Midwifery as A Calling

You have to check out this post at The Gift of Giving Life and read about how Mormons in the early days of their church considered midwifery a position in the church where women were called according to the inspiration of the spirit to serve the women in their congregations. Unfortunately, this practice did not persist beyond the days of birth moving to the hospital but for the time that it did exist, I can only imagine how empowering, spiritually uplifting and community strengthening such a tradition would be. 

As a Mormon by conversion, I am wistful for the days of this practice and wish that society hadn't changed so much that midwives called in each ward or take became a thing of the past. Right now in the church, there is no structure in the organization to connect Mormon (or as I prefer LDS) women with LDS midwives. I know they exist, along with a score of doulas, childbirth educators and birth junkies because I have become acquainted with many of them across the internet. 

I know that I as a birthing woman would love to work with an LDS midwife or have an LDS doula. I don't even know if there are LDS doulas or midwives in my area and I wish I did. I love the Christian midwife that I worked with during my last pregnancy but a Christian worldview was second best in comparison to a Mormon worldview. (I can clarify on this if my readers are interested). 

As an aspiring midwife and birth attendant, I feel prompted to offer my services as a doula during labor and postpartum to the women in my local congregations. In the past I have tried to get the word out that I am interested and willing to offer this as an act of service but like I said there are few ways to get this known to the local women. Meetings are structured so that there is time for very little else and the scope of the LDS church's women's organization is so broad that its hard to cover all of the many ways that relief can be provided through charity. 

I would really like to see a directory/registry/list of LDS doulas, midwives and childbirth educators that is shared on the internet for LDS women to refer to as they are looking for maternity care. In a way, it would bring back a little bit of the community that once existed in the church with Relief Society sisters literally providing relief during some of the most important and hard work of a Mormon woman's life.

Since the church is organized in geographical areas called stakes, I would love to see this list be organized by stakes. Usually a stake covers a city or town (or in some cases a few towns near each other) and has around 1,000 members of the church. Its usually within driving distance from one end of the stake to another and given the distances that I've heard some midwives travel to assist women at their births seems doable for one woman in the stake to reach any and all of the sisters when she is in labor. And there's nothing wrong with having more than one midwife listed in a stake. 

The main difference between a list like this and the former way of issuing callings is that no one is assigned to be a specific midwife or doula to a certain area. There could be a dozen midwives and doulas in a given stake (oh what a dream!) and there wouldn't need to be competition or obligation. A childbearing woman has so many options when it comes to birth attendants (hopefully) that often what she needs to make an informed choice is access to information about the options available to her. I truly think that if LDS women knew that there were LDS women near them who were trained and qualified in attending births that they would work together in many cases. What a blessing that would be to the community of sisters! 

Who's with me in creating his list? Do you know of any LDS doulas, midwives or childbirth educators in your stake or ward boundaries? Are you one? 

Or even better, does what I'm hoping for already exist?? 

Preparing to conceive again

Last weekend, I went to a training to learn the more clinical aspects of midwifery and I came away from it with some upheaval. Not about birth but about my future children.

First there were lots of Moms with Many or Quiverful Moms there with 6-10 kids each. This is a big deal for me because I've never gotten to know personally mothers of large families so I've never been able to envision me being the mother of more than 5-6. That is further complicated by my husband not wanting more than 6. Then I learned that my fears of pelvic floor dsyfunction was real and my concerns about my hip pain are getting stronger. And I realized that if I want 5-6 (or more) kids that I'm not going to have enough time before I get to 40. And then the physical issues might make it hard to have that many more kids.

So one at a time:
On our first date, I told my husband I am aiming for 6 or more children and he didn't feel confident that he could be a father to that many so he said he'd be comfortable 4 (which is one more than his parents had). For the sake of an easy compromise, I said 5 and that's what still remains the agreement now because I haven't felt like pushing for more. As of now, he doesn't know that I'm now thinking of more than 6.

