The Best Night in a While

Belle, now 14 1/2 months old, is sleeping awfully. At six months, she was night-waking once for breastmilk. That continued until she was 13 months old and even for a while she did not wake for milk in the middle of the night. It was wonderful.

Now she's discovered that she can come into bed with us and that she actually enjoys bedsharing--a complete reversal of her wants and needs at 6 months old.

While I'm pleased that she likes to cuddle during sleep which is in fact what I would have preferred all along, she has not been sleeping well until she comes into bed with us and continues to not sleep well when in bed. Because of that, we've all been exhausted. I've been pretty worn down since she mainly sleeps and cuddles with me, thence I'm the one she keeps awake most. I wondered when the inevitable sickness from not sleeping would come. It hit over the weekend. Impressive given this sleep situation has been going on for 3-4 weeks.

Last night we found something that worked better and at least got me the sleep I've been sorely lacking. When she woke up at 1 am, my husband went into her room with her and they cuddled the night away. Because she's congested, she didn't sleep so soundly but from what my husband said it was better than recent nights. He actually got a deep sleep between 3:30 am and when he got up at 10:00. I got a sound sleep and I'm feeling invigorated.

I hope this is not the solution for getting enough sleep. I know that if I were to switch off on nights with him that the nights she sleeps with me wouldn't not work as well as it does with him. With bedsharing, its very much like the book "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie." If you give her a spot in the bed next to mama, she will ask for mama milk. All. Night. Long.

She's perfectly happy to not eat during sleeptime but if its available, she'll take advantage. And harass me until I give in. It just seems like a happier arrangement for all of us, if she's sharing the bed next to my husband and not me.

I'm tempted to rearrange the sleep arrangements for her sake again. At six months old, we moved the sidecar crib into the children's bedroom (where at the time no children slept). That necessitated a complete rearrangement of other furniture too. I wonder if this time, the answer is to rearrange the twin bed that's in the other room. I think there's enough space between our queen size mattress and the wall in our room for a twin to fit. I'm on the same page with my husband, though, we hate moving. In the first few years of our marriage, we moved frequently and since then we live in a transient neighborhood so we are often helping neighbors move. Even the thought of rearranging furniture in our house is enough to make us less than willing.

We'll see how long we can be happy with my husband not sleeping in our marriage bed, with my young son with me and him with our daughter. Maybe we'll break down in the not distance future and try the extended to king bed in our room.

In preparation for that, can anyone recommend bed connectors that work well and don't leave a big gap between mattresses?

End of An Era

A recent Facebook status of mine was:

Jenne's family has reached the end of an era. No more sidecar crib. Its nice to have a place to put my books, a reading lap, a glass of water, etc now. Maybe when I find my phone, I'll have a safe place to keep it!

This came after it was determined that Belle sleeps more soundly when she is not bedsharing or cosleeping. My movements in my sleep disturb her at night. After 4 sleepless nights and some profound stress and exhaustion (and help from neighbors and my Relief Society sisters), we tested a new sleep arrangement where she sleeps in the second bedroom. We tried it out first with a pack and play because we didn't want to move the crib, rearrange two rooms just to find out we were wrong.

It was a sad and difficult decision to reach this point because we are still happily bedsharing with Willem, and I was looking forward to sharing that special nighttime connection with my newest child. I've really loved bedsharing for the most part.

One of the hallmarks of attachment parenting, of course, is bedsharing. But I had to remind myself of the wise words of Dr. Sears "Wherever all family members get the best night's sleep is the right arrangement for your individual family....Attachment parenting implies first opening your mind and heart to the individual needs of your baby, and eventually you will develop the wisdom on how to make on-the-spot decisions on what works best for both you and your baby." For us, it was a matter of finding out our individual child needed.

I believe that the default parenting practices ought to be the 7 B's of Attachment Parenting but there will always be need for adaptation to and respect for the individual.

Our sleep problems aren't solved. Belle, although she had been sleeping through the night and I hadn't been sleep deprived at all--until she was six months old, is still frequently nightwaking. I'm not sure exactly what is causing this although I suspect its a developmental stage. I find that swaddling helps. She may also be a light sleeper so I'm planning to cover the window with dark fabric to keep light out.

However tempting it is to bring her to bed with me, or to lay down with her on the twin bed in the "nursery," its not as effective as nursing her back to sleep in my arms and then laying her down again in the crib. Its not my ideal because not only do I love cuddling with my babies, but it means I have to wake up more fully to attend to her needs.

Another benefit of cosleeping?

At 1:30 am last night, Willem woke up vomitting up his dinner. He was on his back at the time. Peter, my husband, woke up quickly and turned him over on to his stomach. Willem was barely awake, or even aware that he was throwing up so he tried to go back to sleep. We wouldn't allow it because he was rubbing his face in the puddle of vomit. We then cleaned him up as best we could without totally stripping the sheets and bathing him.

I'm just glad that we were cosleeping with him because he was so quiet throughout the whole thing that if he had been sleeping in the other room, we would not have known until the next morning. Not only would it have been an awful, disgusting mess, there's a chance that he may have aspirated vomit either when he was on his back throwing up, or when he rolled over and rubbed his face in it.

I have never heard of this benefit of cosleeping, that we'd be able to quickly attend to our child in a scary situation like that, but I've learned that cosleeping in this case may have prevented a potentially dangerous situation.