car seat straps. Thanks to my friend Jennifer who taught me the trick of sitting on your knees in the seat to adjust the tightness against the backseat of the car.

If I could do it all over again Part 1: Preparing for Childbirth

2010-03-27T08:29:00.000-07:00

I've learned so much from becoming a mother and my blog is somewhat of a catalog of that learning. Since I posted my review of Birth as an American Rite of Passage, I've been thinking about what I know now that I wish I had known before Willem was born. So much of it comes from what I wish I had read. I have often thought that if someone had told me that I could come away from giving birth traumatized by having to fight for an unmedicated birth, I wouldn't have believed them. I would have needed to read the right books to be fully convinced. I think I've now found a reading list that would have convinced me if I were to have read them while I was pregnant the first time.

Birth as an American Rite of Passage by Robbie Davis-Floyd

This has been a very influential book for me. Framing the obstetric culture in terms of technology over nature was a very helpful framework for me to see the potential battle that birth can be between a mother and hospital workers. If I had read the book while pregnant the first time, I would have know that I was in the wholistic camp, believing that a woman's body is capable of working properly to birth a baby. Viewing birth as a rite of passage also likely would have illuminated the spiritual aspect of birth in a way might have compelled me to view the upcoming event as a spiritual event as well. The women stories in the book also very clearly describe common hospital practices that upon reading, I would have known I wanted to avoid. Homebirth was clearly shown by the mothers stories to be one of the only viable ways of really avoiding those practices.

Rediscovering Birth by Sheila Kitzinger

The strength of this book comes from the cross-cultural descriptions of birth practices, as well as covering the history of childbirth. Kitzinger places the natural process of birth as the foundation of the book and so when describing the migration from homebirth to hospital, it becomes very clear to the reader how unnecessary a hospital birth is in the majority of births while respecting their usefulness is certain situations. As a first time mother, I had had no exposure to the cultural context of hospital birth. I believe, like circumcision, if I had known the history behind the practice, I would not have been accepting to engage in it. This book also highlights the spiritual and emotional aspects of birth, which as I've said, would be very helpful for me.

Pushed: The Painful Truth About Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care by Jennifer Block

While Rediscovery Birth examines the history of the way childbirth has been handled across societies, Pushed examines the current issues confronting childbearing women in our society. Like Birth as an American Rite of Passage, I believe I would have clearly seen the incongruent care being given to childbearing women and how that can lead to avoidable harms. Block gives a sense of the whole picture that comprises all the parts of maternity care and how each part in interrelated from hospital administration to insurance companies, malpractice lawyers, midwives and law-makers. I feel that the book shows very convincing how women can be painted into a corner when it comes to making decisions for birth. As it was so extensively researched with up to date information, I believe I would have been very convinced by Block's reporting.

Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering by Sarah J. Buckley

Buckley describes the biology of childbirth and describes very well the type of environment needed to allow the process to occur most successfully. I feel that her presentation of the physiology defines why privacy, familiarity and no intervention is so important in childbirth.

From this book, I also would have learned the whys of babywearing and been introduced to the concept of elimination communication, which I may have been intrigued enough to try it as soon as Willem was born.

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin

If I could have read one book on how to cope with and prepare for the physical sensations of childbirth, this would have been it. It would have been very helpful for me to know about "the sphincter rule," the value of cuddling and "smooching" during labor, "horse lips" and maintaining a relaxed mouth and throat. The Hypnobirthing preparation I did do during my first pregnancy was helpful in learning how to relax and breathe but I feel that Ina May's Guide covers that very well, with more applicable information for the continuous motion often helpful during labor.

Also the normalcy of home and out of hospital would have been reinforced and added to how convinced I would have been to avoid the hospital.

A Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer

Not only is this book convincing for why common obstetric practices should not be routinely employed, it also works to prepare a woman who may need to have a hospital birth for whatever reason. I think through reading this book in conjunction with the others, my confidence in my knowledge of what I want to avoid would have been bolstered and I also would have been prepared to deal with the hospital if I had needed to.

If I had read all of these books relating to childbirth during my pregnancy (or before), I still would have needed to convey the information to my husband. He is more difficult to convince than I am when it comes to information that it outside of cultural norms or claims to be scientific in anyway. Like I found between my pregnancies, he did learn a great deal from the times when I stopped reading and couldn't help but tell him about the frustrating, funny, interesting fact that I had just learned. That strategy went a long way, but it did come to a point where he told me to stop talking about birth (more because it reminded him of the trauma he experienced from Willem's birth). Because of his limited time as a graduate student, I would have needed to pick one source of information on childbirth to share with him.

The Business of Being Born produced by Rikki Lake and Abby Epstein

This documentary provides a DVD format and covers all of the main points of the books I've listed. Its animation of the "technocracy's cascade of interventions" is useful in the quick way it describes the drawbacks of hospital birth. The history of hospital birth provides enough information to see just how money driven, patriarchal and unjust hospital birth's origins are.

