Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Only waxing poetic when angry?

After Willem's birth, I found it therapeutic to write poems about my feelings regarding his birth. Since Belle's birth, I have felt at a loss for even the words to express my feelings regarding it. I began to wonder if I only could be poetic when grieving or angry. Come to think of it, there was another point in my life where I enjoyed poetry and it too was a time of sadness, confusion and loss.

Belle's birth was so the opposite of that. In trying to express my feelings, I don't get very far before I come up short. So much went into the decisions I made for her birth that the resulting emotions are so very scattered and incoherent.

All that build-up to say that I was finally able to write a poem. Its all I could do to get the many layers of thoughts and feelings I have about her birth.

Technically boring
Gently introducing
Surrounded by love
Spiritually uplifting
Emotionally freeing
Early beginning
Quickly ending
Sooner than expected
Unbelievingly yawning
Innocently witnessing
Lovingly birthing
Sister and child

Cryptic is the only way I can describe this poem. I hope to go back to it someday and describe what each of the couplets mean to me. There was much strength and power in her birth, but words like happy/joyful/sadness don't cut it. At 3 1/2 months, I'm still figuring out what that experience means to me.

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