Treasure Mapping 2011

This year I decided to join in with the April New Moon Tradition of Treasure Mapping. Consider it a visual representation of the hopes, dreams, goals and aspirations I have for myself and my family over the next year.

For a description of how to treasure map, see here: Mothering.Community's Official Treasure Map of 2011.

So here's mine. Its a work in progress and will probably work on cleaning it up in the next few days but I'm really excited to share it, anyway. It was grueling and somewhat discouraging to think without limits and then try not to let reality encroach. reach for the stars, right?

Dreaming of a Garden

This last planting season, I experimented with a vegetable garden for the first time in my life. Our apartment community provided P-Patches and in our we planted a variety of vegetables. I was anticipating disappointment so I was pleasantly surprised to be able to harvest beets, carrots, kale, swiss chard and cabbage from our garden. I enjoyed watching my children eat strawberries off the vine. On the other hand, the tomatoes rotted on the vine before they ripened (it was a hard season, very cool, not a lot of sun), the spinach and basil didn't come up, the cilantro dried up.

Now that I've met with some success and learned some things, I am really looking forward to the next planting season. I've gotten an idea of the types of vegetables that we use the most and want to grow on our own. Kale is one that we want to grow a great deal of because we know we would use it. Basil is another. I'll try tomatoes again but I'd probably start them from a nursery bought plant rather than seed. We'd do strawberries again, but probably in ground rather than in containers. The carrots were probably the biggest success though a few ended up looking more potato shaped.

One of the reasons why I'm getting so excited is that we are currently house hunting so I'm keep my eyes open for yards that would make for good planting. The current leader on our list of possibilities has the perfect 15 x 15 area for a garden. There's a small fence with a gate to keep children from playing it and jutting off one side is a side yard large enough to plant a small orchard.

If we are fortunate enough to move into that house, I would be so very happy to plant a great deal more next season than I did this last year. I would hope for an over abundance of kale and carrots. And really hope that we get some tomatoes.

My husband has a colleague who grows large quantities of tomatoes each year that she can make a freeze soups, sauces and eat many raw throughout the season. I aspire to something like that, because we love tomatoes in this house.

This year I was going for simple success, next year I'll be trying for abundance. This is going to be a long winter of anticipation...

Check that off the Bucket List

For a couple of years, Peter and I have wanted to be taught some basic massage techniques so we can give each other massages where both of us actually know what we are doing. Peter is built like a Viking (think a full size version of Glimli from Lord of the Rings). The muscles in his back are hard as bone, and its so broad that I have a very hard time massaging him. And for him, his hands are so strong and my body so bony and muscles so small in comparison that he has a hard time being gentle enough to not hurt me.

We had thought about finding a massage therapist to teach us some basic techniques but we hadn't been able to arrange anything. Then through his university, we enrolled in the Extension program's course for couple massage, but that too didn't work out.

But then today, I had the opportunity to not only take a full day class with my husband learning together the elements and techniques of massage, I was introduced to the campus of Bastyr University. The campus is beautiful, their cafeteria fully vegetarian with vegan and gluten free options. I learned about their bookstore as a resource for buying used midwifery textbooks and other supplies which I'll make use of in my midwifery program. Now the trick will be to visit again with two little ones in tow...

They offer continuing education and community education courses one of which is an 8 hour, bring a partner and learn massage course called Massage Made Easy.

A neighbor cared for our children today while we went.

Now I know some ways to isolate those knotted muscles on my husband's back and massage each part of the body with basic massage techniques.

I learned the value of a massage table which we don't have and can't afford to buy but I do know that my mother at one point purchased a portable massage table. I hope she still has it and once she moves to be near to us, I hope we'll be able to borrow and use it. Maybe not every day, but when sleeping children, exhaustion levels and midnight work cooperate.

A highlight of the class today was when an elderly man said, "Why don't marriage therapists recommend classes like this to married couples to strengthen their marriage?"

I do believe I have heard marriage educators and therapists recommend massage to couples, but I'll echo the man's recommendation. I do know from my experience that giving massages to your spouse is a good way to come together and show physical love and care separate from sex, while providing relaxation and connection that perhaps, and often will lead to intercourse. I'm reminded of the post which taught me that daily routines and rituals of caring for one's family can be devotionals and moments of quiet reflection where prayers or thoughts of love and concern can be imbued into daily activities. I can see how massaging one's partner can have the same power.

