On Mother's Day this year, I attended a speech given by Ina May Gaskin at Town Hall in Seattle. There were over 800 people of them, many midwives and doulas but a surprising number of expectant parents. She spoke on her story as a self-taught midwife in the 1970s, described some of the keys to a healthy safe delivery and how important it is for those who care about birth to advocate for increased access to midwives and better obstetric practice.
At the end, it was opened up to the audience to ask questions. During that it became clear to me that Ina May is not familiar with Solace for Mothers as a resource for women who have had traumatic birth experiences. I should have gotten up and mentioned it but I didn't want to sound like an advertisement. Sometimes I just don't know how to deal with public relations!
One of the things that Ina May said she wished for was to have all of the birth advocates be better connected and able to work together. I share that desire with her and really hope that my current efforts will be able to bring that to pass. I really feel that we need an online social network that gathers birth advocates together in the same place and use platforms like the Care2 petition site, facebook, online forums, Change.org and Salsa Democracy to use viral advocacy techniques to bring a strong, united voice to what would truly improve maternity services in the United States and the world. I guess that's my job isn't? Since I am on the CIMS Grassroots Advocates Committee... Big plans, in progress... I just wish it was all ready and that it was common knowledge in the birth community!
I wish that I had had the opportunity to sit down and talk with Ina May but if that had been doing to happen, I should have attend the MAWS conference the Friday before. When prioritizing my desire to see her in person, I had to decide between being away from my kids all day Friday and leave them with a babysitter or be away for 2 hours on Mother's day Sunday and leave them with their dad. It was a tough decision but I chose to have more time with the children and be away from them on a day that's supposed to be especially for me as a mother anyway.
Someday I hope that I can meet and talk with her because I have so much respect for her work, especially on the Maternal Mortality Quilt. I would love to see a complimentary effort to honor and remember mothers who have experienced trauma and PTSD from their birth experiences. For each mother who died in childbirth, I am sensitive to the fact that if they lived, they likely would have been deeply traumatized by their experiences and their memories of being close to death. People traumatized by life events and who live afterwards know the special hell that comes from surviving something horrific and terrifying. I want those mothers to be remembered to. For women who experience trauma, they often find that they become shadows of themselves. They are the walking wounded and we need to be just as aware of them as we are aware of the family members who lost a woman in childbirth. I don't want what that would look like, whether it would be a Solace (thinking Support in Overcoming Labor And Childbearing experiences) quilt or a paper sculpture in the shape of a tree with leaves symbolizing one of the 1.4 million mothers who are traumatized each year. I had a nice talk with Penny Simkin about this and she is encouraging me to come up with something good and a plan to enact it. If you have ideas, please help!
Anyway back to the event with Ina May. After the questions and answers, there was a Birth Fair with birth and baby organizations and services from around the Seattle area. I met the midwives at Puget Sound Birth Center. When I told Val that PSBC is the most highly and frequently rated out of hospital birth center on The Birth Survey, she literally started crying she was so happy!
I was so glad that I was able to attend with my mother and my good friend Shawnette who became a doula after she attended Willem's birth as a volunteer doula. It was a really nice event and obviously, as seen by this post, inspired a lot of ideas and renewed energy and drive for me. It was definitely a special way to spend Mother's Day and a special thanks to my husband and children who were willing to facilitate my attendance.
Showing posts with label Solace for Mothers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Solace for Mothers. Show all posts
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
What will they (I hope) say about me when I die?
also posted on my spirituality blog: Jenneology
I am lifting the following exercise from a recent post on Feminist Mormon Housewives. A new self-help book aiming to assist people of my generation to find their purpose in life provided the exercise. What follows are my answers:
Thought Experiment: You’ve died. You are at your own funeral. What do you want your friends and family to say about you? What did you do with your life? Write down five things you hope people say about the legacy that you’ve left. Write down five things you hope people say about your personality.
1. She was a seeker of truth and was open-minded, and respectful in the finding of it. She embraced the belief in the gospel that all good things come from God and that all truth can be circumscribed into one great whole. She would embrace truth, quite literally, wherever it could be found--in Islam, Unitarian Universalism, Paganism, Gnosticism, Physics, Astronomy and Chemistry. She was a student of life and found great joy in it.
