Financial Dreams

Due to some circumstances, I'm having to look at what it is I really want out of my future financially, all the things I would like to do in my life, and therefore need to be able to afford. I work better writing things down and who doesn't like to dream of what it is you wish for in life? Its probably something that you also like reading or hearing about others dreams for themselves. So for your reading pleasure:

I like to think that my wants are simple, and that I know the value of simplicity and frugality and the important things of life: family, health, religion, passion. I like to think that I don't overdo or wish beyond my means, and since at this point, I don't know my means and I appreciate having a vision to aspire to, these are my goals or things I would like to attain or possess in this life.

A Home:
So far I know I want it to have 4-5 bedrooms including a master suite with deep jetted tub, a bathroom on the first floor, a "man room" for my husband, and a "me room" for an office/craft room possibly in a loft, a workshop in the garage for crafting, woodworking, etc, a roomy kitchen and quality, comfortable furnishings throughout the home in colors that are pleasing and invigorating to both my husband and I, energy efficient features and as many sustainable materials as possible. We'd like to have enough land for a sizable vegetable garden and I'm enamored with the idea of backyard homesteading. If the home had a stone turret and stained glass windows, I'd be living a dream.

An education for each member of the family:
My husband's PhD is paid for at this point (such a blessing!), as well as my master's degree. Undergraduate college educations for our children are given, but we make the caveat of being willing to pay the equivalent of the LDS subsidy at BYU and not more for a private university. Then there's my PhD that someday I will get but I would hope that would be paid through by fellowships and assistantships, like my husband's. Private schools for my children as they are growing up are an option, and I would like to be able to afford them if we decide to pursue it. Right now we are pursuing a preschool for Willem because it provides a German immersion curriculum and we hope that Willem will be able to pick up enough of the language to be able to converse with my husband in German.

Hobbies:
Hobbies are so expensive but bring a great amount of fulfillment and interest to life. My husband's hobbies are especially expensive: woodworking, guitar and photography. Mine can be expensive too: quilting/sewing, guitar, yoga, and dance. We would like to be financially comfortable enough to buy nice equipment for our hobbies. I'd like to be able to afford dance lessons and yoga classes, as well as maybe someday a industrial embroidery machine and long arm quilter. In our house, we'd like to have a full music room with all of the instruments to make up a rock band. So far, we're just missing the drum set and the microphone. There's something about guitars too, and it seems that people who enjoy playing, also enjoy collecting them. My husband and I are dreaming about this one: http://www.avalonguitars.com/guitars/l300g.php I know my husband wants to build and restore cars with our children as a way to connect, spend time with and teach them as they grow up, that will require a garage and the money for tools, parts and cars.

Travels:
This is where we will likely need the bulk of our wealth. We would very much like to travel to as many places in the world as possible. Our short list is not so short and when we think of travels, we think of being immersed in the local culture by staying for a month or more. That's what we hope to do with a trip to Europe and I would like to stay in Mexico for 3 months or so.

Missions, Philanthropy and Charitable Donations:
My husband and I both have pet causes that we hope assist in accomplishing their goals. My favorites right now are The Coalition for Improving Maternity Services and MomsRising. When we are old enough to have a children out of the house, we strongly desire to serve missions as a married couple for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. In serving church missions, there are opportunities to serve around the world from Norway and Ghana to India and Hawaii, as well as opportunities in the continental United States.

I think that covers the range of interests and areas in which money is necessary. Those are my dreams. What are yours?

Kicking Off National Marriage Week

The week of February 7th through the 14th is known as National Marriage Week, an initiative to raise awareness on the potential benefits of marriage on families, individuals and communities.

The United States is not the only country to celebrate Marriage Week; Ireland, the UK, Germany, Australia and the Czech Republic also celebrate it.

An article was posted on FOXNews.com entitled "Why You Should Care About Marriage In America." The article provides an excellent summary on the research that shows clearly the societal benefits of marriage.