Then is the fear of not being able to physically withstand more than 6 pregnancies. After two pregnancies so far, I have chronic hip pain that I fear might be arthritis. Through yoga, working on correcting my posture, chiropractic adjustments and regular massages, I can keep the pain from being all the time but it often nags most of the time. There was a point just after Belle was born that I couldn't walk it was so bad and I had to find a chiropractor in a state I didn't live in so I could get the joint put back in place. It was really uncomfortable at the end of Belle's pregnancy and I'm scared if I don't get it healed before I get pregnant again my next pregnancy will be really difficult and it could be worse after. And the older I get, the worse it will be.

The other effect of two pregnancies I'm worried about is the prolapse (cytocele and rectocele to more precise). Basically, it means that my vaginal walls have been weakened so when my bladder or colon is full, both can be felt weighing on the vaginal walls. Its really common in women who have had children and it really only negatively affects me when I'm on my menstrual cycle. It makes wearing regular or super sized tampons difficult because they get pushed out by the collapsing tissue. Its also the reason why the Diva Cup doesn't work for me. I am concerned however that if I don't work to rectify it now that it will get worse in more pregnancies and become a problem.

Between those two things, I'm scared that I will be so effected that having a third baby will make life after that baby so difficult that I wouldn't be able to care for the children I have, let alone have more children.

On the other side of that, is if those things can be resolved so I'm no longer in pain and don't need to worry about more severe prolapse, then how long will it take? 3 years? That was my original plan, I knew that having both children so close together meant I needed to have more time before the next one. Now I'm concerned if I wait that long, I won't have enough time before I decide I'm too old to have another baby. If I turn 40 in 2024 and I have my next baby in 2013, that's 11 years of time to have more babies. Every two years, I could have 5 more. So I feel my upper limit is 7 then which means that only 7 of the 9 names we have chosen would be used for our children. And I'm scared that having babies every two years will be too much for my body because having two babies in two years already has been too much for my body and I'll just be older which will means pregnancies are automatically going to be harder than if I was younger.

Meeting the Quiverful moms was really an inspiring experience for me. Many of them had their first babies younger than I did. So I'm already feeling "behind" like I was getting a late start. Though I know that even having a baby at 21 is still plenty young aside from the fact that it was perfectly right for me. I also am realizing that my body, because of breastfeeding, is going to space children a little more than 2 years apart, which I feel is great and good because its a sign of how Heavenly Father created us to bare and care for our babies.

I don't want to be in competition with other mothers to have as many babies as they do, but I do like seeing the fruits of their families. The older children learn how to be parents by caring for their younger brothers and sisters. Mothers get help in managing and caring for so many people, and from what I've seen the older siblings caring for the younger allow mothers to be involved in activities that take them outside the home (in this case, to become midwives). I also like the idea of not worrying about fertility and accepting pregnancies as they come, having faith and reliance on God.

I know that's the answer. To trust in God, pray to know what to do about my hip because, really, that is what concerns me most.

I think what I wish is that my hip pain could be gone and not a worry because if it were, I would be excited to conceive again as soon as possible. I'm already feeling stirrings for another baby but I'm so scared of how painful that pregnancy would be if I were to get pregnant now with my hip the way it is.

And even if my hip was fine and I could conceive again so early (I'm thinking that my luteal phases are still too short), I'm almost positive my husband would be opposed because according to his plan, we are not going to have another baby until he graduates and we move. I have to throw this in too: he frustrates because to me it appears that he does not consider God's plan for our family at all when it comes to trying to conceive. I think he might think that he's going to decide whatever he wants and just trust thats what God wants for him. I'm not feeling like I can agree with that.

To further complicate things is the circumcision issue. As far as I know, he still is obstinately supportive of circumcising our next son and he refuses to even talk about it until we know we are having a boy. I want to be surprised with the gender our next babies so that is the recipe for an all out fight after the baby is born. I don't want to put off finding consensus until after or even while pregnant. I'm pretty sure a large portion of the reason why he doesn't want to discuss circumcision is because he would rather not face the idea his parents did something to him when he could not stop them and it may now have negative affects on him.

Oh my goodness, this thought just occurred to me: what if my hip problems and his not wanting to discuss circumcision is linked? Karma could make it possible...

So there you go, those are all my issues. I'd love advice on any of the above.