Perhaps a blogging hiatus

On April 10, my mother woke up and found she could not move her left arm or left leg. It took a few days for it to be called a stroke definitively, but it was treated accordingly all along in case that is what had occurred. I spent close to two weeks waiting to hear what was going to happen next and making arrangements from afar. As she lingered in the hospital with no transfer in sight, I traveled to be with her to get a better sense of the situation. It was not my intention to stay for very long, but after I assessed what her real needs were, I felt that she didn't need much help that I couldn't give to her at home.

Conventionally, given her situation, she would have gone to a skilled nursing rehabilitation facility where nurses and nurses assistants would care for her daily needs and get her to physical therapy. That's really expensive care that I knew, given my background in providing at home caregiving, that I could do just as well, if not better. And what better occupational therapy is there than actually doing the tasks that would be required of her at home?

I decided that I could stay with her. Mainly the help she needs from me is getting out of bed and into her wheelchair and then into the car, shower, toilet, etc. Pretty much everything else she can do with a minimum of assistance. In fact, today she washed dishes, changed the sheets on her bed, started laundry, paid bills online, and played Wii tennis and bowling.

My values played into the decision to put my life on hold and care for my mom. As evidenced by Belle's birth, I take personal responsibility very seriously and do not typically outsource care to professionals that I can be capable of providing to myself or my family. Its also been a very intuitive process is knowing how to help my mom in this difficult situation. Each step of the way, I felt what I call the Spirit confirming my thoughts and plans. I also have considered throughout my life that traditionally it was a sign of respect and gratitude to care for elder parents when their health began to fail. Though, this is coming at an age where I'm much younger than I would have expected (25, with two small children).

On May 4, I brought her home. We've been adjusting since then and today has been the best day yet. It was rocky on day 3 and 4 but after some frank discussion, we better understand what is expected of both of us.

Its a blessing that as a stay at home mother, I have the ability to move and add to my "work." Both children are with me, though my husband has had to stay in school two states away. If I employed, I would not be able to drop everything and then at the last minute decide on my originally intended 5 day trip to extend it to 2 months. The hope is that by July, my mom will have made significant recovery with physical therapy that she will be able to either walk, or be able to support enough of her weight to transfer herself in and out of bed.

The baby is struggling with my added responsibility and just wants to be held all the time. She'll follow me around the house screaming waiting for me to pick her up. The answer to that: babywearing. Belle goes in the Ergo on my back and I continue with what needs to be done.

Willem is my rescuer and comfort. Because he's a playful three year old, he makes me stop every once and a while and just play with him. A wrestle on the floor or on the grass, a hug and cuddle, some catch or frisbee or baseball or building with blocks, or reading a story. And the rest of the time, he is getting to explore and play and develop his own inner world. When I am feeling overwhelmed or discouraged, I can ask him for a hug and I can't help but feel better. His hugs are exactly what I need. He is at an age where I'm not struggling to care for him. He also entertains and plays with Belle (when she's not too busy hassling me).

In a way, I'm glad to have this time with my mother. Usually when we visit, she is working all day and then very tired by the time she gets home, so we struggle to enjoy our time with her. Now she's home all day with us and we can interact and spend time with her. I hope that in the next week we can start going out on walks in the afternoon.

Because its not easy to be constantly needed by someone, I am being very careful to maintain my evening a week rule. I do it at home with my husband as well where at least one day a week, arrangements are made where I can get out of the house and do something for me. Last night, a friend and I went to a movie while her mother babysat. It was exactly what I need. Next week, I'm planning a 1 hour massage. I'm also back to my nocturnal habits (staying up until 2) for computer time and catching up on my favorite shows. Fish oil and Vitamin D and good food are keeping my mood elevated.

All that to say that things are going much better than I would have expected (in general) and that my blog will probably be much quieter in the coming weeks.

I did recently create a facebook fan page for my blog where I post links and status updates. Those don't take as much time as preparing posts so I feel good about maintaining my connection with blogging and birth and family advocacy. I'll certainly be able to keep up there.

When behind on blogging, post facebook updates!

I've been quiet here on the blog, so since the last time I posted from my Facebook wall, here are the happenings.

March 1:
*Willem: What is that? Peter: That is Uranus. Willem: My anus?