[M]arriage is the best way to overcome poverty, and it is proven as the best circumstance for raising children. Research overwhelmingly shows that lack of marriage or divorce impoverishes women and children. In addition, boys reared apart from their father are twice as more likely to spend time in prison by age 32 as those who were raised in a married home headed by their own mother and father. Teenage girls who are raised by their own father are much more likely to resist the advances of boys or young men who do not have their best interests at heart. In fact, 35 percent of adolescent girls whose father left before the age of six became pregnant, compared to just 5 percent of girls who were raised by their mother and father. Research also overwhelmingly makes the case that married folks live longer, enjoy better health, greater personal happiness, more well adjusted children, and greater financial stability. (All research references can be found at www.nationalmarriageweekUSA.org)

Feminists are quick to recognize the high percentage of women and children in poverty yet not as quick to recognize that a leading protection is marriage. It may be unpopular to say that women need men and marriage, in light of the traditional effects of patriarchy. Yet, many marriages are found on the ideal of equality with egalitarian sharing of duties and men respecting women for their capabilities as professionals, wives and mothers. Men and women can learn the skills needed to show the respect that each deserves while maintaining feminist ideals, and build a relationship of lasting happiness.

Additionally, "In April 2008, economists reported that it costs U.S. taxpayers a whopping $112 billion a year for divorce and unwed childbearing."

The public health implications of this are persuasive. Many of the human service dollars that go to juvenile and adult corrections, unwed pregnancy, even health care costs can be saved if more children are born and raised in households with married parents.

For years I have wanted to be involved in some grand National Marriage Week effort but have not found or had the means myself to establish a local group. But I can start small, with my marriage.

Each day this week, I'm planning to leave notes for my husband describing how much I love and value him. I'm recommitting to our nighttime routine of praying together and kissing each other good night.

I feel lucky that our half anniversary is two days before Valentine's Day and each year we celebrate the whole weekend as our Anniversary Weekend. With National Marriage Week, we can celebrate the whole week.

What can you do to strengthen your marriage this week? Do you know of any events focusing on marriage happening in your community?

One thing you can do to promote stronger, happier marriage is by posting about National Marriage Week on your blog. Here's a banner you can post:

Yay Obama!

As an undergraduate, I studied family life education, apart of which is marriage education. I worked as a research assistant on the National Healthy Marriage Resource Center where I summarized research studies on marriage as the optimal arrangement for children, men and women (see recent post: http://descentintomotherhood.blogspot.com/2008/11/why-is-govt-promoting-marriage.html).

In 2006, George W. Bush sponsored legislation that would promote and encourage marriage as that optimal arrangement. The Healthy Marriage Initiative was authorized under Temporary Aid for Needy Families (TANF/welfare funds).

Although the social science research is very clear (I recommend reading The Case for Marriage, 2001), I was worried that in a time of economic downturn and administration change that the funding to provide marriage education services would not be continued.

Today I learned that Barack Obama has been a firm supporter of marriage education efforts and plans to continue supporting the funding of such programs. On the Healthy Marriage Initiative homepage, there is a quote from his book The Audacity of Hope, 2006:

"...Finally, preliminary research shows that marriage educaton workshops can make a reall difference in helping married couples stay together and in encouraging unmarried couples who are living together form a more lasting bond. Expanding access to such services to low income couples, perhaps in concert with job training and placement, medical coverage, and other services already available should be something everybody can agree on..."

By placing that quote on the webpage, I am heartened that the research will continue to speak for itself and that programs and efforts to stablize American families will continue.

Why is Govt Promoting Marriage?

This is a topic that has been a interest of mine, and a major focus of my research throughout my undergraduate and graduate degrees. My readers can think of it as part of my grand scheme to make our society and country a better (safer and happier)place for children and families.