2. She wanted to make a difference in the world and she worked diligently to address some of the injustices and inequalities that people, especially women throughout the world face. Her involvement in non-profit organizations and humanitarian works helped the lives of many. One of the things she was fond of saying was that she didn't want to make a difference in the life of a child, but she wanted to make a difference in the life of many. She worked at the systems level to address the root causes of poverty, abuse and barriers to living a full and happy life.
3. She prioritized her family while at the same time set the example to them to be anxiously engaged in a good cause (or in her case, many). Her children were involved with her and shared her with the people of the world. They had the opportunity to see and do many things that provided service to others because of the example and encouragement of their mother. She was actively involved with them at all levels of their lives and somehow found a balance in the limited hours of each day to show them they were loved and benefited from her presence and involvement in their lives.
4. She was a believer in the radical Jesus: the Jesus who was friends with the sinners and who was compassionate to their experiences, the socialist who believed in complete redistribution of wealth, the empowerment and equality of women and the Christ-like love that each person needs to achieve their potential.
5. She knew hardship, difficulty, pain and injustice and she was able to find strength from her experiences and turn them around to be compassionate towards others, to support and comfort them.
5 personality traits: tenacious, determined, creative, compassionate, advocate
Core Values: Discover what drives you. What principles guide your actions and ideal self? Try to strip away all cultural conditioning and/or religious rhetoric and assess five core values by which you live your life and inform who you want to be. Write these down. Evaluate if there any disconnect between what you wrote down in step one and step two.
Maybe I already did this up above. Just pulling from there, we find that I value: openness to truth/goodness, compassion, advocacy, social justice and idealism.
Find Your Purpose: Why does what you are doing matter? What motivates and inspires you to keep following these values? Chose a purpose. It can be big or small, but has to be intentional. It is the reason for your goals and can change over time. If you are struggling to find your purpose try this experiment. Write down your five most valuable gifts and talents. Next, write below those what each of these can be used for. Finally, evaluate what types of careers or activities you would enjoy that would utilize some of these talents.
I'm already doing many of the things I hope to be remembered for so my purpose is described above. Involvement in Solace for Mothers, LDS WAVE, The Coalition for Improving Maternity Services already address some of those values that I hold so deeply. I would someday like to turn those desires and abilities into paid employment and I hope that it will be doing something that addresses the root causes of injustice in the world. I would love to work in humanitarian aid (whether it is at the local, national or global scene) but at the systems level. One of my skills is to look at big picture and see ways to build coalitions and to bring people together, to create ways that people from very different viewpoints can interface with each other in cooperative ways. Most of my efforts are somehow related to system building and connecting people in large communities to harness their combined power into a stronger more unified voice.
Test Your Purpose: Today my purpose will be _____________. To accomplish that I will use my gifts for ________________ to accomplish these specific goals_______________. Later change the timeline to week, month, and year.
Today my purpose will be two fold:
1) to connect with my children and show them the value of caring for others
2) learn about how to structure my family economically so we can be Equal Shared Parenting and Radical Homemaking folks.
To accomplish that I will use my gifts for being involved in national organizations and reading to accomplish these specific goals:
1) I will walk with my children in the March of Dimes walk, teach them to sew and make things we can sell on Talents of Sisters.
2) start reading the book Equally Shared Parenting and discuss with my husband the possibilities that our interests lead us to.
Otherwise, I would say that my goals are year long, or at the very least, seasonal. This year I hope to create an online community for birth advocates that can become a hub for the thousands who care birth issues in our world. This season, we hope to grow some of our own food and make some of our own household products to develop our skills and save money.
Write It All Down: Once you have a purpose you can stick with, write it all down and it will remind your of who you are and what you want to be. I.e.My five core values are ____________. My five core talents are ______________. In the next ten years my purpose will be ______________. The key features of my personal mission statement are ______________.
My five core values are openness to truth/goodness, compassion, advocacy, social justice and idealism.
My five core talents are:
1) building community and cooperation around advocacy efforts
2) addressing root causes of social issues
3) looking at the big picture
4) being respectful and open to differing view points
5) embracing and valuing the good that is inherent in differing perspectives
In the next ten years my purpose will be to:
1) achieve equal partnership in my marriage
2) find paid part-time employment in advocacy work
3) support and contribute to organizations addressing global poverty
4) continue to develop current advocacy organizations
5) educate my children through experiential learning in living the gospel of the radical Jesus.