Financial Dreams

Due to some circumstances, I'm having to look at what it is I really want out of my future financially, all the things I would like to do in my life, and therefore need to be able to afford. I work better writing things down and who doesn't like to dream of what it is you wish for in life? Its probably something that you also like reading or hearing about others dreams for themselves. So for your reading pleasure:

I like to think that my wants are simple, and that I know the value of simplicity and frugality and the important things of life: family, health, religion, passion. I like to think that I don't overdo or wish beyond my means, and since at this point, I don't know my means and I appreciate having a vision to aspire to, these are my goals or things I would like to attain or possess in this life.

A Home:
So far I know I want it to have 4-5 bedrooms including a master suite with deep jetted tub, a bathroom on the first floor, a "man room" for my husband, and a "me room" for an office/craft room possibly in a loft, a workshop in the garage for crafting, woodworking, etc, a roomy kitchen and quality, comfortable furnishings throughout the home in colors that are pleasing and invigorating to both my husband and I, energy efficient features and as many sustainable materials as possible. We'd like to have enough land for a sizable vegetable garden and I'm enamored with the idea of backyard homesteading. If the home had a stone turret and stained glass windows, I'd be living a dream.

An education for each member of the family:
My husband's PhD is paid for at this point (such a blessing!), as well as my master's degree. Undergraduate college educations for our children are given, but we make the caveat of being willing to pay the equivalent of the LDS subsidy at BYU and not more for a private university. Then there's my PhD that someday I will get but I would hope that would be paid through by fellowships and assistantships, like my husband's. Private schools for my children as they are growing up are an option, and I would like to be able to afford them if we decide to pursue it. Right now we are pursuing a preschool for Willem because it provides a German immersion curriculum and we hope that Willem will be able to pick up enough of the language to be able to converse with my husband in German.

Hobbies:
Hobbies are so expensive but bring a great amount of fulfillment and interest to life. My husband's hobbies are especially expensive: woodworking, guitar and photography. Mine can be expensive too: quilting/sewing, guitar, yoga, and dance. We would like to be financially comfortable enough to buy nice equipment for our hobbies. I'd like to be able to afford dance lessons and yoga classes, as well as maybe someday a industrial embroidery machine and long arm quilter. In our house, we'd like to have a full music room with all of the instruments to make up a rock band. So far, we're just missing the drum set and the microphone. There's something about guitars too, and it seems that people who enjoy playing, also enjoy collecting them. My husband and I are dreaming about this one: http://www.avalonguitars.com/guitars/l300g.php I know my husband wants to build and restore cars with our children as a way to connect, spend time with and teach them as they grow up, that will require a garage and the money for tools, parts and cars.

Travels:
This is where we will likely need the bulk of our wealth. We would very much like to travel to as many places in the world as possible. Our short list is not so short and when we think of travels, we think of being immersed in the local culture by staying for a month or more. That's what we hope to do with a trip to Europe and I would like to stay in Mexico for 3 months or so.

Missions, Philanthropy and Charitable Donations:
My husband and I both have pet causes that we hope assist in accomplishing their goals. My favorites right now are The Coalition for Improving Maternity Services and MomsRising. When we are old enough to have a children out of the house, we strongly desire to serve missions as a married couple for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. In serving church missions, there are opportunities to serve around the world from Norway and Ghana to India and Hawaii, as well as opportunities in the continental United States.

I think that covers the range of interests and areas in which money is necessary. Those are my dreams. What are yours?

Update: Week 25

Last week, I saw the midwife at 25 weeks and it was a very good visit.

I learned how amazing cool it is to hear a fetus's heartbeat using a stethoscope rather than a doppler. The doppler sounds to me like a"woosh-woosh" sound while the heartbeat using the stethoscope sounds like a quick little heartbeat. Mine could even more heard slower and deeper in the background. I could listen to that sound for hours. Which is why I'm seriously contemplating buying a stethoscope for home.