From the Department of Health and Human Services, Adminstration for Children and Families:

Benefits of Healthy Marriages

For Children and Youth
Researchers have found many benefits for children and youth who are raised by parents in healthy marriages, compared to unhealthy marriages, including the following:

More likely to attend college
More likely to succeed academically
Physically healthier
Emotionally healthier
Less likely to attempt or commit suicide
Demonstrate less behavioral problems in school
Less likely to be a victim of physical or sexual abuse
Less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol
Less likely to commit delinquent behaviors
Have a better relationship with their mothers and fathers
Decreases their chances of divorcing when they get married
Less likely to become pregnant as a teenager, or impregnate someone.
Less likely to be sexually active as teenagers
Less likely to contract STD's
Less likely to be raised in poverty

For Women
Researchers have found many benefits for women who are in healthy marriages, compared to unhealthy marriages, including the following:

More satisfying relationship
Emotionally healthier
Wealthier
Less likely to be victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, or other violent crimes
Less likely to attempt or commit suicide
Decrease risk of drug and alcohol abuse
Less likely to contract STD's
Less likely to remain or end up in poverty
Have better relationships with their children
Physically healthier

For Men
Researchers have found many benefits for men who are in healthy marriages, compared to unhealthy marriages, including the following:

Live longer
Physically healthier
Wealthier
Increase in the stability of employment
Higher wages
Emotionally healthier
Decrease risk of drug and alcohol abuse
Have better relationships with their children
More satisfying sexual relationship
Less likely to commit violent crimes
Less likely to contract STD's
Less likely to attempt or commit suicide

For Communities
Researchers have found many benefits for communities when they have a higher percentage of couples in healthy marriages, compared to unhealthy marriages, including the following:

Higher rates of physically healthy citizens
Higher rates of emotionally healthy citizens
Higher rates of educated citizens
Lower domestic violence rates
Lower crime statistics
Lower teen age pregnancy rates
Lower rates of juvenile delinquency
Higher rates of home ownership
Lower rates of migration
Higher property values
Decreased need for social services


[Source: Why Marriage Matters, Second Edition: Twenty-Six Conclusions from the Social Sciences, September 2005.]

Baby Dance

Lately, I've been yearning for a baby. I can feel it deep in my uterus. My body is wanting to birth another baby. I am happy for all the friends and moms I hear are pregnant and I congratulate them. At the same time, I wish I could be pregnant again too. I have been slightly frustrated by remaining infertile as I've been breastfeeding. Shorter lutuel phases are making conception unlikely. My husband's and my efforts are turned to prayer that soon we will be able to conceive again. Last night a wrote a poem that manifests my desire:

Dance with me, spritely child.
Dwelling in my fertile womb,
At my breast so full with milky white moonlight
And wrapped in my arms.
Together we dance
First your father and I, warm breath and tangled limbs
Gentle words and loving carresses
Next you and me
The fluid dance of red-gloden light.
The motions build as we coordinate our moves.
Shifting, swaying, turning, twisting.
Daddy steps in again with strong hands
and the strength to hold us all.
Gently, with excitment, exuberance and toil
We call out to each other- "Let us Meet!"
To dance with each other outside the womb.
At that pinnacle, we dance some more.
Welcomed feet first, head first
-however you choose to dance into this world.
Our rhythms matched and adapting to each other
While the hum of angelic energy brightens the air.
And then, you are at my breast.
Curled against our warm bodies
And cradled in our arms.
To sway and shift throughout our days
And through our nights.
Just as we did the night you were born.

Who nurtures a mother?

Who holds a mother and comforts her when down?
Who is there to cup her head in their hand,
so the love from their spirit seeps into hers?

Who holds her up, gives her the strength to stand,
to face another day, to hold anothers hand?

Who is there to listen to the outpouring of her emotions,
to listen with their heart,
and respond with intent to mend?

Who gives her the strength when she doesn't have enough of her own?

Can she run to her own mother, a grilfriend?
The kindly woman next door?
Her children?
Is her only hope God, a spirit who speaks through feelings?
Or can there be reasurrance through touch and an ear tickling with warm breath from a soft voice?

Rough skin against smooth
Arms enfolding, encircling with love?
Heaving breaths and wracking sobs,
Grief contained by the love of another?

Tears dry on wet cheeks
Sobs turning into even breathing
Strands of hair brushed gently away.

Who nurtures a mother?
A husband.