The key features of my personal mission statement are make a difference in the world, aspire to the ideal, encourage potential, and value balance and compassion to oneself and others.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Update on Pregnancy and Previous Birth Trauma
(first part is copied from a post on the Solace for Mothers online community)
I'm 38 weeks pregnant and I've started feeling just awful pain in my belly, in the skin and tissues around my bellybutton. It got to such a point that I felt like I need to consult with a specialist to rule out anything particularly scary. So last night, I went to Labor and Delivery at the hospital where Willem was born.
I don't know whether I was really lucky or if the standard of care has changed there since Willem was born, but they were very respectful of my decision making power and very sensitive to my needs to be in control of the situation. Maybe I owe it all to the nurse who was attending to me because through our small talk, she learned that I had had a traumatic birth at that hospital and maybe she warned the resident and attending who was there.
I was so afraid going in. Afraid that I would be treated negatively for planning a homebirth, afraid that they wouldn't take my complaint seriously, afraid that they'd over-react and try to pressure me into an induction or c-section, afraid they try to bully me into transferring care to them...
None of those things happened.
And I think there may have been some good that came out of it. In talking to the nurse, she felt like she recalled my name from somewhere (probably from the Mothering dot Community forums. I think that's when I mentioned that I work with Solace and she felt like she recognized my name in connection with that. I gave her a couple of our business cards and told her about the two discussion boards. That's when I found out that one of her births was traumatic as well, and I was able to offer this board as a resource to her, as well as inviting her to participate in the advocates board since she's a L&D nurse who is sensitive to the topic of birth trauma.
Coming away from that experience, I'm really surprised, a little bit pleased and kind of confused. Surprised that what I expected to happen didn't.--I was really stressed out being there because my initial blood pressure was way high, as was the baby's heart rate.--I'm just so surprised that the attitude of the staff and providers last night was so different from the care I received when Willem was being born. And that's what confuses me: was it special consideration for the fact I had had a negative experience there previously? Or have things really changed there?
I'm kind of hoping (but I don't know how realistic it is) that after I complained to the hospital about the treatment that maybe there were efforts to better train staff in principles of informed consent and so every L&D patient is getting improved care. I would be so pleased if I knew that were the case. I was so upset after my experience that nothing would be done and the same things (and worse) would be happening to other women who were birthing their babies there. I know its standard practice not to inform people who have complaint that steps have been taken to prevent the same thing from happening to others (because that would be an admission of guilt, right?). But maybe, just maybe, there was some good that came out of my birth experience there, and things have changed for the better....I can only hope.
Or I got lucky with who was there last night...
In other news, I can tell more about the last couple of weeks in the pregnancy.
Everything was going great until about 36 weeks when I started feeling more tired than I had. I was feeling a lot of (self-driven) pressure to get things done while I still could so I started burning myself out on projects. I asked for help from my husband, and it took some effort and strong emotion to get him to understand what my needs at the particular time were. After we discussed and worked that out, I felt like I was getting much more support and understanding from him. So I thought things were going pretty good and that I'd just be enjoying the last few weeks of pregnancy without much stress.
Until Tuesday of last week, when I pulled the entire sheet of abdominal muscles on the right side of my belly. Something like it has happened when I was pregnant with Willem so I figured that a couple of days and some patience would resolve it. It was on Thursday that I realized that the muscle pain was gone but I had residual soreness around my bellybutton where it was sensitive to touch (especially if my 2 yr old bumped against it, or if the baby moved against the spot). The pain honestly was more intense than any discomfort I felt from Willem's 38 hour, lots of back labor birth. Never before had I experienced pain so sharp that I would cry out, tears would spring to my eyes and I would tense completely. The way I described my pain was like it felt like my bellybutton would going to rip apart from the inside out.
Of course, I wanted to understand what it could possibly be so I started internet searches for search terms like "bellybutton blowout" (just for fun, I wanted to see what would come up--not much), and "conditions of the bellybutton or umbilicus." The results that came up described an umbilical hernia which is known to happen in adults rarely but typically if the adult is obese or pregnant. I wanted to get that ruled out and then discuss with someone who knew about the condition what effects that might have on the end of my pregnancy, labor and birth, and if it would require some sort of treatment postpartum as well. I'd also like to know what sort of effects it might have on future pregnancies. So off to a specialist...
