I have been carefulling reading and reflecting on Willem's birth story recently and have found some things that I want to change for next time. Those things are the times when things went off course, or I made a decision that I regret now.
I'm not going ANYWHERE!
The furthest I may go from my home with be a nice walk on the nature trail or to the shopping center behind my complex. No getting in the car, going to an appointment, going to the hosptial, just to be sent home and go back again.
Forget the numbers!
I won't worry about dilation, or timing contractions to "prove" to anyone that my labor is for real. As I learned with a newborn, the clock will not be my guide. I will go with the flow of the labor process, trusting my body to do what it knows how to do. I will not impede the progress by stressing out about the numbers like I did last time.
I'm not paying someone to be paranoid for me!
Last time (and I'm still shocked by this fact), I paid an organization to treat me like dirt. I paid them to inflict a trauma on me that led to PTSD and for them to interfere with a process that my body was made to do without "assistance." Their paranoia, time clock, and need to clear the room did not assist me in any way. Also, since I do trust my body to complete the process of birth, I am not going to pay someone to come into my home to worry about "what might go wrong." My husband and I can do enough of that for ourselves. And we can also educate ourselves to learn what to do if that "what if" happens.
This next time, we are relying on our own knowledge and ability to educate ourselves and to have trust in creation. And "if" that something happens, we'll know what to do and where to go to get the assistance needed.
I will also:
With Willem's birth, I was so excited to start the marathon that would bring him into my arms that I forgot to rest and conserve strength and energy. I know for next time to take things slowly, as they come, and to sleep when I can. The whole time I was actively doing: focusing, willing my body and baby to hurry up. I know now that is counterproductive and can lead to exhaustion and frustration. Each of the above items will also aid in this goal.
Above all, I will:
I am disappointed in myself that I normally approach every life process with faith, prayer, seeking the Spirit of God and when in labor with Willem, I didn't. With Willem's birth, I think I took for granted that the Lord would be my help and I didn't turn to him during the time I was working to bring his spirit child into the world. Next time, I will seek the comfort, guidance and inspiration of the Spirit by seeking a priesthood blessing from my husband who has given me countless blessings in the time we have been married. The birth of a child is a sacred event that I will welcome the great Creator to attend this time and through trust in His process, I be confident in the ability I have been given to become a mother.