My husband has seen the documentary and though he was convinced by the information regarding what is wrong with the hospital based maternity care system, he still was not completely convinced about a homebirth. HIs preference would be to fix the hospital system so unmedicated birth is the norm, but I think even he realizes that is not going to happen in time for births in our family. He accepted the homebirth option because he didn't see a better way, in the moment, that I was comfortable with. I think this is what is called "opting-out." Even still, I'm not sure whether he would have been convinced regarding homebirth without first witnessing the down-right abuse I experienced in the hospital giving birth to our first child.

All of the books, and the DVD, I discussed in this post are available on the amazon associates store that I posted at the bottom on my blog. There's reading list widgets for blogs or there's shopping directly from a blog, I chose the latter--saves time for the reader. That's also my explanation for why I didn't link individually to each item or post pictures, its all there, just below the post.

Anatomically Correct Baby Doll

2010-03-21T00:04:00.000-07:00

I forget how this came up but Willem decided that he wanted to get a baby doll, specifically one he could take into the bathtub with him and was a boy. When I was pregnant with Belle, he was gifted a doll and a child-sized Moby Wrap and we have had some good times with it. But this new doll was going to be different and special because it had to not have a soft fabric body. And if it was going to be a boy doll, it needed to be anatomically correct. Thus started my search for anatomically correct boy dolls.

This was what we settled on: The Paul doll from Corolle

Of course, my biggest question as I was taking it out of the box was, is the doll circumcised?

To my relief, no.

So for all the mamas and papas of intact boys, or intactivist mamas and papas of girls, you can get an intact boy doll.

But beware of mold build up inside the doll as is common in bath toys. I was disappointed to find that the joints and seams were not water-tight so I'm concerned that we'll get the nasty mold build up.

Review of Birth as an American Rite of Passage

2010-03-19T22:17:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading "Birth as an American Rite of Passage" and I found myself wishing that if I had read just one book to learn about what giving birth in an American hospital would be like, I wish this book written by medical anthropologist Robbie Davis-Floyd. Through the words of women in response to interview questions relating to their birth experience, readers get a very realistic view of what obstetric culture is like and the expected role of women birthing in hospitals. I often said that if someone had told me what giving birth in a hospital is like based on culture, medical ideology, current practices, etc., I would not have believed them because it all sounds so very irrational, paranoid, conspiracy-theorist and unethical. However, after reading "Birth as an American Rite of Passage" I think I would have been convinced through Davis-Floyd's analysis and the selected quotes from women's birth stories. She clearly describes the "technocratic model" that predominates our current culture and how it renders women as objects who malfunction who are not to be trusted and who threaten the very premise that our world can be saved by technology.

In the article I recently wrote for the Exponent, I quoted the author's definition of technocratic birthing rituals and I'll also include it here:

“The term technocracy implies use of an ideology of technological progress as a source of political power. It thus expresses not only the technological but also the hierarchical, bureaucratic and autocratic dimensions of this culturally dominant reality model—dimensions that are immediately visible in many realms of post-industrial American life.”

Davis-Floyd goes on to state:

“According to the technocratic model of birth, the human body is a machine. The medical system [which is inculcated by the technocratic culture] has done a thorough job of convincing women of their defectiveness and dangers in their specifically female functions”—pregnancy and childbirth foremost.

Through reading the book, I've also come to have a greater understanding of why women are so steeped in our culture and why non-technocratic birth is unlikely (as 98% of women in the US give birth to babies in the hospital, and only 1% birth at home). Indeed, when as I became a mother, I too felt the obligation to follow the dominant culture. If only I had know the historical underpinnings of hospital birth and read this book, I may have been able to be convinced that birthing in a hospital was not the way I wanted to welcome my child into my arms.

I was pleased to read that Davis-Floyd recognized and named trauma as a result of birth experiences; however, the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder were misidentified as mild postpartum depression. In my research on PTSD resulting from childbirth, the earliest citations I have found declaring the diagnosis of PTSD were from 1995--before the first edition of the book was published. However, I am disappointed that in the revising for the second edition, the author did not update sections on trauma to reflect the new diagnosis.

Also I felt a category of women's experiences was missing. Davis-Floyd stated that of the 100 women she interviewed for the book that women either fully accepted and embraced the technocratic model of childbirth, they rejected it entirely or they were somewhere in between. To give the benefit of the doubt, there is a chance that the reason why my missing category was not included was because none of the women in her sample would have matched it. The in-between categories included:

Women who maintained conceptual distance from the technocratic model by achieving "natural" childbirth in the hospital (15%)
Women who maintained conceptual distance from the technocratic model by placing technology at the service of the individual (10%)
Women who found conceptual fusion with the technocratic model with cognitive ease (42%)
Women who found conceptual fusion with the technocratic model during birth by experiencing cognitive distress, e.g. trauma (9%)

And now, because you are wondering what this missing category I am referring is: I feel she left out, or did not have a woman in her study matching the profile, of a women who maintained conceptual distance from the technocratic model by achieving "natural" childbirth in the hospital with cognitive distress.