In some ways it has been a good experience because I've seen that I can trust health care professionals and turn to them in times of need in order to apply their knowledge and skill. (Of course the attending who saw me on Saturday didn't know much about what could be causing the pain, and couldn't necessarily rule out the umbilical hernia, but she was able to refer me to radiology where the technicians there would know what to be looking for in such a case).
I've also seen that complications in pregnancy can happen to me, even if its this really obscure one. This pain has definitely been a challenge because my mobility and ability to care for myself and family is very limited at this point. I remembered the priesthood blessing I received at the beginning of this pregnancy that warned me of challenges that I would face in this pregnancy. I would call this a challenge, with possibly more challenges to come as a consequence.
Tomorrow, I will go back to see the radiologist for an ultrasound of my umbilical region to rule out the hernia and possibly find an explanation for the pain I'm experiencing. Hopefully then, I will be able to consult with the various departments of medicine to figure out what the implications are for birthing this baby.
Prayers are appreciated because I am afraid of hearing that an induction or C-section is recommended or that this pain could make a non-medicated labor much more difficult. I do not want to be faced with the situation where I might need to choose between the gentle, non-interventive birth I believe is so important for my child and the hospital birth with epidural, induction or C-section. Based on my initial judgement, I'd take the more severely painful homebirth over the promise of reduced pain in a hospital if the risks of my discomfort is what is being weighed against the health of my baby. I know I am strong, I know I am capable and I have faith that I can labor and birth this baby on my own with this pain, even if its worse than I can imagine right now. Especially if I can give my baby the healthier, safer birth that I long to give her at home.
How does that affect my decision to UC? Depending on the amount of pain I'm experiencing and my need for support and comfort, I am more than willing to give up on the UC aspiration to have the midwives (plus additional assistants) there supporting and encouraging me.
Last night at the hospital, I had my husband, my friend (who was the doula at Willem's birth) and the nurse providing physical and emotional support during the exam where the resident palpated my bellybutton. I think that if I needed (and greatly appreciated!) that much support for that, I may have a much increased need for support during labor.
I suppose there is the possibility that the pain could resolve before labor begins (even though I've been experiencing sporadic contractions since Tuesday night) or that the pain in my bellybutton will not impair my ability to labor. I can hope for that.
I'm 38 weeks pregnant and I've started feeling just awful pain in my belly, in the skin and tissues around my bellybutton. It got to such a point that I felt like I need to consult with a specialist to rule out anything particularly scary. So last night, I went to Labor and Delivery at the hospital where Willem was born.
I don't know whether I was really lucky or if the standard of care has changed there since Willem was born, but they were very respectful of my decision making power and very sensitive to my needs to be in control of the situation. Maybe I owe it all to the nurse who was attending to me because through our small talk, she learned that I had had a traumatic birth at that hospital and maybe she warned the resident and attending who was there.
I was so afraid going in. Afraid that I would be treated negatively for planning a homebirth, afraid that they wouldn't take my complaint seriously, afraid that they'd over-react and try to pressure me into an induction or c-section, afraid they try to bully me into transferring care to them...
None of those things happened.
And I think there may have been some good that came out of it. In talking to the nurse, she felt like she recalled my name from somewhere (probably from the Mothering dot Community forums. I think that's when I mentioned that I work with Solace and she felt like she recognized my name in connection with that. I gave her a couple of our business cards and told her about the two discussion boards. That's when I found out that one of her births was traumatic as well, and I was able to offer this board as a resource to her, as well as inviting her to participate in the advocates board since she's a L&D nurse who is sensitive to the topic of birth trauma.
Coming away from that experience, I'm really surprised, a little bit pleased and kind of confused. Surprised that what I expected to happen didn't.--I was really stressed out being there because my initial blood pressure was way high, as was the baby's heart rate.--I'm just so surprised that the attitude of the staff and providers last night was so different from the care I received when Willem was being born. And that's what confuses me: was it special consideration for the fact I had had a negative experience there previously? Or have things really changed there?
