Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Some Cause for Concern

Over the weekend I asked my husband for a priesthood blessing for this pregnancy. He was very unnerved to find that he couldn't say, guided by the Spirit, that this baby would be born healthy and whole. He struggled to find the words that the Spirit was telling him and the only information that we got was that we would be faced with some difficulties this pregnancy but that everything will work out in the end.

We don't know what that means. It could mean something as mundane as me struggling with low energy and taking care of two children, or some normal first trimester bleeding. It would mean events as serious as a miscarriage, a premature birth or complications during labor and birth which necessitate transfer to the hospital for either baby or me. We believe that all things work together for the good of those who experience them (Romans 8:28, D&C 90: 24, D&C 98:3)--that there is purpose in whatever difficulty or challenges we are faced with.

If its an awful, scary outcome for this pregnancy, we trust in the Lord that those experiences will work together for our good. We beleive that through the temple covenants we have made that our children will be ours forever and through the eternities and that any children or family members we lose in this life, we will be reunited with after this life. That is our faith, so we do not shun the prospect of miscarriage or stillborn baby, although we would be deeply disappointed and mourn for our loss. We hope that the worst of our fears won't be realized but we will be accepting of them if they do come to pass.

I have found comfort in the words of the hymn "Come, Come Ye Saints:"
Come Come Ye Saints no toil nor labor fear
but with joy wend your way
Though hard to you this journey may appear
Grace shall be as your day
'Tis better far for us to strive
our useless cares from us to drive
Do this and joy, your hearts will swell.
All is well,
All is well.

Why should we mourn or think our lot is hard?
'Tis not so, all is right.
Why should we think to earn a great reward
if we now shun the fight?
Gird up your loins, fresh courage take
Our God will never us forsake.
And soon we'll have this tale to tell,
All is well,
All is well!

And should we die before this journey's through,
Happy is day! All is well!
We then are free from toil and sorrow too;
with the just we shall dwell.
But if our lives are spared again
to see the Saints their rest obtain,
Oh, how we'll make this chorus swell,
All is well,
All is well!

I hope that my readers do not find my attitude cavilier and insensitive. It requires a great deal of facing my biggest fears to be able to post that its okay with me if I should "die before this journey's through." I hope that level of loss is not necessary for my family. I feel needed on this earth to be a mother to my children, to bear future children and to faithfully endure to the end of my long life on this earth. I obtain comfort from recalling my patriarchal blessing and other blessings which I have received that indicates my life will be long and full of love as I watch my children grow and mature.

1 comment:

Rixa said...

Jenne, I feel for you. It's hard not knowing what will happen, not knowing exactly the meaning of the blessing at this point in time. In the meantime, then, we have to just keep going and doing our best. I don't think it's cavalier to have that attitude about death or loss, but of course I'm coming from your same culture! Not that I would ever choose that for myself, of course, but from an LDS perspective death is NOT the worst thing that can happen to a person. It's just a temporary separation (for those of us left back on earth, that is)--painful and sad, of course, but it's not the END.