For this was my experience, I was able to attain the ideal unmedicated, low-intervention birth in a hospital and the detriment of my mental health.

Perhaps it could be argued that my experience would fit into the last category of finding fusion with cognitive distress, but I did not find fusion. And if someone wants to state that I did, because I consented to AROM at 5 cm, I'm not listening...

An interesting correlation can be mentioned however, that the percentage from Davis-Floyd's study of women who experienced cognitive distress is the same commonly cited percentage rate of PTSD after childbirth--9%. Making her omission of PTSD as a sequelae of childbirth, even more disappointing.

So in conclusion, this book is a very persuasive case for birth as a initiation rite for women as they transition to motherhood and current obstetric practice as a vehicle for gaining compliance and reinforcing the dominant cultural view of technology reigns supreme. If I were to create a list of influential, informative books for future mothers, this would be near the top.

To end, a quote from the book that summarizes why birth is so exceptionally profound and important to me:

Her baby constitutes for her a powerful symbol of her motherhood, her individuality, her new family, the beauty and wonder of nature, and the perfection of her own body and her procreative powers.

New Books Make a Bad Day Better

2010-03-15T22:49:00.000-07:00

After a very frustrating start to my day dealing with insurance companies, billing and access to medical care for the kids, I was in a pretty cranky mood with two tired, hungry and sick kids. On the way home from all of that, I stopped to get mail. A package from Amazon was there for me. Inside was a shipment of books that I ordered with a $50 gift card granted by reward point on my credit card. But even better than that was the pile of books another resident had left in front of the community center hoping that another resident (like me!) would want them. Among them included copies of The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin and Marie Mongan's Hynobirthing text. Already having those on my shelf at home, I feel like I majorly scored when I saw these titles:

This one I'm excited about because it combines my passions and my interests throughout my education: couple relationships as a dyad of family structure and early care and education birth to 5. This has a special term that describes this period: transition to parenthood. Even though I'm very familiar with the term and some of the research relating to it, I had failed to previously view my current interests in terms of issues relating to transition to parenthood. Yes, the missing link in my thinking. I now have the idea in my mind that I can find potential PhD advisors through finding people who special in transition to parenthood issues. The lead author of the book, Pamela Jordan, is actually on faculty at the Univerisity of Washington. I've met her, actually, when preparing to apply to graduate school for my Master's degree. She's in, of all places, the nursing department and not currently taking students as far as I know. Not applying to the nursing PhD program has been something I've debated with myself over and over too.

This book has been highly recommended to me but I've never invested the money into buying it, and now I don't have to! I would say that I take breastfeeding for granted a bit. I haven't had many challenges in my nursing relationships with my two babies. By the time I encountered challenges, it was while nursing an older toddler and most books don't address those questions. Yet, this I know will be a good reference book to have on hand, even if it is one of the older editions.

And to go on to what I ordered and received today, 3 titles that I'm excited to add to my library:

I still haven't read this, even though arguably its the most influential midwifery text since midwifery was reinvented in America in the 1970s, by Ina May Gaskin herself! One of my favorite informing yourself about birth books is Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, which is written more for an audience of expectant mothers in mind, while Spiritual Midwifery can read a lot like a do-it yourself guide, or textbooks for midwives. As I've been ambivalent about pursing midwifery, I had put off reading it, until I picked it up and starting looking at it at Barnes and Noble while Willem and Belle played at the train table. I do wonder, though, if I will pick up much new information than what I've already learned.

Note to the workers at the U Village Barnes and Noble, great idea to move the parenting and childcare section in easy access of the train table and children's section. I am there frequently (read about 2 times a week) so having reading material handy is very nice. Next, please move Mothering Magazine to the magazine rack next to the train table.

I'm am very intrigued by Michel Odent's conclusions from his work with childbearing women over the last few decades, although I don't know much about it. I'm branching out by purchasing this to be further informed in the processes of development and its associations with nature, neurobiology and behavior (hey, that's what my husband studies!)

I'm getting this one mainly for recipes and to learn about some concepts that are new to me: lacto-fermented foods and beverages, soaking grains and eating according to cultural heritage. At the beginning of the book, there is a good introduction to what is incorrect about conventional nutrition recommendations as well as to the terms that American's are not very familiar with. However, it by no means is in depth so I'll be having to delve in further to understand these concepts. The recipes, I hope will be fun to experiment with. Especially given the liberalness of animal products promoted in it. Peter will soon be making a German speciality Grunkohl which takes using animal fat quite literally--its kale cooked in goose fat (although we could only find duck fat, we'll see how it turns out).

Since I haven't finished reading the last books I got from an Amazon gift card (Birth as an American Rite of Passage by Robbie Davis Floyd and Obstetric Myths vs Research Realities), I'll have reading material for awhile!