*Not only do we have a stairclimber, but Belle climbed all the way up the stairs, crawled to the bathroom and stood up in front of the potty. When I picked her up and put her on the toilet, she peed! I call that taking herself to the bathroom. :-D

March 5:
*quilt top finished: nope, accepted into Public Health program: nope. I'm going to quit while I'm ahead, read some scriptures and go to sleep.

March 7:
*My favorite breastfeeding picture. Willem was 3 weeks old in this picture.


March 8:
*I'm glad I remembered before bed that I have yoga in the morning. 7 am, yikes!

March 9:
*What to do when you have the intense inclination to start dancing as you walk down the street?

*two abnormally tired children probably means that another illness is around the corner.

*is ready to start sewing! New temple dress or Ren Faire dress first?

March 10:
*put my baby girl to sleep tonight wrapped in the blanket from Tia Dominique Its done! I'll post pictures soon.

March 12:
*hates the word anestitized. Really did I just spell that right on the first attempt!? Its been illuding me all day. (nope!)

March 13:
*got invited to submit a 1,000 word article to The Exponent, a literary magazine for Mormon Women. The bad news? The deadline is Monday.

March 14:
*is now preparing the powerpoint presentation for Bellies To Booties Web TV show about The Birth Survey, going live at 2 pm PDT Wednesday March 17.

*is dealing with the worst (and first I've seen IRL) case of pink-eye. Poor Willem Alderks!

Events:
Mothers International Lactation Campaign M.I.L.C.
Location:your Facebook profile page, this is a VIRTUAL event
Time:12:00AM Monday, March 8th

Healthy Kids and Green Parenting Fair
sponsored by the Tacoma-Pierce County Health Department
Time:10:00AM Saturday, March 20th
Location:South Park Community Center

Links:
Crime Over Split Milk (shared by Aimee's husband)
Amnesty International is making that case that violations of women's rights and discrimination against women are leading to avoidable maternal deaths in the time around childbirth.
Sarah Shahi: How I Handled My Home Birth – Celebrity Baby Blog – People.com (Love this quote: “I had a home birth because I really believe in the body’s natural ability to give birth. The medical profession has kind of warped women’s minds into thinking we don’t know how to birth and we need doctors and epidurals and Pitocin.")
Shannon Mitchel speaks out at the NIH VBAC Conference
Christians Urged to Boycott Glenn Beck - The Caucus Blog - NYTimes.com (I generally ignore any talk of Glenn Beck, but this one I have to comment on. Indeed, by exhorting Christians to leave their churches who encourage any activities like "social or economic justice", he is asking people to leave his own Church. Social justice is "ubiquitous in the Book of Mormon.")
Harried mom created baby carrier out of necessity (love this for its clear example of maternal feminism)
Amnesty International Report on U.S. Maternal Health (Jennifer Block)- TIME


Advocacy Opportunities:
MomsRising: Tell Congress to take action on "Most Wanted" of Toxic Chemicals!
Take Action Online | Amnesty International USA | Maternal Health is a Human Right
MomsRising: Tell Congress that parents need paid sick days to keep everyone (from their kids to their colleagues) healthier
Sign the KSCA Petition: Kid-Safe Chemicals Act

Tax My Candy & Soda

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Financial Dreams

Due to some circumstances, I'm having to look at what it is I really want out of my future financially, all the things I would like to do in my life, and therefore need to be able to afford. I work better writing things down and who doesn't like to dream of what it is you wish for in life? Its probably something that you also like reading or hearing about others dreams for themselves. So for your reading pleasure:

I like to think that my wants are simple, and that I know the value of simplicity and frugality and the important things of life: family, health, religion, passion. I like to think that I don't overdo or wish beyond my means, and since at this point, I don't know my means and I appreciate having a vision to aspire to, these are my goals or things I would like to attain or possess in this life.

A Home:
So far I know I want it to have 4-5 bedrooms including a master suite with deep jetted tub, a bathroom on the first floor, a "man room" for my husband, and a "me room" for an office/craft room possibly in a loft, a workshop in the garage for crafting, woodworking, etc, a roomy kitchen and quality, comfortable furnishings throughout the home in colors that are pleasing and invigorating to both my husband and I, energy efficient features and as many sustainable materials as possible. We'd like to have enough land for a sizable vegetable garden and I'm enamored with the idea of backyard homesteading. If the home had a stone turret and stained glass windows, I'd be living a dream.