I'm kind of hoping (but I don't know how realistic it is) that after I complained to the hospital about the treatment that maybe there were efforts to better train staff in principles of informed consent and so every L&D patient is getting improved care. I would be so pleased if I knew that were the case. I was so upset after my experience that nothing would be done and the same things (and worse) would be happening to other women who were birthing their babies there. I know its standard practice not to inform people who have complaint that steps have been taken to prevent the same thing from happening to others (because that would be an admission of guilt, right?). But maybe, just maybe, there was some good that came out of my birth experience there, and things have changed for the better....I can only hope.
Or I got lucky with who was there last night...
In other news, I can tell more about the last couple of weeks in the pregnancy.
Everything was going great until about 36 weeks when I started feeling more tired than I had. I was feeling a lot of (self-driven) pressure to get things done while I still could so I started burning myself out on projects. I asked for help from my husband, and it took some effort and strong emotion to get him to understand what my needs at the particular time were. After we discussed and worked that out, I felt like I was getting much more support and understanding from him. So I thought things were going pretty good and that I'd just be enjoying the last few weeks of pregnancy without much stress.
Until Tuesday of last week, when I pulled the entire sheet of abdominal muscles on the right side of my belly. Something like it has happened when I was pregnant with Willem so I figured that a couple of days and some patience would resolve it. It was on Thursday that I realized that the muscle pain was gone but I had residual soreness around my bellybutton where it was sensitive to touch (especially if my 2 yr old bumped against it, or if the baby moved against the spot). The pain honestly was more intense than any discomfort I felt from Willem's 38 hour, lots of back labor birth. Never before had I experienced pain so sharp that I would cry out, tears would spring to my eyes and I would tense completely. The way I described my pain was like it felt like my bellybutton would going to rip apart from the inside out.
Of course, I wanted to understand what it could possibly be so I started internet searches for search terms like "bellybutton blowout" (just for fun, I wanted to see what would come up--not much), and "conditions of the bellybutton or umbilicus." The results that came up described an umbilical hernia which is known to happen in adults rarely but typically if the adult is obese or pregnant. I wanted to get that ruled out and then discuss with someone who knew about the condition what effects that might have on the end of my pregnancy, labor and birth, and if it would require some sort of treatment postpartum as well. I'd also like to know what sort of effects it might have on future pregnancies. So off to a specialist...
In some ways it has been a good experience because I've seen that I can trust health care professionals and turn to them in times of need in order to apply their knowledge and skill. (Of course the attending who saw me on Saturday didn't know much about what could be causing the pain, and couldn't necessarily rule out the umbilical hernia, but she was able to refer me to radiology where the technicians there would know what to be looking for in such a case).
I've also seen that complications in pregnancy can happen to me, even if its this really obscure one. This pain has definitely been a challenge because my mobility and ability to care for myself and family is very limited at this point. I remembered the priesthood blessing I received at the beginning of this pregnancy that warned me of challenges that I would face in this pregnancy. I would call this a challenge, with possibly more challenges to come as a consequence.
Tomorrow, I will go back to see the radiologist for an ultrasound of my umbilical region to rule out the hernia and possibly find an explanation for the pain I'm experiencing. Hopefully then, I will be able to consult with the various departments of medicine to figure out what the implications are for birthing this baby.
Prayers are appreciated because I am afraid of hearing that an induction or C-section is recommended or that this pain could make a non-medicated labor much more difficult. I do not want to be faced with the situation where I might need to choose between the gentle, non-interventive birth I believe is so important for my child and the hospital birth with epidural, induction or C-section. Based on my initial judgement, I'd take the more severely painful homebirth over the promise of reduced pain in a hospital if the risks of my discomfort is what is being weighed against the health of my baby. I know I am strong, I know I am capable and I have faith that I can labor and birth this baby on my own with this pain, even if its worse than I can imagine right now. Especially if I can give my baby the healthier, safer birth that I long to give her at home.
How does that affect my decision to UC? Depending on the amount of pain I'm experiencing and my need for support and comfort, I am more than willing to give up on the UC aspiration to have the midwives (plus additional assistants) there supporting and encouraging me.
Last night at the hospital, I had my husband, my friend (who was the doula at Willem's birth) and the nurse providing physical and emotional support during the exam where the resident palpated my bellybutton. I think that if I needed (and greatly appreciated!) that much support for that, I may have a much increased need for support during labor.
I suppose there is the possibility that the pain could resolve before labor begins (even though I've been experiencing sporadic contractions since Tuesday night) or that the pain in my bellybutton will not impair my ability to labor. I can hope for that.
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