When behind on blogging, post facebook updates!

2010-03-14T18:08:00.001-07:00

I've been quiet here on the blog, so since the last time I posted from my Facebook wall, here are the happenings.

March 1:
*Willem: What is that? Peter: That is Uranus. Willem: My anus?

*Not only do we have a stairclimber, but Belle climbed all the way up the stairs, crawled to the bathroom and stood up in front of the potty. When I picked her up and put her on the toilet, she peed! I call that taking herself to the bathroom. :-D

March 5:
*quilt top finished: nope, accepted into Public Health program: nope. I'm going to quit while I'm ahead, read some scriptures and go to sleep.

March 7:
*My favorite breastfeeding picture. Willem was 3 weeks old in this picture.

March 8:
*I'm glad I remembered before bed that I have yoga in the morning. 7 am, yikes!

March 9:
*What to do when you have the intense inclination to start dancing as you walk down the street?

*two abnormally tired children probably means that another illness is around the corner.

*is ready to start sewing! New temple dress or Ren Faire dress first?

March 10:
*put my baby girl to sleep tonight wrapped in the blanket from Tia Dominique Its done! I'll post pictures soon.

March 12:
*hates the word anestitized. Really did I just spell that right on the first attempt!? Its been illuding me all day. (nope!)

March 13:
*got invited to submit a 1,000 word article to The Exponent, a literary magazine for Mormon Women. The bad news? The deadline is Monday.

March 14:
*is now preparing the powerpoint presentation for Bellies To Booties Web TV show about The Birth Survey, going live at 2 pm PDT Wednesday March 17.

*is dealing with the worst (and first I've seen IRL) case of pink-eye. Poor Willem Alderks!

Events:
Mothers International Lactation Campaign M.I.L.C.
Location:your Facebook profile page, this is a VIRTUAL event
Time:12:00AM Monday, March 8th

Healthy Kids and Green Parenting Fair
sponsored by the Tacoma-Pierce County Health Department
Time:10:00AM Saturday, March 20th
Location:South Park Community Center

Links:
Crime Over Split Milk (shared by Aimee's husband)
Amnesty International is making that case that violations of women's rights and discrimination against women are leading to avoidable maternal deaths in the time around childbirth.
Sarah Shahi: How I Handled My Home Birth – Celebrity Baby Blog – People.com (Love this quote: “I had a home birth because I really believe in the body’s natural ability to give birth. The medical profession has kind of warped women’s minds into thinking we don’t know how to birth and we need doctors and epidurals and Pitocin.")
Shannon Mitchel speaks out at the NIH VBAC Conference
Christians Urged to Boycott Glenn Beck - The Caucus Blog - NYTimes.com (I generally ignore any talk of Glenn Beck, but this one I have to comment on. Indeed, by exhorting Christians to leave their churches who encourage any activities like "social or economic justice", he is asking people to leave his own Church. Social justice is "ubiquitous in the Book of Mormon.")
Harried mom created baby carrier out of necessity (love this for its clear example of maternal feminism)
Amnesty International Report on U.S. Maternal Health (Jennifer Block)- TIME

Advocacy Opportunities:
MomsRising: Tell Congress to take action on "Most Wanted" of Toxic Chemicals!
Take Action Online | Amnesty International USA | Maternal Health is a Human Right
MomsRising: Tell Congress that parents need paid sick days to keep everyone (from their kids to their colleagues) healthier
Sign the KSCA Petition: Kid-Safe Chemicals Act

Tax My Candy & Soda

Deadlines and Disappointments

2010-03-14T15:56:00.000-07:00

Thinking I was going to be able to get back to blogging and post about all the stuff that is piling up in my blog folder, I have once again been pulled away towards other projects with tight deadlines.

First there was an invitation to write a 1,000 word article for Exponent II, a literary magazine for Mormon women. An exciting opportunity for sure, and now I'm hoping that my submission justifies the invitation.

Next is preparing for an online TV show through the online TV channel Bellies to Booties where I will be introducing and describing The Birth Survey to expectant and new mothers and birth advocates.

The details of the event:

Event details:
What: The Birth Survey
When: March 17, 2:00pm-3:00 pm
Description:
Whether you are pregnant, have had a baby or are interested in birth advocacy, The Birth Survey has something to offer you. Learn how to use The Birth Survey data to help you in your choice of caregiver and birth location, how you can add your birth experience to the data and how you can become involved in spreading the word about The Birth Survey.

Description of Presentation:
Jenne Alderks, M.Ed., Regional Coordinator Co-Chair will introduce and describe The Birth Survey, an online consumer reporting resource for expectant families and it brings greater transparency to maternity care services.

Don't tell me if you'll be watching or not, I'm nervous enough as it is!