An education for each member of the family:
My husband's PhD is paid for at this point (such a blessing!), as well as my master's degree. Undergraduate college educations for our children are given, but we make the caveat of being willing to pay the equivalent of the LDS subsidy at BYU and not more for a private university. Then there's my PhD that someday I will get but I would hope that would be paid through by fellowships and assistantships, like my husband's. Private schools for my children as they are growing up are an option, and I would like to be able to afford them if we decide to pursue it. Right now we are pursuing a preschool for Willem because it provides a German immersion curriculum and we hope that Willem will be able to pick up enough of the language to be able to converse with my husband in German.

Hobbies:
Hobbies are so expensive but bring a great amount of fulfillment and interest to life. My husband's hobbies are especially expensive: woodworking, guitar and photography. Mine can be expensive too: quilting/sewing, guitar, yoga, and dance. We would like to be financially comfortable enough to buy nice equipment for our hobbies. I'd like to be able to afford dance lessons and yoga classes, as well as maybe someday a industrial embroidery machine and long arm quilter. In our house, we'd like to have a full music room with all of the instruments to make up a rock band. So far, we're just missing the drum set and the microphone. There's something about guitars too, and it seems that people who enjoy playing, also enjoy collecting them. My husband and I are dreaming about this one: http://www.avalonguitars.com/guitars/l300g.php I know my husband wants to build and restore cars with our children as a way to connect, spend time with and teach them as they grow up, that will require a garage and the money for tools, parts and cars.

Travels:
This is where we will likely need the bulk of our wealth. We would very much like to travel to as many places in the world as possible. Our short list is not so short and when we think of travels, we think of being immersed in the local culture by staying for a month or more. That's what we hope to do with a trip to Europe and I would like to stay in Mexico for 3 months or so.

Missions, Philanthropy and Charitable Donations:
My husband and I both have pet causes that we hope assist in accomplishing their goals. My favorites right now are The Coalition for Improving Maternity Services and MomsRising. When we are old enough to have a children out of the house, we strongly desire to serve missions as a married couple for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. In serving church missions, there are opportunities to serve around the world from Norway and Ghana to India and Hawaii, as well as opportunities in the continental United States.

I think that covers the range of interests and areas in which money is necessary. Those are my dreams. What are yours?

Yay Obama!

As an undergraduate, I studied family life education, apart of which is marriage education. I worked as a research assistant on the National Healthy Marriage Resource Center where I summarized research studies on marriage as the optimal arrangement for children, men and women (see recent post: http://descentintomotherhood.blogspot.com/2008/11/why-is-govt-promoting-marriage.html).

In 2006, George W. Bush sponsored legislation that would promote and encourage marriage as that optimal arrangement. The Healthy Marriage Initiative was authorized under Temporary Aid for Needy Families (TANF/welfare funds).

Although the social science research is very clear (I recommend reading The Case for Marriage, 2001), I was worried that in a time of economic downturn and administration change that the funding to provide marriage education services would not be continued.

Today I learned that Barack Obama has been a firm supporter of marriage education efforts and plans to continue supporting the funding of such programs. On the Healthy Marriage Initiative homepage, there is a quote from his book The Audacity of Hope, 2006:

"...Finally, preliminary research shows that marriage educaton workshops can make a reall difference in helping married couples stay together and in encouraging unmarried couples who are living together form a more lasting bond. Expanding access to such services to low income couples, perhaps in concert with job training and placement, medical coverage, and other services already available should be something everybody can agree on..."

By placing that quote on the webpage, I am heartened that the research will continue to speak for itself and that programs and efforts to stablize American families will continue.

Who nurtures a mother?

Who holds a mother and comforts her when down?
Who is there to cup her head in their hand,
so the love from their spirit seeps into hers?

Who holds her up, gives her the strength to stand,
to face another day, to hold anothers hand?

Who is there to listen to the outpouring of her emotions,
to listen with their heart,
and respond with intent to mend?

Who gives her the strength when she doesn't have enough of her own?

Can she run to her own mother, a grilfriend?
The kindly woman next door?
Her children?
Is her only hope God, a spirit who speaks through feelings?
Or can there be reasurrance through touch and an ear tickling with warm breath from a soft voice?

Rough skin against smooth
Arms enfolding, encircling with love?
Heaving breaths and wracking sobs,
Grief contained by the love of another?

Tears dry on wet cheeks
Sobs turning into even breathing
Strands of hair brushed gently away.

Who nurtures a mother?
A husband.