In my pregnancy with Willem, the only way I ever heard his heartbeat was using the doppler device, in spite of some researchers' concerns that doppler sound waves can harm the fetus. This pregnancy I'm trying to avoid the doppler and I'm so glad I did because I've discovered listening with the stethoscope. To me, the experience doesn't compare. I don't feel like I'm intruding on the baby at all, but that I'm listening without disturbing her at all.

In the week leading up to that appointment, I had had two birth dreams. This was exciting and unusual for me because I longed to dream about birth and the baby when I was pregnant with Willem, but never did. These recent dreams of mine had two things in common: they were wonderful, perfect, gentle and loving unassisted births and in each the baby was large. In the first dream, I gave birth to a 15 pound baby! I've never even heard of baby that big being born vaginally and it was a wonderful birth. The second dream, I was submerged in water to my shoulders (I've never heard of birthing in a swimming pool, but in the dream it was great!), I watched as the baby emerged from my body, she twisted in one of the cardinal movements and looked into my eyes through lovely blue gray eyes. During that dream, she wasn't weighed but I knew by looking at her that she weighed at least 10 pounds.

Of course, I have been puzzling over what this meant. Is it a premonition that I'll be birthing a baby at least 4 pounds heavier than my first? Or does it mean I'm just that confident in my ability to have a joyous birth?

I seem to be getting some indications that its not likely for me to have a large baby, especially since Willem was born at 38 weeks and not quite 7 pounds. At the recent week 25 appointment, my fundal height was measuring at 24 weeks. That could easily be normal variation and she's small for dates but in the normal range, or it may be an indication that the calculated due date is off.

Since gestational dating is such an imprecise science, I am not about to try to determine if that supposition is correct using any obstetric techniques. Instead I decided to do what I vowed to do at the start of the pregnancy: turn to God who I believe is the source for all knowledge for guidance and truth regarding this pregnancy. If anyone can or will know, it is my loving Father in Heaven. To me it is an application of the scriptures "trust the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding (Proverbs 3:5)" and "I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm (2 Nephi 4:34)." I knew that taking this matter to the Lord might not matter in big picture (applying the principle in Doctrine and Covenants where the Lord says, "it mattereth not unto me") but if it was something that he felt I should know that I wished to know if the dating was off.

I have suspected from the beginning that instead of the EDD being the last week of May, it should be the first week of June based on when the baby was conceived, my menstrual cycle, as well as just a feeling that she is going to be a June, rather than May baby. The fundal height measurement was enough to make me consider that possibility once again. When I asked of God, I felt strongly impressed by the spirit that indeed the more accurate EDD should be placed during the first week of June.

I have been enjoying throughout this pregnancy what I believe to be revelation concerning the baby and my body's work at carrying the baby. Before this baby was conceived, I felt the strong impression that a little girl was on its way to our family and then I believe it was the Spirit whispering to me that I was pregnant which is what prompted me to take a home pregnancy test in the first place. After the pregnancy was confirmed, I once again felt impressed that the baby was indeed a girl, which was then confirmed by ultrasound at week 22. I would have been perfectly content to have the gender confirmed at birth, however. The biggest question weighing on my mind however is the Lord's support and knowledge of the best birthing environment and situation for the baby. I have received impressions that he is supportive of my plans and that all will be well with the birth. That assurance is the greatest knowledge I can receive in regards to this pregnancy.

An interesting part of the impression is actually that to God, it doesn't really matter which birth setting I choose for this pregnancy, the outcome will be the same. That leads me to believe, that the Lord doesn't prescribe one "right" or ideal way to birth and that it is one of those things that he would prefer for us to study it out in our minds and our hearts (Doctrine and Covenants 9: 8) what is best for us and he will guide and support that learning process. To me that means that with each pregnancy the situations and therefore decisions made regarding birth will be different. How thankful I am that I can trust in Him to be there every step of the way in making those decisions.

That was week 25-26 of this pregnancy. I'm feeling well--particularly active and energetic. For a while that had me concerned but then I realized that I am probably rejoicing in the fact that I am done with my thesis and master's program and can now throw myself into other activities that I had to restrict myself from previously. I'm excited that in the next couple of months before the baby comes, I can focus on working with Solace for Mothers, assisting progress with The Birth Survey and reading from my book list.