And in other news, I heard from two of the programs I applied for; Public Health and Women's Studies and I was not accepted to either of those programs. I still haven't heard from Public Affairs but all along I've thought that was the least likely. The reasons I was given were three that I anticipated: funding shortages, competition between applicants and not having a close enough fit with a primary advisor. As I've said all along, if I don't get in its just as well because I'll not miss the time at home teaching and caring for my children while they are as young as they are.

If the last couple of months have been any indication, maybe I'm busy enough and involved in advocacy pursuits enough for my tastes that I don't need to take myself away from them for schoolwork.

As I spent all November and December of last year, preparing my PhD applications, I spent all of October writing a submission to the Journal for the Association of Research on Mothering. Last week, it was announced that ARM is going to be shutting down unexpectedly and the upcoming issue that I submitted to will not be published.

The director of ARM, Andrea O'Reilly has submitted an invitation to anyone who is disappointed by this announcement to petition York University to provide the base funding to sustain the Association.

Hello all,

I am meeting with York administration on the morning of Tuesday March 16. If you are inclined but have not yet done so, please send a letter of support for ARM before Tuesday morning. Names and emails for York administration may be found on the “ARM closure” Letter, (March 2, 2010) on ARM’s website: www.yorku.ca/arm Thank you once again for all the support. Andrea O’Reilly, Founder and director, ARM

To keep updated on ARM's effort to stay open, join the facebook group Friends of the Association for Research on Mothering.

I also discovered that I missed the deadline for submitting a proposal for The National Council on Family Relations Conference on the topic of childbirth trauma effects on family relationships between the mother and her partner and herself, her new baby and other children. Given the derth of information on the topic, it likely would have been difficult to get enough together for a proposal, but I'm especially sad about this one because I won't have a good reason to visit Minneapolis, Minnesota (where the conference is being held) to visit my colleague for Solace for Mothers who lives in the area.

Financial Dreams

2010-03-11T12:41:00.000-08:00

Due to some circumstances, I'm having to look at what it is I really want out of my future financially, all the things I would like to do in my life, and therefore need to be able to afford. I work better writing things down and who doesn't like to dream of what it is you wish for in life? Its probably something that you also like reading or hearing about others dreams for themselves. So for your reading pleasure:

I like to think that my wants are simple, and that I know the value of simplicity and frugality and the important things of life: family, health, religion, passion. I like to think that I don't overdo or wish beyond my means, and since at this point, I don't know my means and I appreciate having a vision to aspire to, these are my goals or things I would like to attain or possess in this life.

A Home:
So far I know I want it to have 4-5 bedrooms including a master suite with deep jetted tub, a bathroom on the first floor, a "man room" for my husband, and a "me room" for an office/craft room possibly in a loft, a workshop in the garage for crafting, woodworking, etc, a roomy kitchen and quality, comfortable furnishings throughout the home in colors that are pleasing and invigorating to both my husband and I, energy efficient features and as many sustainable materials as possible. We'd like to have enough land for a sizable vegetable garden and I'm enamored with the idea of backyard homesteading. If the home had a stone turret and stained glass windows, I'd be living a dream.

An education for each member of the family:
My husband's PhD is paid for at this point (such a blessing!), as well as my master's degree. Undergraduate college educations for our children are given, but we make the caveat of being willing to pay the equivalent of the LDS subsidy at BYU and not more for a private university. Then there's my PhD that someday I will get but I would hope that would be paid through by fellowships and assistantships, like my husband's. Private schools for my children as they are growing up are an option, and I would like to be able to afford them if we decide to pursue it. Right now we are pursuing a preschool for Willem because it provides a German immersion curriculum and we hope that Willem will be able to pick up enough of the language to be able to converse with my husband in German.

Hobbies:
Hobbies are so expensive but bring a great amount of fulfillment and interest to life. My husband's hobbies are especially expensive: woodworking, guitar and photography. Mine can be expensive too: quilting/sewing, guitar, yoga, and dance. We would like to be financially comfortable enough to buy nice equipment for our hobbies. I'd like to be able to afford dance lessons and yoga classes, as well as maybe someday a industrial embroidery machine and long arm quilter. In our house, we'd like to have a full music room with all of the instruments to make up a rock band. So far, we're just missing the drum set and the microphone. There's something about guitars too, and it seems that people who enjoy playing, also enjoy collecting them. My husband and I are dreaming about this one: http://www.avalonguitars.com/guitars/l300g.php I know my husband wants to build and restore cars with our children as a way to connect, spend time with and teach them as they grow up, that will require a garage and the money for tools, parts and cars.

Travels:
This is where we will likely need the bulk of our wealth. We would very much like to travel to as many places in the world as possible. Our short list is not so short and when we think of travels, we think of being immersed in the local culture by staying for a month or more. That's what we hope to do with a trip to Europe and I would like to stay in Mexico for 3 months or so.

Missions, Philanthropy and Charitable Donations:
My husband and I both have pet causes that we hope assist in accomplishing their goals. My favorites right now are The Coalition for Improving Maternity Services and MomsRising. When we are old enough to have a children out of the house, we strongly desire to serve missions as a married couple for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. In serving church missions, there are opportunities to serve around the world from Norway and Ghana to India and Hawaii, as well as opportunities in the continental United States.

I think that covers the range of interests and areas in which money is necessary. Those are my dreams. What are yours?

A week in Facebook Updates

2010-03-01T00:11:00.001-08:00

I've been away from blogging longer than I thought so by way of catching up via sound-bites (without the sound...) here's what has been going on:

Today (Sunday Feb 28):

* has extra strawberry runners ready for planting. If you want 1 or 2 or more, please let me know. I'm starting a container vegetable garden on my patio. The strawberry runners come in bunches of 25, and I'm only going to be using 3. So please, grow some strawberries on your patio or in your P-Patch! I really don't want them to go to waste.

* She walks!

Friday Feb 26:

* is off to start watching Doctrine and Covenants Scripture Stories with Willem Alderks. Last night we finished the Old Testament, after going through the New Testament and The Book of Mormon.

* is so impressed that the friend who babysat for us tonight understood what I meant when I said "If Belle is inexplainably fussy at any point, put her on the potty upstairs." My friend caught her first EC pee and poop!

* is going to finally experience the amazingness of the new One Size diapers by FuzziBunz Cloth Diapers. Its pretty exciting. I think the woman who thought to put adjustable elastic into diapers is a genius. (I found a special bulk package where in total I got $30 off a package of 6)

Thursday Feb 25:

* is thirsty. I'm sure you wanted to know that.

* Willem Alderks just correctly identified a Porshe.

* wishes that long skirts were long enough for me. I hate it when skirts hit that awkward top of the ankle spot instead of brushing the tops of my feet like I'd like.

Wednesday Feb 24:

* Quote from Willem Alderks: I like being loud because loudness comes up out of your heart. Happiness too, maybe.

* is having issues with a power point slide

* is really trying not to speculate that my aunt is another causality of a screwed up health care system. I know she had been struggling with issues with insurance and health care costs.

* is mourning the loss of my aunt, Cathy Washington who passed away at a month shy of 65 years old. With her death, all my first degree paternal ancestors are gone. I will miss her greatly.

* needs to find out how to do a screen shot on a Macbook. Can anyone help me? (Its a nifty trick!)

Tuesday Feb 23:

* just ordered 10,000 postcards for The Birth Survey! My apartment office managers will like that delivery, lol.

* got to see MRI images of my baby's brain tonight. They're going to send a CD too so I can keep pictures. It seriously cooler than an ultrasound, and so much safer and less invasive! (Belle is participating in a developmental study at the University of Washington)

Monday Feb 22:

* feels I need to teach Willem Alderks about resisting sexual abuse tonight. Any advice for me?

* guess who has learned the roll-your-shoulder-blades-so-its-hard-for-your-parents-to-hold-onto-you trick?

* wonders what kind of a virus induces vomiting, diarrhea, runny nose, congestion, cough and a 104 fever. Also wondering if the sickness will ever end??

Articles I linked to:
The Still Cruel Maternity Wards (article by Henci Goer)
Washington Renaissance Fantasy Faire Performer Application (I'm trying to get my Irish dance company on the roster of performers)
Babywearing Halloween Company
What to Say to Those who Think Single Payer Advocates are Wacko
Oregon News: More Women Choosing Homebirth (the new percentage is 5%)
The World Health Organization 2005 Maternal Child Health Report
Anti-antibiotic PSA

Advocacy Opportunities:
Join Pesticide Action Network to Protect Children from Environmental Contaminants
Join MomsRising to tell Congress to pass real healthcare reform
Tell Congress to Finish the Job on Health Care Reform

Email to State Senator on SB 6517 (Promoting Early Learning)

2010-02-20T21:07:00.000-08:00

The text of SB 6517 states one of its goals is:

"to develop a comprehensive birth-to-three plan to provider education and support through a continuum of options."

Early learning options was a strong theme in my Early Childhood Education Master's program. That was the height of the universal preschool push in California and across the nation. The bill I referenced above is Washington's effort in that direction, though not being billed as universal preschool). Here is the letter I sent to my local representative:

The options referred to throughout the bill imply that all options pertain to non-parental/custodial care arrangements, which neglects the percentage of Washington children who are cared for by one of their parents who are not in the work-force. To truly support all options when it comes to promoting learning of young children, provisions must be included to provide at home parents learning resources and programs that do not remove their children from their care.

In the first year of life, this is especially important given the significance of breastfeeding on child's health. Mothers who return to the workforce soon after the birth of a child are significantly less likely to breastfeed, and wean earlier even when pumping milk for their child. In turn, health care costs for formula fed babies are increased. Many mothers, if there were able to choose to stay home with their baby, would. The state can make at home parenting a viable option for more families by granting the same funding to at home parents as they to do child care providers. This completes the continuum of care options and provides young children with the biological care that is suited to their needs. The state of Minnesota has piloted programs granting funds to at home parents. Even better known is the funds given to at home parents by European nations like Sweden and France.

The state of Hawaii offers a model in a program called Tutu and Me, also called a Family Child Learning Interaction Program. In this program, the state funds early learning classrooms where parents stay with their children and participate in early learning activities facilitated by a skilled ECE professional. The professional models learning activities across the learning domains that at home parents can replicate with their children. Parents also receive a positive model for child guidance and discipline. A sense of community between families is also fostered. This program provides an opportunity for family life and parenting skills education in an hands-on setting, thereby strengthening family functioning and in turn communities. The Tutu and Me program is also a setting for exempt providers (family, friend and neighbor care providers) to learn early learning activities and effective child guidance strategies.

I would like to see provisions for at home parents be included in this bill to promote early learning. There are many economic and social benefits that can be derived from showing equal support to at home parents who care for their children by staying out of the workforce. By providing early learning options for at home parents, parents are given greater freedom of choice in care appropriate care settings for their children, rather than being obliged to place their child in non-custodial care in order to financially support their children.

As a stay at home mother, early learning educator and researcher, I can provide a strong case for the many reasons why this idea would be beneficial fiscally for our state.
Jenne Alderks, M.Ed.

Applying the MCFI to virtual maternity care

2010-02-19T16:23:00.000-08:00

I'm finishing a project where I analyze whether maternity care providers provide mother friendly care based off the Coalition for Improving Maternity Services Mother Friendly Childbirth Initiative so this technique for analyzing birth care is at the front of my thoughts still. So when I came across this segment of RoboMom, I could not help by apply the MCFI steps to what I observed.

Based on the segment, these are the steps that I see were broken:

Step 1 A, B & C: Husband, family members, doula and midwife were not present.
Step 4: Freedom of Position was not encouraged or allowed.
Step 6A: IV and Electronic Fetal Monitoring were used; both procedures which are not supported by research.
Step 8: Baby was not given directly to mother for skin to skin contact, bonding and breastfeeding. Baby was unnecessarily moved across the room for newborn exam.

Also referring to the preamble of the MCFI which contains something like The Birthing Woman's Bill of Rights, it appears that the birthing woman's preferences were not respected because the "voice" for her did not grant assent to her leg being supported in the human stirrup.

It is unknown from the segment whether the birth was medicated or not and if it was the case that mother felt encouraged by hospital staff to accept pain medication, Step 7 was also broken. Also unknown was whether this labor was augmented or induced by Pitocin which would have been breaking Step 6B.

Good news, an episiotomy was not performed. And it appears that the mother was allowed to push when she felt the urge and was not coached (strongly) by the providers present.

Lastly, and this may not a fair critique since who knows how lifelike this robot is, the doctor should not pull on the baby or placenta while they are being delivered. Such practices have a strong likelihood for doing more harm than good including increasing the likelihood of hemorrhage, retained placenta, perineal tears and physical trauma to the infant. If this were a real situation and the doctor did that, it could also be coded as negatively abiding by Step 6.

This is a project that I would really like to do using footage from TLC's Baby Story. If you think this sounds like fun, let me know. I don't have access to TLC or full episodes, so if you have recorded episodes or know if you can by seasons online, tell me.

I even have the spreadsheet to quickly code for each principle and step for the MCFI on hand!

MIA for a bit

2010-02-14T12:58:00.000-08:00

I was really enjoying keeping my New Year's Resolution about regularly posting on my blog. I had even been doing really well with it! But I'm needing to take a break because I've got something even more fun to do with the birth world!

Next week, at the CIMS Forum in Austin, Texas, my colleague Nasima Pfaffl will be giving a presentation on The Birth Survey entitled "Thanks for Listening to Me: Trends and Patterns in the Result of The Birth Survey." I won't be attending but I'm assisting with the data analysis of the free text comments from the survey. It is in the comments where women are able to share some of the most valuable information regarding their provider's maternity care services.

Its a huge project with a tight deadline. I'm getting really creative about finding time in my day to work on it, and expecting some very short nights of sleep while I work on it.

In addition to analyzing and coding approximately 5000 free text comments, I'm also going to be putting together a proposal for the ACNM conference.

Its a lot of work in a short period! And as a reward, I'll go on a blogging spree by clearing out my drafts folder and then enjoy a couples massage for a date night with my husband (Valentine's Day has been rescheduled in our house!)

Belle's First Step

2010-02-09T22:41:00.000-08:00

was tonight!

We were playing on the living room floor when she stood up in front of me. The next thing I knew, she leaned towards me, took a step and grabbed onto my arm.

She has, previously, stepped towards me while lightly holding onto fingers. She was completely bearing her own weight when doing it, but using me for balance and perhaps reassurance.

And then tonight, she ventured a try without holding on.

Yay Belle! You may walk before your brother walked, after all. (Willem walked at 8 months 3 weeks).

Kicking Off National Marriage Week

2010-02-07T15:46:00.000-08:00

The week of February 7th through the 14th is known as National Marriage Week, an initiative to raise awareness on the potential benefits of marriage on families, individuals and communities.

The United States is not the only country to celebrate Marriage Week; Ireland, the UK, Germany, Australia and the Czech Republic also celebrate it.

An article was posted on FOXNews.com entitled "Why You Should Care About Marriage In America." The article provides an excellent summary on the research that shows clearly the societal benefits of marriage.

[M]arriage is the best way to overcome poverty, and it is proven as the best circumstance for raising children. Research overwhelmingly shows that lack of marriage or divorce impoverishes women and children. In addition, boys reared apart from their father are twice as more likely to spend time in prison by age 32 as those who were raised in a married home headed by their own mother and father. Teenage girls who are raised by their own father are much more likely to resist the advances of boys or young men who do not have their best interests at heart. In fact, 35 percent of adolescent girls whose father left before the age of six became pregnant, compared to just 5 percent of girls who were raised by their mother and father. Research also overwhelmingly makes the case that married folks live longer, enjoy better health, greater personal happiness, more well adjusted children, and greater financial stability. (All research references can be found at www.nationalmarriageweekUSA.org)

Feminists are quick to recognize the high percentage of women and children in poverty yet not as quick to recognize that a leading protection is marriage. It may be unpopular to say that women need men and marriage, in light of the traditional effects of patriarchy. Yet, many marriages are found on the ideal of equality with egalitarian sharing of duties and men respecting women for their capabilities as professionals, wives and mothers. Men and women can learn the skills needed to show the respect that each deserves while maintaining feminist ideals, and build a relationship of lasting happiness.

Additionally, "In April 2008, economists reported that it costs U.S. taxpayers a whopping $112 billion a year for divorce and unwed childbearing."

The public health implications of this are persuasive. Many of the human service dollars that go to juvenile and adult corrections, unwed pregnancy, even health care costs can be saved if more children are born and raised in households with married parents.

For years I have wanted to be involved in some grand National Marriage Week effort but have not found or had the means myself to establish a local group. But I can start small, with my marriage.

Each day this week, I'm planning to leave notes for my husband describing how much I love and value him. I'm recommitting to our nighttime routine of praying together and kissing each other good night.

I feel lucky that our half anniversary is two days before Valentine's Day and each year we celebrate the whole weekend as our Anniversary Weekend. With National Marriage Week, we can celebrate the whole week.

What can you do to strengthen your marriage this week? Do you know of any events focusing on marriage happening in your community?

One thing you can do to promote stronger, happier marriage is by posting about National Marriage Week on your blog. Here's a banner you can post:

Dry Days!

2010-02-07T00:08:00.000-08:00

In Elimination Communication, a one diaper day is not quite the Holy Grail but its pretty special, especially the first one.

Friday we had a first one diaper day where Belle's diaper stayed dry all day long and all pees went into the potty. It wasn't entirely a miss-free day however because out of nowhere, she pooped on the floor. It was just that one though. So a one miss day is even special enough to celebrate. To make even a little more noteworthy, this dry day happened on a day where we took a road trip.

Then yesterday, in spite of a busy day with Willem's birthday party, we had an entirely miss-free, one diaper day! All pees and poops went into the potty.

I had been thinking recently that we were probably far off from a one diaper day and wishing that we were closer, and then, surprise! We did it!

At 8 months old, Belle has done all eliminations in a day into the potty!

Birth Activism Opportunity!

2010-02-07T00:04:00.000-08:00

The Birth Survey postcards are an effective way of getting the word out about the survey. Our ambassadors carry them around in their purses and diaper bags and post one, a packet or stack of postcards when at a coffee shop, grocery store, or wherever they see a community board. The idea to keep in mind is: leave the postcards where new mothers and mothers of young children frequently visit.

We can get these postcards posted all over the country so more moms can learn about The Birth Survey.

With many of us receiving tax returns this year, this may be a special way to use a portion of it to support our goals as ambassadors of The Birth Survey and birth advocates!

One way we can do pay for printing the postcards is to get together as small groups and purchase large quantities of these postcards thereby splitting the cost and getting deeper discounts per piece.

The cost of 10,000 postcards is $305.

I don't know about you, but it would be very difficult for an individual to afford that price tag or to distribute that many cards!

If two people split the cost, each pays $155 and receives 5,000 cards.

Three people: $100, receiving 3,333

Four: $76, receiving 2,500

Five: $61, receiving 2,000

Six: $51, receiving 1,666

This can also be done with bulk order of 20,000 with the complete order costing $580.

Please respond in the comments by Feb. 24, if you are interested in sharing this cost and receiving a set of postcards to outreach into your community. The pricing I quoted is good until then with a discount code.

It would be even better to get a few of these small groups going!